Originally Unoriginal

There is a biological clock that ticks.  Sometimes it's so faint, I don't even hear it.  Other times, its tick-tock is more like a sonic boom in my ears, reminding me that my "best years" are quickly slipping by. There have been times where I thought the clock's ticking was meaningless because my life was headed in the right direction.  The good guy in my life would lead to a proposal, house, family...to taking my rightful place in society.  Or, I was applying for jobs in big cities where I could live the single life seen in the movies...just fun and friends! With the guys never seeming to pan out, I figured it was time to spread my wings and fly.  To become Miss Independent, far away from the small country life I have lived for so long.  And many, many people encouraged it.  There is no future here in Greenville, no real single friends my age, no possibilities for someone like me.  Then there were those that questioned, what are you going to ...

Jesus and I sat and had an intense conversation today. It was good to have the time to just sit down and enjoy talking with him without feeling rushed. Grad school and a full time job doesn't offer a ton of down time. But during our time together, he impressed upon me a scripture "Yet he slay me, yet will I trust Him." I know the verse; I know what it means, but for the first time, I let the weight of those words really sink in. I have a hard time with trust, and to apply this verse to my life, the real truth of this verse, is a bit overwhelming. When I pray this verse, I'm saying "God, even if all my hopes and ambitions and dreams are never fulfilled, even if I never get what I want, even if everything in my life falls apart, I will still trust that God has it under control." Do we really realize how heavy that is?? That's trust beyond my imagination. I know that God wants me to trust Him that much. And I'm learning. But something else I rea...

**Disclaimer**  I'll probably be giving away a little bit of the plot to the books, so if you are still reading the Series...proceed with caution! So I finally decided to read the Twilight books and figure out what was so great that it had all of my students (7 th graders to seniors) actually sticking their heads in a book!  It didn't take too long to realize that the story is plain mesmerizing.  I started the saga last Sunday and finished it today.  I even read the 3rd book in one night.  I started at 6:30 and couldn't stop reading until I finished it at 2:30 that morning. A guy friend and aspiring author said that he wanted to read the series and try to figure out what it was that women wanted in a good novel, since Twilight seemed to be the only thing teenage girls could talk about lately.  My first response was, "A girl wants out of a novel what she wants in reality but knows she isn't going to get...perfection!"  After finishing the last book, Breaking D...

I'm a pretty cynical person. It's not necessarily something I'm proud of, but it's who I am. I work on not being too cynical, but it's a defense mechanism. Sometimes in life, I've found, it's better to expect the worst, that way you don't get your hopes up. I'm not the biggest Christmas fan around. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love getting and receiving presents as much as the next girl. However, I get a bit tired of all the things we are expected to do just because it's Christmas. You have Christmas parties, Christmas programs, and all the other Christmas activities that aren't done because you want to but because you are obligated to do them. It makes my cynicism hit the roof if not kept in check. But last night, I was reminded what Christmas is about. I know a young boy with autism who is mesmerized by me. (I know...as if the boy didn't have enough on his plate!) Anyways, he just thinks I am the greatest thing in the worl...

To me, “FEARLESS” is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. FEARLESS is falling madly in love again, even though you’ ve been hurt before. FEARLESS is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. FEARLESS is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again…even though every time you’ ve tried before, you’ ve lost.  It’s FEARLESS to have faith that someday things will change. FEARLESS is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. I think it’s FEARLESS to fall for your best friend, even though he’s in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, I think it’s FEARLESS to stop believing them. It’s FEARLESS to say “you’re NOT sorry”, and walk away.  I think lovin...

I don't understand it.  And I know that I'm not meant to understand everything.  I know that I am incapable of seeing the big picture.  I'm desperately trying to trust you completely.  I want to believe, but please help my unbelief. I know that I don't deserve anything.  Everything I have, everything I am, is only because you are a gracious father who wishes to bestow good upon me.   Forgive me for being selfish and bratty.  I know that things could be worse and that there are many, many others who's plight is 100 times more devastating than anything I could imagine. It doesn't stop my heart from aching but it lessens the pain.   You ultimately are the only one I need, the only one that can make me better.  I stand in awe of Your grace and love.  I'm amazed by You. The only thing I have to offer You today are my tears and my life.  It's not much, especially compared to Your greatness, but I give it anyway.  But the most amazing thing is that You find my...

I am full.  I am complete.  I'm not sure I've felt that way in a long time.  Something has always been missing.  Oh, I've been happy and peaceful, but never this complete because I've never understood the magnitude of love. I have friends and family.  I have people in my life that I know love me and would do anything and everything they could for me.  I have people that care about me spiritually and physically.  I have people that aren't worried about me making mistakes.  They are there to pull me up if it happens though.  I have friends that love me for me, not for what I can do for them.  There is a guy out there who likes me.  He may not be perfect, but neither am I.  The situation may not be completely ideal, but is it ever?  And he may not end up being "the one", but it sure is fun spending time with him!  He thinks I'm cute, and he texts me goodnight every night, no matter how late it is.  I also have a God who loves me unconditionally.  He has n...

I'm not sure where this post is going. I have several things floating around my head. Maybe it will become several posts, or maybe it will be just one long one. Most of this stuff will be excerpts from The Shack and my thoughts about the quotes. Some things will just be my rants... A brief background of The Shack: This man named Mack gets a letter from God to visit him at The Shack. The Shack is a very emotional scarring place for Mack and here he meets the Trinity. God (Papa) reveals himself as a black woman, Jesus is a Hebrew carpenter, and the Holy Spirit is an Asian woman. (Don't freak out or judge unless you read the book.) "How can you really know how I feel?" Mack asked, looking back into her eyes. Papa didn't answer, only looked down at their hands. his gaze followed hers and for the first time Mack noticed the scars in her wrists, like those he now assumed Jesus also had on his. She allowed him to tenderly touch the scars, outlines of a deep piercing, an...

He tickled her and tossed her back towards the bed.  They began to playfully wrestle, and next thing she knew, she was hanging off the edge of the bed. "Don't push me off."  She seemed to plead in between laughs. "Why?  You scared?"  He teased, pushing her again towards the ledge. "Matthew!"  she screamed his name out a little loudly, this time startling even him. "Woe...you really are afraid of falling, huh?"  he grabbed her firmly saving her from any tumble towards the ground. The words resounded in her ears.  She was terrified of falling....both physically and figuratively. What if there was no one to catch her?  What if it hurt?  What if she was scarred beyond recognition from the fall?  What if nothing was able to put her back together? Yes, she really was afraid of falling, not so much from the bed, but from this high place that she had set her heart, away from the reach of any guy....well almost any guy. It seemed like her mind had be...

Where did the church (as a whole) go wrong? When did we start to think that God blesses us to store it all up? Why did we think it is ok to hold on to what God gave us? Why aren't we giving out of our abundance ? Why aren't we helping the unfortunate at every turn? Instead we are praying "God bless me. God send this to me. God I need." Then when He provides we hold on to it for dear life as if He is not the owner of the cattle on a thousand hills, as if He doesn't have more where that came from. I've found that God is big enough to supply us with lots. Then when we've given to everyone we can find, we still have tons left over. I've found that God can take 2 fishes and 5 loaves of bread and feed 5000 with plenty to spare. Why does the church think they are the final say on salvation? When did we think we could take salvation into our own hands? Why do we think that works save us. Why do we try to put God in a formula. Why do we lay out certain standa...

Kim's Korner - What is Love - Kindness

A friend of mine commented how much I've changed over the past year. He said besides the emotional peace I seem to have lately, there has been an outward change. He stated that I was taking time out for me, and it seemed to show. He's right. I have been having a ton of "me" time lately. Some of it has been fun: new clothes, new hair, new tan, even the new work-outs. But all the inward, emotional stuff has been down right difficult at times. It's not so easy to look at yourself and say, "You've got to change." It hurts to dig deep and expose light to the dark places of your soul. My recently discovered issue is that I don't trust myself, therefore, I don't trust others. As a result I keep my guard up with people as not to be disappointed when they don't live up to my expectations. My expectations of others are high because I expect too much out of myself. I'm hard on myself because I don't trust myself to just relax. I do...

I'm sitting in my bed, in my apartment, stealing my neighbors internet ! Things are good! Being on my own for the first time has been pretty good. I'm not going to say I haven't missed home, I have, but not so much that I want to go back. Not that home was bad, I'm just ready for this new stage of my life. I've fought with the cable company and gone grocery shopping today. I am officially a big kid now! :) As for the rest of my life, I had a minor break down last week. With everything going on, I got a bit overwhelmed. I had a few doubts about some things that I was trying to turn over to God. But after a bit of prayer, tears, and sleep, I was able to reanalyze everything. God continues to amaze me everyday. It's as if I re-discover God's love and grace every morning. I'm so glad and honored to be His child!

I never liked the story of the Prodigal Son . It never made much sense to me. It went against everything I had ever been taught. It just wasn't fair. The prodigal son gets cocky, decides to move out, and lives his life in sin. He does everything he knows he's not suppose to do. However, when the Prodigal comes back home, the dad throws a big party and celebrates the return of the son. Now all the while this fuss is being made over the bad boy coming home, the good son gets left out. There is no big celebration for the good one. He gets no recognition for doing what he is suppose to do. Basically, he's good, but yet gets the shaft. That story isn't fair. If we do bad things, we are to be punished. If we do good things, we should be rewarded right? But in this story, the bad guy gets the party while the good guy has to help clean up afterwards. It never made sense to me. I'm the Prodigal's brother, or well, sister. I'm the good girl that has alwa...