Originally Unoriginal

That's the question I've been asking myself the past 2 days. My conclusion...pretty jacked up! So last week I met a guy at my cousin's wedding. I know his family, was introduced to him, and had a great time chatting it up and dancing the night away. We're talking about a good looking guy that's really got his act together. He owns his own business plus has another job, building his own house, never been married, no kids. A stand up guy here. He doesn't drink, goes to church every Sunday, and educated. He sounds like everything I've been looking for. Did I mention that he lives here so it wouldn't be a long distance thing? I could go on and on...opens the door for me, orders for me, gets me a drink just because I look thirsty, throws away my trash. So my question is, why in the world am I looking for something to be wrong ?? I am nit-picking everything to death. Most of the things that I am not a fan of are such small things like...he's got...

So the beginning of last week was pretty rough. I had a whole melt down concerning Mr. Amazing. Out of the blue, early one morning, when I should have been sleeping, I got this sick, nervous feeling about him. I began praying about the situation and just felt an overwhelming feeling to forget all about him and leave the whole situation alone. Well of course that frustrated me because that wasn't what I wanted to do. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too. I wanted God's will to be my will, and in this case, that wasn't happening. But by the end of the week, I felt confident that I could do it. I've made no contact, and when he did finally text me, I was nice but short. As my friend said, "must be pretty difficult breaking up with someone you aren't dating?" And I think he's right. It would be a little weird for me to text and say out of the blue, "I don't want to be your friend with benefits anymore." But I'm thinking he...

It's been an absolutely crazy couple of weeks, and I do apologize for not keeping you all updated. I'm sure you have just been at wit's end not being able to hear my rants and raves. I'm not sure how you have all managed without me! :) So I've had several hour long conversations with my ex-boyfriend, the only guy I ever loved. Mr. Amazing has been very attentive via text, and even said he missed me the other day. Go figure. On top of that, I've had some extremely stressful situations at school. Not just discipline issues but real frustrating, no answer available situations. Then I had to decorate for Prom last week and chaperon, but that was actually kinda fun, just time consuming! So my brain has been fried along with my emotions, and therefore I just didn't find time to blog. Plus I'm learning that too many people read my blog and so I have to be careful what I write. I don't want anyone to get their feelings hurt and I don't want one ...

I often pray things, and I know that God hears me.  However I'm not always sure He's listening.  I guess I just figure out of the 6 billion + people in the world, my requests aren't as important as starving people in Asia or displaced citizens of Darfur . Thankfully, God is listening, and my requests are important to him, even if I forget that sometimes.  What's also great is that He reminds me that He's working on things.  For example.... I firmly believe there is reason why I come in contact with every person that I meet.  I don't always know the reason, but each person is somehow significant in the development of my life. I often believe that there may not be any other reason for contact other than to share God with that person.  So as with Mr. Amazing, I've been certain that God has a reason for him walking into my life and showing back up all the time.  Therefore,  I pray for him weekly, sometimes daily, that God would do a work in his life.  I pray tha...

Well I'm no closer in making a decision about whether to invest or not.  I'm stuck between 2 ideas. 1.  I should give it up and guard my heart.  There is no sense in pouring out emotions, time, and energy on something that is obviously not working out or giving me what I need. 2.  I need to learn to trust God and others with my heart, and God is using this whole situation as a test of my faith in Him. See I have this huge tendency to expect the worst.  My idea is that if I expect the worst,  I won't be disappointed when it doesn't work out.  Not exactly the best faith exercise. I've done that since day one with Mr. Amazing.  I've anticipatied him screwing up, breaking my heart, or blowing me off.  E very time I feel myself getting a bit too close, I freak out and back off.  I've deleted his number from my cell 2 different times but eventually added him back. I honestly thought I could handle it.  I thought I could do this whole occasional "friend"...

How do you find balance in relationships?  How do you know when to invest your time and emotions and when you need to step back and guard your heart?  I realize that nothing is certain and there are always risks, but when do you know it's ok to let go and take a risk? Obviously I can't go through life unwilling to invest in others, unwilling to give too much, at the risk of being hurt.  However, I can't go around throwing my emotions, time, and energy to any and everyone. I suppose I'm waiting for an official "wanna go steady with me?" question, but that's a question that may never come.  (And yeah I know no one says that anymore, but it sure would make things easier.) What I have to realize is this is what I got...nothing more, but fortunately, nothing less.  Is it ok for me to start investing in this regardless of an official commitment ? It's not like I'm missing out on something great by waiting around.  There is nothing else.  I can't s...

So my week has been pretty hectic and the weekend was even crazier.  So I haven't had time to do the whole "Blog Vote", but whatever.  I'll get to it eventually. This week is going to be pretty crazy as well.  It's 9 weeks test week for my students and next week is SPRING BREAK!  So trying to keep them focused is going to be hard.  I'm also preparing for a road trip to DC!!  I've never been,  so me, mom, and a friend of hers are hopping in the car without a schedule.  All we know is we are leaving Saturday and coming back the following Saturday. In other news, I did happen to see Mr. Amazing this weekend.  We went out Friday night and actually had a great time.  He was nice, gentlemanly, and attentive as normal.  That's it...nothing more, nothing less. Anyways, I haven't caught up on sleep from the weekend or from the loss of an hour...darn that daylight savings time thingy!  I'll try and do better at having something insightful to say!

We'll just chalk these 2 incidents up to more of Kimberly's Strange Guy Stories. Story #1 -- Mr. Amazing texted me on Valentine's Day to naturally wish me Happy Valentine's Day.  Then a couple of hours later he texted and said "just wanted to let you know you are amazing."  I asked what made him think of that, and he replied that he was just thinking about me that day.  We exchanged some pleasantries , "how is your day" etc.  But in ending the conversation he said "I just felt like you deserved to know how great you really are."   If I didn't have the need to stay clear of his charm, I would have been floating on cloud 9.  However, I grabbed the nearest chair and grounded myself firmly.  How convenient that while he's at home alone on Valentine's Day he thinks of me.  He should have tried a day later, and I may have been impressed.  Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he does honestly think I'm great and amazing.  But ...

Mr. Amazing bought me a balloon (among other things) when he was here for my birthday this past August.  It was this huge balloon in the shape of a cupcake that said "Happy B-day" on it.  Surprisingly, the balloon has been sitting in the corner of my room since August still perfectly afloat.  It had a lost a little of it's air, but it was still perfectly upright.  I even made a comment about it to him via text yesterday saying that it was still up and had seemed to stick around longer than he did.  (For those of you wondering, he replied back "whatever." and I told him I was just kidding, although there was a lot of truth to the statement.) When I left today for church, I assume it was still afloat.  Being that it's been here so long, I've actually never paid it too much attention.  However, this afternoon when I came home from church, the balloon was half way to the floor.  It immediately caught my eye.  I walked over to it and pleaded with it.  "P...

I had an uneventful New Year's Eve.  It wasn't at all what I had anticipated, but by the time 12 AM arrived, I was just glad to be spending it with anyone at all. I ended up hanging out with my parents and going to one of their friend's house to ring in the new year.  We were all sitting around playing Deal or No Deal  and I looked down at my phone.  15 minutes until the new year.  10 minutes to the new year.  7 minutes to the new year.  I looked to an old friend next to me and said... "Why am I counting down?  Like in 7 minutes my life is going to radically change for the better?" She laughed and agreed..."Not like your knight in shining armor is going to arrive right at that moment, huh?"   "Nope...he'd probably be riding a mule and wearing tin foil anyway!" We were just joking around but they reality is true.  A new year isn't going to miraculously change anything.  No matter whether 2008 was the best year ever or the worst year ever...

There has been an enormous amount of rainfall in the past few hours, and I'm very glad about it. The rain canceled a basketball game at school. So instead of staying to the school until 9 PM, I was able to leave at 3:30. That means for the first time in a while, I have a weeknight to do nothing! So far I've laid on the couch and watched TV. Now I'm at my parents house, going to eat dinner with them, and probably watch The Dark Knight . (Even though I saw it 3 or 4 times in theater.) Besides the rain on the outside, it's getting pretty stormy inside my head. With the resurrection of Mr. Amazing, my brain is going 90 to nothing. There is a possibility I'll be seeing him soon, and I know exactly how I'm going to handle the situation. It's not what I would tell other people to do. No, I'm sure I'll do the direct opposite...if I actually see him. And if I don't end up seeing him, I'll be mad for wasting all this time fretting over it. ...

...so I'm sorry that I haven't posted anything lately.  I've had something to do every day after school.  I've helped my friend with her monogramming business, kept score at the school basketball games, taken pictures at the school choir concert, and helped a local business with inventory after hours.  On top of that I'm doing church stuff, going to the grocery store, and trying to do some Christmas shopping.   Whoever said this is the "most wonderful time of the year" was CRAZY.   As if that wasn't enough, Mr. Amazing texted me out of the blue today....I won't even comment on all of that.  I was really hoping to avoid a roller coaster; I just wish I had enough strength to walk away and not get on the ride.

Well consider Mr. Amazing deleted from my phone and my life.  In the words of Taylor Swift, "He's just another picture to burn!" So I texted to tell him Happy Thanksgiving and that I understood that things didn't work out, although I wish he could have just said so.  I did say regardless of the situation, I was here if he ever needed anything and that I was thankful he was part of my life that year, if even for a short time. Perhaps I shouldn't have said anything.  Perhaps I should have just said "Happy Thanksgiving" and left it at that.  But I wanted closure, needed closure.  I didn't want to pine away at home, thinking that maybe, just maybe, he might remember I existed.  And I wanted to be nice.  I have no real reason to be rude, and I wanted to treat him the way I wanted to be treated. But just because you treat someone the way you want to be treated, doesn't mean they will actually come through with it.  Matter of fact, Mr. Amazing didn...

For the past 5-6 years I've slept on 2 mattresses. I wanted my bed to be soft and cushy so that I just sunk into it. That was all good, but now, my back hurts. Guess my age is catching up with me. Anyways, I asked for a box springs mattress for Christmas. For unimportant reasons, I got the box springs today. I laid on the bed, and it was hard and well, felt like a regular bed. Guess that's how I've been living my life for a while. I wanted everything to be soft and cushy and fun and youthful. But life is catching up with me, and grown up life is plain and hard at times. I'm realizing that it doesn't matter that I still feel like I'm 16; I'm not. I'm an adult, and I have to play by adult rules. I don't get a free pass from bills or dumb bosses or stupid guys because I don't look my age. This isn't a fuss or a pity party. I'm not crying about the situation. I'm just waking up to reality and pulling up my big girl pantie...

My body waved the white flag this weekend.  It's been a stressful, emotional, and tiring past few months.  So Saturday, it was quitting time.  I went to bed feeling pretty miserable Saturday, and Sunday morning I was in the throws of a full blown sinus infection.   I would like to proudly state that it has been a year and 2 months since my last visit to the doctor for a sinus infection.  But today when my doctor took a look at my throat, she stepped back and said " Ew , that is pretty bad!"  I got a shot and some antibiotics, so I'll be right as rain in a few days. As for taking a break, well, I can sleep when I'm dead, right? The stress part is not all my fault.  Things at school have been pretty crazy.  Professionally, I shouldn't discuss it with the blogosphere .  I'll just say we've been dealing with break-ins, vandalism, fights, sheriffs , expulsions, and new security cameras.  I'm not concerned for my safety or the safety of my students reall...

It's hard to be positive when  it's so easy to be negative.  But I'm going to force myself!  Here's the good things that have gone on this week.... I got paid $50.00 this week for helping out my friend.  I'm not sure if that's pay for the month or the week or just whenever, but it certainly did help out!  God has really blessed with opening this avenue up for me. I had a mini-talk with Mr. Amazing.  Things are better though not ideal.  But then again, when has anything been ideal for me?  He's busy and stressed but not dropping off the face of the planet.  That will do for now. I've decided to go back to school.  It'll be this summer before I can begin because I've got to take my GRE , get accepted to Grad School, and apply for a fellowship to pay for the schooling.  I'll still be teaching while going to school, so it'll take a couple of years, but I'm up for it.  I miss intelligent conversation and discussion but I'm sure it'...

My brother invited a few people over last night to watch the Kimbo Slice fight .  I'm not a follower of UFC or MMA , but when I catch it on or see it live, I do find it interesting.  There has been huge publicity about Kimbo especially because of his YouTube fights, and so I decided to stay up and catch the fight with everyone else.   Kimbo's fight was the main event so we had to watch the other 2 hours of non-important people fight first.  My eyes were getting heavy but I had made it this long.  I had to see the action.   2 hours for 14 seconds!  Yep, Kimbo got his tail kicked in 14 seconds.  Might I add that it was by some no name guy who was smaller than Kimbo and was picked last minute to fight him when his original opponent Shamrock was ineligible because of a cut over his eye. Like I said, I don't know a lot about MMA fighting, but because Kimbo didn't even FIGHT BACK...the match was called and some Steve guy won by TKO.  Couldn't believe it.   Kimbo ...

I'm broke.  Really, really broke.  Like I only have $7.00 left of October's paycheck.  Yep, I've already paid bills and have just a little more than a dollar a week to last me to November.  Then in November I have to pay my car insurance.  I don't have any money to pay the car insurance. Thank God I have my parents who can loan me the money until I can come up with it.  I need a part-time job.  I need a couple of more hours a day in which to have this part-time job.  I've got to do something... As if being poor wasn't enough worry, I'm beginning to think I'll never see Mr. Amazing again.  He's swamped with school and I'm swamped with all the things I do.  The weekends I have free, he has to study.  The weeks he has free, I have school stuff or weddings or whatever.  :(  Plus neither of us have a lot of money in which to travel with and spend on dates.  Text messages and phone calls are just not enough at times. So I'm money-less and boy-less ...

I am full.  I am complete.  I'm not sure I've felt that way in a long time.  Something has always been missing.  Oh, I've been happy and peaceful, but never this complete because I've never understood the magnitude of love. I have friends and family.  I have people in my life that I know love me and would do anything and everything they could for me.  I have people that care about me spiritually and physically.  I have people that aren't worried about me making mistakes.  They are there to pull me up if it happens though.  I have friends that love me for me, not for what I can do for them.  There is a guy out there who likes me.  He may not be perfect, but neither am I.  The situation may not be completely ideal, but is it ever?  And he may not end up being "the one", but it sure is fun spending time with him!  He thinks I'm cute, and he texts me goodnight every night, no matter how late it is.  I also have a God who loves me unconditionally.  He has n...

He tickled her and tossed her back towards the bed.  They began to playfully wrestle, and next thing she knew, she was hanging off the edge of the bed. "Don't push me off."  She seemed to plead in between laughs. "Why?  You scared?"  He teased, pushing her again towards the ledge. "Matthew!"  she screamed his name out a little loudly, this time startling even him. "Woe...you really are afraid of falling, huh?"  he grabbed her firmly saving her from any tumble towards the ground. The words resounded in her ears.  She was terrified of falling....both physically and figuratively. What if there was no one to catch her?  What if it hurt?  What if she was scarred beyond recognition from the fall?  What if nothing was able to put her back together? Yes, she really was afraid of falling, not so much from the bed, but from this high place that she had set her heart, away from the reach of any guy....well almost any guy. It seemed like her mind had be...