Originally Unoriginal

Closure, wrap up, Epilogue. Sometimes you need more than just "The End." Sometimes there has to be more to the story. This is especially true when there's a breakup. In a lot of cases, one person is ready to end the relationship while another is still holding on. Things end sometimes badly and people spend years, lifetimes even, trying to figure out what went wrong. Sometimes you aren't even aware that you need closure. It's as if you go through life not completely whole but unaware of what your missing. That was me. Unaware of needing closure. I'm the one that broke his heart. I'm the one that put a sudden stop to things. Why would it bother me? 7 years later, I find that all I ever needed was an acknowledgement. I got much more, I got an apology. 7 years ago, I had my first boyfriend, Mr. Miata. We dated for several months. He was 18; I was 15/16. He had gotten really attached to me, and being as young as I was, I became really attached to someone else. ...

With the celebration of 100 years since the Azusa Street revival, Pentecost has become a buzz word. I saw this article link on Yahoo! homepage. There is also a blog entry about someone's Pentecostal heritage. After reading both of the above mentioned writings, I felt out of place. I tell people that I'm Pentecostal; I attend United Pentecostal Church of Greenville. However, I'm not sure if that's how I want to be labeled. The article from Yahoo! groups all Pentecostal (oneness and Trinitarian) together, whether they are charismatic, Church of God, Assembly of God, UPCI, etc. The blog states that many Pentecostals are eccentric racists. I'm not all of those things. Eccentric, at times, yes. Racists?? Definitely not. Charismatic...No. Does the word Pentecost kill my witness? Will that one label cause people to immediately tune me out? I use to think that Pentecost was the right label. By saying I was Pentecostal, I assumed people interpreted it to mean: I believe in ...

This theory might explain why I'm not as healthy as I once was. Maybe I suffer because I'm not in love?? Perhaps all the zits are not from the past few weeks of stress, maybe it's because I'm getting touches of hatred instead of kindness?? What a thought. Maybe I should hope for God to send that infamous one to me sooner?? ********************* You ever have that feeling that a bunch of changes are about to take place, sooner than later? I have that feeling. Surprisingly, I'm excited and even anticipating these changes. With the way things have been going lately, anything would be better. Serving God is all about going through bad times and good times. There is suppose to be joy in the morning; night doesn't last always. So eventually things are going to have to get better. Right? ********************* Overall, I had a good weekend. I made a decision that I stuck to firmly, and I wasn't landblasted for having a bad attitude. I was even told what I did was ...

"You know, I don't go to church no more. I used to go to church. Let me tell you something about church. You know, church is fine, but my problem is church folk . If you ever go to church looking for anything but God, you're in trouble, because church folk will run you out of there. I have never had so many people sitting around and talking and pointing their fingers and all that other stuff, acting like they're holier than everybody else. But if God ever uncovered their dirt, it would blow your mind! The things that they do! So you got to watch people who are pointing fingers all the time. When they're pointing one at you, the other fingers are pointing back at themselves. So I stopped going a long time ago." -- Madea, Don't Make a Black Woman Take Off Her Earrings That pretty much sums up my feelings lately. I haven't stopped going to church, and I won't. But I am highly annoyed at how "Christian" people act. What's sad is I hardly ...

Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday dear BLOG Happy Birthday to you! It's seems like yesterday I set up my blogger account. But here I am a year later, looking back at past posts; I'm so proud. Blogging, for me, is a way to release all the mess that goes on in my brain. I'm so glad that my outlet could also reach to the hearts of all you wonderful people. Without you, I would just be another forgotten blog taking up username space. I'm going to keep on blogging, as long as my thoughts come. I hope to bring you fresh new insights and more ranting in the next year. So to all of you who made this happen, thank you. Good night and Good luck! =)

As you know, a good friend of my family was shot recently. He was finally able to go home Monday afternoon. Obviously he's still recovering, etc. His wife owns a monogramming business that she runs out of her home. When she gets busy I help her out, so I've been over at her house the past few days after school getting her caught back up while she runs errands and takes care of her husband. Yesterday I was diligently working. No one besides me and Mr. Bullet Wound was there, and he was asleep on the couch. About 4:30, Mrs. Monogrammer's father came to the house (he lives across the street.) He asked if anyone was there, said he didn't know if he was going to make it, and had to rush to his doctors office. Well I couldn't let ole grandpa just die on his way to the doctors, so I asked if he wanted me to go with him. He agreed, and I told him I would drive. Grandpa already had his OLD Dodge pickup truck cranked and in the driveway, blocking all other cars. So I hop in t...

Although it's a bad way to show Christ , at least it's not a pentecostal church this time!

I read this article while on the MSN homepage. It speaks about what kind of woman a man wants to marry, an A+ or A- woman. Different experts on this topic give their opinions on whether successful women have a lesser chance of getting married. I've had someone flat out tell me that if I continued my college education, I could pretty much forget finding a good man to marry. He told me that he dated a girl who was highly educated and he felt intimidated. Soon after he met the girl who would later become his wife. He broke up with the educated girl for his now-wife. Although he never said it, he inferred that he married his wife instead of the old girlfriend because she wasn't as educated and therefore less intimidating. Maybe he's right. Maybe guys don't want successful, educated women because they feel inferior. However, I think successful women aren't marrying as much as non-successful women because they know they are worth more and not willing to settle for less. A...

I know a guy, let's call him Mr. Quiet. I know a girl who really likes Mr. Quiet. Let's call her Ms. In Love. Everyone knows that Ms. In Love really likes Mr. Quiet, but you never know if the feeling is shared or not. Mr. Quiet messages me and emails every once in a while. I've never really thought anything of it because it's always usually sporadic. However, today, Mr. Quiet asked me what I was doing after church. Unknowingly, I said, oh nothing. Had I known the question that was coming, I would have made up some excuse. I fell right into the trap and was asked, "Well would you like to go out and eat after church?" **BIG PROBLEM** I wanted to say, "Well, I think Ms. In Love really likes you, and I don't want to hurt a friend by going out with you, so no." However, I wasn't exactly up on how Ms. In Love felt for sure, so I didn't want to go acclaiming something I wasn't 100% sure of. So I did what any person would do, I said, "Ma...

I read a new blog today. One of the post offered a site to this quiz based upon the book "The Five Love Languages." I've never read the book myself, but a former sunday school teacher shared it during a study on relationships. So I am familiar with the book. Here are my love languages, listed in my order of importance according to the quiz: Acts of Service--You prefer to show your love through favors and chores and doing things for others. You feel put-upon and unappreciated when your efforts are taken for granted. Quality Time--This can be expressed either through those intimate tete-a-tete discussions or via doing things together. Words of Affirmation--You need to hear praise to know you are loved and you may also prefer to express your affection verbally. Negative comments cut right to the bone. You want to hear that you're loved and how much and why. Touch--You want to give and/or receive affection physically. This may or may not center around sex. Gifts--You ar...

You see things on the news, and you never think that something so bad could happen to you or someone you know. Thursday night, around 11:00 pm, a good friend of my family (practically my 2nd father) was held up at gun point and shot. All of this took place as his 17 year old son watched. Thankfully, he is recovering. Although he is still in a lot of pain, he will just fine in a few weeks. His soon is still really upset, blaming himself. I'm afraid it won't pull him closer, just make him bitter. I'm sitting her shaking my head, trying to figure out why this happened. It's just another cloud blocking the light on my way down this road . I can't comprehend why bad things keep happening to people I love. I can't find God in any of this. Where are You? Can You hear me? I can't hear You! Where are You? Can You feel me? I can't feel You! Despite my every effort, I can't break through. Jesus, where are You? You brought me to this place, and someone wa...

The best advice I've heard recently is "You can't use logic with illogical people." Once we realize this statement, we know there are some battles that aren't winnable. It doesn't matter how right you are. If you're not dealing with a logical person, they will never understand. So is the situation with my family. My Nanna died this past June, and since then my mother has been dealing with some very illogical people. My aunt, or ex-aunt as she has so boldly proclaimed, is number one on the list of illogical people. Somehow she has gotten this stupid notion that my mom, the executrix of the estate, gave me money from Nanna's estate. She also thinks my mom has bank CD's of my Nanna's money in her name. She thinks my Nanna paid my way through college. Now here's the logic. My Nanna was living on social security. She received a couple thousand dollars a month on which to live. She was able to apply for Medicaid in the last 2 years of her life. I...

I ran across this article , and I had to share it with everyone. It's called "4 Signs That a Man's Ready for Marriage -- and 4 That He's Not." If you don't have time to read it, I'll highlight the list for ya. He's ready to be a potential husband if: His Oat-Sowing Days Are Over He's Financially Independent He's Discovered His Desire to Be a Dad He's Your Boyfriend in Name -- Your Husband in Spirit He's not ready to settle down if: Says he has no interest in tying the knot Buys a Porsche Calls his married friends "losers" Continually makes you cry It's not as if I'm at this stage in my life, but it's a good reminder to know what to look for when those days come. The whole gist of the article is not to force something that is obviously not going to happen.

I had a really insightful post last night while lying in my bed. I forgot it this morning after I woke up. Guess it wasn't too insightful. ****************** I went to Wal-mart early this morning to get the new Rascal Flatts CD that came out today. I realize that it was 7:00 in the morning, but they only had 1 register open. Of course there weren't thousands of people in there, but they could open up more than one check out line! I'll never understand wal-mart. ****************** I just remembered what I was going to blog about. It was actually really insightful, at least on my part. However, it's too much to add in this random post, so you'll have to check it out later. ****************** Easter is on it's way. That means a whole lot of hoop-la to celebrate a day that changes it's location on the calendar every year. I understand what Easter stands for and all. It just seems like we go WAY out of our way to push this service, get new outfits, and fix big di...

So I did something I shouldn't have done the other day. While I was doing it, I thought to myself, "I shouldn't do this." But by that time, I was already in the process, and I just kept on going. I should have stopped, but I didn't. I realize that I messed up. I even asked for forgiveness. But I have a problem. Most of the time when I mess up, make a bad decision, etc., I have a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, a feeling of shame, guilt, conviction. I usually fall on my face and cry and snot to God pleading for His forgiveness. My mind usually dwells on it for days until I'm able to forget it. This time I didn't feel anything. I knew that I did something wrong, but moments later, I totally forgot about it. When I prayed and asked God to forgive me, I didn't cry. I didn't feel terrible. I just said, "God, I messed up, and I'm sorry." There was no great remorse or conviction. It was all so matter of fact. I me...

Boy : Ms. Rigney, have you ever felt like you had to prove yourself to people? Me: Sure. It's not such a great feeling, but sometimes you have to. Boy : Well I'm having to do that, and I just don't know if I'm up for it. Me: Well it's tough to have to prove yourself when people are waiting for you to fail. But it's always great when you can actually do it...prove yourself to them. Boy: A lot of teachers here at school know that I use to act up and get in trouble. Now they all still give me a hard time and won't allow me to change. Me: Well you've got to keep at it. Stay on the straight and narrow. Make good grades, stay out of trouble. Prove you are responsible. Boy: I've started saving for college, but I know the only way I can afford it is to get a football scholarship. The coach won't give me a chance. I failed 9th grade last year, and I wasn't able to play ball. Now the coach is always on my case about other people a...

I love the country band Rascal Flatts (RF). Ever since they released their first album, I've been a fan right from the very start. But there's a history behind this band... When they were just beginning, they were going to do an outside concert in a small town at a balloon festival a few miles away from my home. That night it started raining so we didn't go to the concert. Come to find out it didn't rain in that town and they had the concert. From that moment on it was my desire to see them. Then Last year I had tickets to see them in concert and I had to sell them to someone else because I couldn't go. I've always heard, the third times a charm, and I had high hopes when I found out RF would be in Little Rock, AR. I joined the RF fan club so I could order VIP tickets and be right up front. I requested the tickets just like I was suppose to, I got a confirmation email, and followed the directions in order to purchase my tickets. My directions were to call the bo...

what do you want from me? do you want me weak? my strength is gone. do you want me with no one else to depend upon? i'm all alone. do you want me with no where else to turn to? i'm at my wits-end. do you want me without my own answers? i'm clueless. do you want me broken? i'm shattered. what do you want from me? do you want my faith? i'm not sure if i have any. do you want my trust? i'm not sure i can trust again do you want me? there's not too much left of me.... but if you can find even one piece, it's yours.

I went back to the dentist this past Wednesday to get the other 2 teeth pulled. My sweet dentist had mercy on me and offered me Nitrous gas before giving me the shots! I was relaxed and didn't have any problems. He pulled those teeth right on out, and I was doing great. The key word there in that last sentence is WAS. I WAS doing great, until Friday night. With all the madness in Memphis, my mouth started hurting pretty badly. I took some advil and went to bed that night. Saturday morning, I still wasn't doing so hot. I took more advil until Saturday night when the pain was just unbearable. My dentist had given me a prescription for pain pills, but I never got it filled because I wasn't having any problems. So Saturday night my mom gave me an old pain pill of hers. 30 minutes later I was feeling fine, and I got in bed around 1:00 am. Well 2:00 am rolls around and I wake up. I thought my gums were swollen because I couldn't feel one of the holes in my mouth where the too...

Being an adult is not always the best job. Sometimes we are called on and forced to step up to the plate. There are moments when we must see the world in the cruelest of light. One of these harsh moments took place for me Friday afternoon. Friday began well. I was invited to go on a field trip to Memphis with O'Bannon High School, the school that I did my student teaching at this past fall. I was excited to be among the 100+ students to visit the Civil Rights Museum, do some shopping, and see the Memphis Grizzles play the Denver Nuggets in basketball. The Civil Rights Museum was so moving. Being the history buff that I am, I was awe-struck to stand in the place where Martin Luther King was assassinated. I stood in wonder as I looked out the window where Ray sat as he pulled the trigger that killed one of the greatest men ever. Then the day began to shift. I had no idea that soon I would see just how it felt to be treated differently because of the color of your skin. Now, I live in...