Originally Unoriginal

I just need someone to tell me what to do. I need them to make the decision for me that I can't seem to make on my own. Every time I think I have made up my mind, I become doubtful yet again. I just need to sit down and have a good cry, and I'm sure by the time I post this blog, I will have had it. I'm just stressed. Completely, utterly, worn slap out. I teach plus grad school plus extra-curricular activities with school plus training for the class I am currently teaching. Through school, sleep, and Jesus in there and there isn't a free minute. And the world keeps spinning, and people don't stop having their lives because my life is busy. And I feel left out. Lately, I haven't been able to connect with anyone or anything. I feel so useless and worthless. I feel unlovable, as if no one will ever really be able to accept the real me. And whether these things are true or not...it's how I feel right now and it's all a bit overwhelming.

I just received extremely sad new; a former student of mine was killed instantly in a car crash earlier today. She was on my yearbook staff a couple of years ago and was one of the students that I was closest too, even after graduation. She texted me and kept in touch via Facebook . I saw her with her boyfriend at a softball game last week. She let me borrow her pony tail holder. I meant to get it back to her soon. This is the 3rd student/former student that has passed away since school started in August. It's hard for me as a teacher to see life end so tragically, so abruptly. They aren't suppose to die. They are teenagers. But here I am, creating memorials for these students to put in the upcoming yearbook. Here we are comforting students who have lost their brother, sister, and friends.

I am sorry for the long delay between blog posts. Who knew life would get so busy? But, alas, I have scheduled time to write to those faithful followers that are left! So a quick run-down of what has been going on in my life lately: Grad school has been kicking my butt...so I kicked back! Scored a 102 on my first Intro to Counseling class and a 100 on my first counseling video! It's requiring a lot of work, but I'm managing. I may only take 1 class next semester because Spring Semester is usually my busiest at school. We'll see how it works. I may have conquered my problem of procrastination...least for now. With everything on my plate (2 grad classes, 1 online training, monthly face to face training, etc) I can't afford to get behind. I've been doing a great job of staying on top of the game, if I do say so myself. I got a DOG! He's a 2 year old Yorkie who is house trained and use to apartment life. Between my brother and I, I am sure we can manage hi...

Well today was the first day of school. I know....WAY TOO EARLY! People here in the MS Delta haven't figured out that most people don't start until Labor Day. Oh well, we will survive. Today was actually a great first day. I am teaching a new class for both me and the school, Information and Communication Technology 1 ( ICT 1). I'm really excited about teaching computers and typing and all the cool gadgets I get for my room. The only set back is that my equipment hasn't come in yet. So I'm teaching a Technology class without Technology! It should be in soon, and I have several things to do before we even need to begin with the computers. Besides starting this new class, I'll be attending 2 grad classes on the 19 th . I am going to begin work on my Master's in School Counseling. I'm a bit nervous about handling the workload of teaching and learning, but I think I'm going to be able to balance it all. Perhaps it's for the best I'm n...

It's been an absolutely crazy couple of weeks, and I do apologize for not keeping you all updated. I'm sure you have just been at wit's end not being able to hear my rants and raves. I'm not sure how you have all managed without me! :) So I've had several hour long conversations with my ex-boyfriend, the only guy I ever loved. Mr. Amazing has been very attentive via text, and even said he missed me the other day. Go figure. On top of that, I've had some extremely stressful situations at school. Not just discipline issues but real frustrating, no answer available situations. Then I had to decorate for Prom last week and chaperon, but that was actually kinda fun, just time consuming! So my brain has been fried along with my emotions, and therefore I just didn't find time to blog. Plus I'm learning that too many people read my blog and so I have to be careful what I write. I don't want anyone to get their feelings hurt and I don't want one ...

Wow!  My Spring Break went by super fast.  I had a great time in DC, but it was extremely tiring!  We walked for miles seeing the city, but by the end of each day our legs were killing us.  A bunch of wusses , I know.   It was amazing to stand in the exact spot that Martin Luther King stood when he gave his "I have a dream speech ."  It was inspiring to walk through the Capitol's Rotunda where Presidents and Congressmen have walked.    It's not just someone else's history...it's my history. I got home about midnight Friday Night/Saturday Morning.  I did laundry all day Saturday and was working on our New Church today.  (It is official, the new church is ours.  The guys started sheet-rocking the walls of the Sanctuary today!  Soon there will be no more rented buildings!  YEAH!)  So I can't say that I've really rested up and am ready for school tomorrow. This week is another busy week for me.  I'm going to the Chris Tomlin concert on Thursday in Lit...

You should know by now that if I've avoided the blogosphere for too long, it means 1 or 2 things: My life is so busy that I don't have time to write. I am dealing with so many thoughts that I refuse to sit down and write because I don't want to deal with them. This time, its a mixture of the two. I'm taking a night class this semester to prepare for a 3 part test.  I have to take this test to be certified to teach a computer class next semester.  The kicker is, our district won't know if we'll even be able to offer the class until April, but I have to take all this training just in case it all works out.  Of course, when you ask for details, no one seems to know anything.  I've gotten so many different answers that it's left me a bit stressed.  I like to know what is expected of me, and everything is so up in the air that it's driving me crazy. I've also applied to Graduate School.  I planned on starting this summer, but the fellowship I'm ap...

My first week back to school turned out to be a great week.  The students behaved for the most part, and I got several things knocked off of my "to-do" list.   I went to the dentist and got my teeth cleaned.  I love having my teeth cleaned, especially now since they are pretty and straight!  I also went to the doctor and had my blood checked again.  I am extremely anemic.  I was put on iron pills about a year ago, but when I went back for a check up, my iron levels were still low.  The doctor doubled my dosage of iron, and this time my levels were up.  I'm glad about that because taking iron pills is so much better than a shot!  I still need to visit the eye doctor and the dermatologist , but they'll have to wait until I pay for the blood work up. This week I have to begin applying for Grad School.  I need to call and get my transcripts and fill out the application, etc.  The process shouldn't be too hard, but I have to get a start on it in order to make the deadl...

...so I'm sorry that I haven't posted anything lately.  I've had something to do every day after school.  I've helped my friend with her monogramming business, kept score at the school basketball games, taken pictures at the school choir concert, and helped a local business with inventory after hours.  On top of that I'm doing church stuff, going to the grocery store, and trying to do some Christmas shopping.   Whoever said this is the "most wonderful time of the year" was CRAZY.   As if that wasn't enough, Mr. Amazing texted me out of the blue today....I won't even comment on all of that.  I was really hoping to avoid a roller coaster; I just wish I had enough strength to walk away and not get on the ride.

My body waved the white flag this weekend.  It's been a stressful, emotional, and tiring past few months.  So Saturday, it was quitting time.  I went to bed feeling pretty miserable Saturday, and Sunday morning I was in the throws of a full blown sinus infection.   I would like to proudly state that it has been a year and 2 months since my last visit to the doctor for a sinus infection.  But today when my doctor took a look at my throat, she stepped back and said " Ew , that is pretty bad!"  I got a shot and some antibiotics, so I'll be right as rain in a few days. As for taking a break, well, I can sleep when I'm dead, right? The stress part is not all my fault.  Things at school have been pretty crazy.  Professionally, I shouldn't discuss it with the blogosphere .  I'll just say we've been dealing with break-ins, vandalism, fights, sheriffs , expulsions, and new security cameras.  I'm not concerned for my safety or the safety of my students reall...

It's hard to be positive when  it's so easy to be negative.  But I'm going to force myself!  Here's the good things that have gone on this week.... I got paid $50.00 this week for helping out my friend.  I'm not sure if that's pay for the month or the week or just whenever, but it certainly did help out!  God has really blessed with opening this avenue up for me. I had a mini-talk with Mr. Amazing.  Things are better though not ideal.  But then again, when has anything been ideal for me?  He's busy and stressed but not dropping off the face of the planet.  That will do for now. I've decided to go back to school.  It'll be this summer before I can begin because I've got to take my GRE , get accepted to Grad School, and apply for a fellowship to pay for the schooling.  I'll still be teaching while going to school, so it'll take a couple of years, but I'm up for it.  I miss intelligent conversation and discussion but I'm sure it'...

I'm broke.  Really, really broke.  Like I only have $7.00 left of October's paycheck.  Yep, I've already paid bills and have just a little more than a dollar a week to last me to November.  Then in November I have to pay my car insurance.  I don't have any money to pay the car insurance. Thank God I have my parents who can loan me the money until I can come up with it.  I need a part-time job.  I need a couple of more hours a day in which to have this part-time job.  I've got to do something... As if being poor wasn't enough worry, I'm beginning to think I'll never see Mr. Amazing again.  He's swamped with school and I'm swamped with all the things I do.  The weekends I have free, he has to study.  The weeks he has free, I have school stuff or weddings or whatever.  :(  Plus neither of us have a lot of money in which to travel with and spend on dates.  Text messages and phone calls are just not enough at times. So I'm money-less and boy-less ...

I don't really have anything I wish to share. Even though I enjoy talking about Mr. Amazing, I find that I don't want to share it to the whole blogosphere . I'd rather keep all his sweet, wonderful gestures more intimate than the world wide web. So if I'm not talking about him, I find that I don't have much else to share with you right now. School is going well, church is going well, and for the most part, life in general is going well. Maybe something interesting will lead me to blog soon.

I'm exhausted. Mentally and Physically. It's not the "I need a vacation" kind of exhaustion. It's a "I wish things would give" kind of exhaustion. It's nothing new. Things always seem to pile up at the wrong time. With the beginning of the school year on me, it just seems like I have so many things to do. Church events, weddings, showers, friends, football and softball games, students...the list goes on and on. In all of the chaos I'm still dealing with all the changes I'm going through spiritually and then watching my friends dealing with the same issues. I couldn't imaging my life without all the hoop-la but at times, I envy the lives of those with less drama! Then there is Mr. Amazing. He's still being amazing, and despite the faith I'm trying to have, I'm still waiting for the amazing to dwindle into "same ole crap." I remind myself that it's easy to be amazing when you're 3 hours away so that I...

School started back today. I'm exhausted from having to wake up early and from sitting in meaningless meetings all day. I tried to grab a power nap but text messages and phone calls ended that. I gave up hope because I didn't have too much time left. A friend from High School was in town so he took me to dinner and a movie. We had a great time and actually ran into 2 other friends from High School. One guy we saw took one look at me and called out " Kimbo !" my nickname from school. He kept going on about how it had been so long since we'd seen each other. We are both still living in town, and it's a small town, but we never have run into one another. The night was fun, catching up with old friends. For those of you interested, I have in fact talked to Mr. Amazing via phone or text messaging every day. He's always very sweet and still says he's trying to come visit before school starts back for him in a few weeks. I'm trying to take eve...

I cooked my first meal in my apartment. Yes, I've been there a month and it was the first time I turned the stove on! It was a Green Giant Chicken Teriyaki meal , but it was good! Today, I'm making stew in a crock-pot b/c I want be home until much later. I've turned into a culinary genius! :) Other than that, my time off has been busy so far. My friend has a monogramming business, so I've been working for her the past few days. I'll finish this order up this afternoon, then I'll be running errands, going to work out, and watching my brother play softball. My parents are on vacation in Asheville , NC. We got my mom tickets to the Biltmore Plantation and so they finally got a chance to go this week. Mom called to tell me all about it. I'm a bit jealous, but I'm glad they got to go. She's always wanted to see it. I'm going Saturday to help my friend look for bridesmaid's dresses. She's getting married September 27 th . I'm ...

They let us out of school early today because it was sleeting a little bit. Then they canceled the basketball game for tonight. And that makes me a little sad. This is pathetic, but I actually like the basketball games on Friday night. That way I have something to do. Now it's Friday night, and I don't have anything to do. I guess it's times like this that remind me of how lame I am.

I have an internal stress clock that goes off around November 1st every year. It's chiming rather loudly right now. Seems everything falls upon the few short weekends between now and Christmas and everyone is demanding something from me. Here's a small snippet of my schedule: This Week: Monday-- Basketball Game Tuesday-- Band Practice Wednesday -- Church Thursday--Band Practice Friday -- Playoffs Football Game Saturday--Mom's Birthday, Wedding, Gig at a local restaurant, friends come to visit Sunday--Church Next few Weeks Leave to go to LA on that Friday come home on Wednesday before Thanksgiving December 1st--Friend's Baby shower (out of town) December 9 th -- Church Christmas Play (When am I going to have time to practice for that??) Add in several basketball games a week, plus working at the YMCA, (By the way, I haven't started that YET!) 9-weeks test, Semester finals, and all the other in between things I manage to throw in. So as you can see, the countdown to...

Here's a video of me and my students learning about...culture??

Guys are the most confusing creatures on earth. I'm sure they don't mean to be, but they are. I'm working out at the YMCA with my brother! Tonight is my first night, and I'm really excited. I hope I'm excited a few months from now! I left my camera in Hot Springs while visiting my friends for the weekend. I'll have pictures to add whenever I get it back! I got a speeding ticket while traveling home yesterday from Hot Springs. I have a radar detector. It didn't start beeping until I was already pulled over. I wanted to chunk it out the window. The coaches have talked me into doing the score book at the basketball games this season. I get paid $25 a game, so I said yes. I'll use the money to pay for my speeding ticket and use the rest for my rising car insurance cost! We had awesome church last night. Despite a vindictive situation that could have taken place, God honored the right attitude and showered down His Spirit anyway! Did you know that LSD can sta...