Originally Unoriginal

I just need someone to tell me what to do. I need them to make the decision for me that I can't seem to make on my own. Every time I think I have made up my mind, I become doubtful yet again. I just need to sit down and have a good cry, and I'm sure by the time I post this blog, I will have had it. I'm just stressed. Completely, utterly, worn slap out. I teach plus grad school plus extra-curricular activities with school plus training for the class I am currently teaching. Through school, sleep, and Jesus in there and there isn't a free minute. And the world keeps spinning, and people don't stop having their lives because my life is busy. And I feel left out. Lately, I haven't been able to connect with anyone or anything. I feel so useless and worthless. I feel unlovable, as if no one will ever really be able to accept the real me. And whether these things are true or not...it's how I feel right now and it's all a bit overwhelming.

I am sorry for the long delay between blog posts. Who knew life would get so busy? But, alas, I have scheduled time to write to those faithful followers that are left! So a quick run-down of what has been going on in my life lately: Grad school has been kicking my butt...so I kicked back! Scored a 102 on my first Intro to Counseling class and a 100 on my first counseling video! It's requiring a lot of work, but I'm managing. I may only take 1 class next semester because Spring Semester is usually my busiest at school. We'll see how it works. I may have conquered my problem of procrastination...least for now. With everything on my plate (2 grad classes, 1 online training, monthly face to face training, etc) I can't afford to get behind. I've been doing a great job of staying on top of the game, if I do say so myself. I got a DOG! He's a 2 year old Yorkie who is house trained and use to apartment life. Between my brother and I, I am sure we can manage hi...

Well today was the first day of school. I know....WAY TOO EARLY! People here in the MS Delta haven't figured out that most people don't start until Labor Day. Oh well, we will survive. Today was actually a great first day. I am teaching a new class for both me and the school, Information and Communication Technology 1 ( ICT 1). I'm really excited about teaching computers and typing and all the cool gadgets I get for my room. The only set back is that my equipment hasn't come in yet. So I'm teaching a Technology class without Technology! It should be in soon, and I have several things to do before we even need to begin with the computers. Besides starting this new class, I'll be attending 2 grad classes on the 19 th . I am going to begin work on my Master's in School Counseling. I'm a bit nervous about handling the workload of teaching and learning, but I think I'm going to be able to balance it all. Perhaps it's for the best I'm n...

I still haven't received word about the Teacher Fellowship. The State of Mississippi has possibly gotten their act together and signed the budget just in the nick of time. So hopefully, I'll know something regarding money next week! I went ahead and met with my advisor to discuss scheduling options in case the grant comes through. (Even if it doesn't , I'm gonna try and make it all work.) The School Counseling program is a 60 hour program, and if I take 2 classes a semester plus summer school I can finish everything in 3 calendar years. That works perfectly because the Teacher Fellowship only allows you 3 years. But there are some catches... The classes I need for the first semester are only offered at 3:30 and 6:00 PM. The University is 45 minutes away from where I teach. That means, the school is going to have to give me the last period of the day free so that I can leave at 2:00 once a week to make it to my classes. However, I can take both classes in 1 day...

...often go awry! Now, spiritually I would say to that...."Yes, our plans often go awry, but God's plan is always perfect." And I know in my heart that is completely, correct. However my flesh says, "sometimes my plan seems really good, and it would be great if God would go with it. Or at least give a girl a head's up!" Here's the deal. MY plans were to apply for this teacher fellowship that would pay for my grad school tuition. I would take a class each semester and then load up in the summer. I would be done in 3 years and also be done with the sign-on commitment to teach in MS for 3 years. I would be free to do and go wherever with my educational counseling masters after that! Of course everyone assured me I would be a shoe-in! Well it seems that the deadline is here to announce the fellows for the upcoming school year, and I haven't heard jack. Now, this could possibly be that my nice state congressmen have yet to approve the budget fo...

My first week back to school turned out to be a great week.  The students behaved for the most part, and I got several things knocked off of my "to-do" list.   I went to the dentist and got my teeth cleaned.  I love having my teeth cleaned, especially now since they are pretty and straight!  I also went to the doctor and had my blood checked again.  I am extremely anemic.  I was put on iron pills about a year ago, but when I went back for a check up, my iron levels were still low.  The doctor doubled my dosage of iron, and this time my levels were up.  I'm glad about that because taking iron pills is so much better than a shot!  I still need to visit the eye doctor and the dermatologist , but they'll have to wait until I pay for the blood work up. This week I have to begin applying for Grad School.  I need to call and get my transcripts and fill out the application, etc.  The process shouldn't be too hard, but I have to get a start on it in order to make the deadl...

It's hard to be positive when  it's so easy to be negative.  But I'm going to force myself!  Here's the good things that have gone on this week.... I got paid $50.00 this week for helping out my friend.  I'm not sure if that's pay for the month or the week or just whenever, but it certainly did help out!  God has really blessed with opening this avenue up for me. I had a mini-talk with Mr. Amazing.  Things are better though not ideal.  But then again, when has anything been ideal for me?  He's busy and stressed but not dropping off the face of the planet.  That will do for now. I've decided to go back to school.  It'll be this summer before I can begin because I've got to take my GRE , get accepted to Grad School, and apply for a fellowship to pay for the schooling.  I'll still be teaching while going to school, so it'll take a couple of years, but I'm up for it.  I miss intelligent conversation and discussion but I'm sure it'...