Originally Unoriginal

...Can things just get any better?? Seriously, if it's not one thing, it is 10 others. I really, really need a long vacation. Spring break can not come quick enough. Problem is I can't get far away enough. I'm seriously thinking about just moving away and starting all over. It would make things so much easier. I could just live a life uninvolved with the drama that seems to plague my life. BUH !

Have you ever been at a point where you don't even know what to pray. It's kinda like this... God, I'm not sure what I'm suppose to be praying? I don't want to beg, but I want it. But I also want Your will. What I really want, is for what I want to be Your will. And I'd like it to work out sooner than later. But, I'm not stupid enough to think that my ideas would be better than Your ideas. So go ahead and do what You want because that will be better. After a little while, I just sat and cried because I didn't know what else to say. So today I tried again, and I think it came out a little better. I prayed for miracles. Not earth shattering, raising the dead miracles, just small miracles...but miracles nonetheless. I need a few miracles right now. I need to be reminded that I'm not forgotten. I need to know there a few things saved up there for me.

I went to a concert Saturday night. After the concert, this old (60+ year old) guy who seemed a bit drunk came up to me and asked if I had gone to the show and was trying to make conversation. A friend who was a bit inbriated herself tried to help the situation, but really made it worse. It was funny though because, of everyone there, this old guy had to come hit on me. Then I was introduced to a friend's son. I had heard from other mutual friends that they thought the guy was gay. Well after meeting me, he told his mom he was interested in taking me out. When I was told this, I asked, "I thought he was gay!?" Another friend replied, "You're a Christian. I think God would want you to STRAIGHTen him out." Why me Lord??

I bought a "Grow Your Own Valentine" from Wal-Mart. You stick him in water and he's suppose to grow 4 times bigger! Well, I did that. The package didn't say how long to keep him in there. But after a few minutes, he hadn't grown. Just like a man to lie about his size! I can't even get a fake man to do me right! But after talking to a student, she suggested I leave him in water for 24 hours. And finally he GREW! I guess guys are just a bit slow. So after a little waiting, I got my Valentine! He was just a few days late! :)

God I'm sorry for ever doubting you. I totally see what you were keeping me from. I am so glad that didn't work out with him. Yeah, yeah...I know....You're always right. Also, I set myself up for this new development, didn't I. I was just trying to be friendly and nice, and I was feeling a bit vulnerable when I said yes. I mean, he's a nice guy. But I don't want him to want to kiss me. I don't want someone to like me if I don't reciprocate that. I know the feeling, and it's not one I'm fond of. I should definitely follow the golden rule and do unto others as you would have them do unto you, right? Ok, got it! And really, God, haven't you and Gabriel had enough laughs on account of my love life? Isn't it getting old? Yes, sir, I realize that time is irrelevant to you. Yes sir, I realize that nothing grows old in heaven. Ok then, laugh all you wish.... Seriously, I realize that ole boy needs my encouragement, but couldn't I swing him ov...

There is chance I may be making a mistake. There is a chance I may regret things tomorrow night. But there is chance I may be making the right decision. There is a chance everything may be completely fine tomorrow. There is a chance it could all go terribly wrong, but there is chance it may work out just fine. But tonight...I'm not worrying. I'm ready to take a chance!

Today was an absolutely gorgeous day. It was one of those days that you wished everday was like. The sun was shining, the temperature was just right. No bugs were biting. The problem is, if everyday was that great, would you enjoy it as much. Maybe the enjoyment doesn't lie fully in the good temperature, but in the fact that it was better than the rainy, cold days before. If we didn't have the bad days, would the good days be as good? Probably not. As in life, I supppose, everyday can't be good. Sometimes, we have to have some bad days so that we can appreciate the good days. I'm ready for the rain to stop. I'm ready for the sun to shine. I'm ready to enjoy my good day!

This is not a pity-party. This is simple a statement of where I am and why I feel the way I feel. I am not depressed, but I am not really satisfied, and that's perfectly ok. I'm a 24 year old single female. I still live at home with my parents. I don't have a husband or kids. I don't have a boyfriend. I have myself. I have my car. I have my iPhone. I realize that paying rent for an apartment would be ridiculous considering that I don't spend that much time at home. Yet sometimes I just wish I had my own place. I love my job, but sometimes I wonder if it's really what I want to do for the rest of my life. I don't want to be the 40 year old teacher that's still single and still in the same place because she was too afraid to strike out on her own. I am great friends with one of the best guys around. But for whatever reasons, we aren't anything more than friends. That really bothers me at times, and then at other times I don't feel like...

This may be old news to some of you, but I'm finally beginning to grasp this concept. God loves me. And there is nothing that I can do to stop that love. He just loves me. I can't earn it or negate it. It's there. All I have to do is accept it. I don't have to do certain things to make him love me. He really just loves me. What's even better is that I can reciprocate that love, not only to Him, but to everyone else. Because God loves, I too can love.

There is so much going on in my life right now, that I haven't been able to blog about it. I always rant and rave on here, and it helps me release all my emotions. Yet, for some reason all of this is just so overwhelming, I didn't even know where to begin. So I'll just start.... There are some certain people in my life that are forcing me to look at some issues. You've already read about the coach that in a round about way got to me admit my fear of rejection. Then there was this whole other conversation with someone else that just met me, that threw me for a loop. How could you tell so much about me in the matter of a week? How do you see the things that I thought I kept hidden so well? But now I'm left to deal with these flaws by myself. Like I said, admitting that they are there is the easy part. But how do I change what I've been for 24 years?? Then there is this new sense of freedom that I have spiritually. I am learning so many new things about G...

I'm sitting at the lunch table today, having the same conversation that I seem to have everyday with one of the coaches, when it came out.... "I'm deathly afraid of Rejection, ok?" I gasped! Did I just admit that? Outloud?? The coach began to clap. Thank you, I've been trying to get you to admit that since day 1! Then it just all came spilling out. I am. I fear rejection with every ounce of my being. That is why I don't like to do things that I know I won't be good at. That's why I'm afraid of making the first step. That's why I hide my true feelings sometimes. That's why I can't make small talk with new people. I try to avoid rejection at all costs! Now....admitting is one thing. But being able to get over it, well....that's a whole new ballgame.

My retainer got thrown away by accident Sunday night. I try not to think about the fact that it was in the trash can and now is in my mouth. I forgot to set my alarm this morning. I should have woken up at 6:30, instead I woke up at 7:05. Thank God I still live at home, and mom could help. Otherwise I don't think i would have made it on time. I was walking out the door around 7:23! Today, we were watching Channel 1 (a short news video feed that comes into our classrooms), and one student asked. "Ms. Rigney , does someone actually count all those votes for President?" "Yes. Most of them are done electronically, but yes, some of them are counted by people." I replied. " Hmm ...that would take a while. Wouldn't it be easier to say 'Make some noise for this candidate.'"

I know you are sovereign . I know that you have a plan for me. I know that you know what I need better than I know myself. But right now, I don't care. Right now, I'm angry. I'm hurt. I'm confused. I want an answer. I want clarity. I know I'll understand it better one day. But I want that day to be now!

Every work of God begins with an altar. My pastor said that this morning in his message. Now I'm left wondering how many altars have I built in my life. How many of those altars were for God or for my own personal ageneda? I've been wondering why I'm not getting what I want in life. Perhaps it's because I'm not sacrificing my desires to God like I should? I do know that God is the only source of my life. He is the only one that can give me what I need. So why do I worry? Perhaps it's time for me to rebuild some altars. I need to go back and clear off the past landmarks as a reminder of God's provisions.

They let us out of school early today because it was sleeting a little bit. Then they canceled the basketball game for tonight. And that makes me a little sad. This is pathetic, but I actually like the basketball games on Friday night. That way I have something to do. Now it's Friday night, and I don't have anything to do. I guess it's times like this that remind me of how lame I am.

I celebrated the dream today by working out at the YMCA this morning, and by catching another movie with Mom. So I have been working out on a regular basis for the past 2 weeks! Ya know I joined several months back, but I never actually went more than 2-3 times. So I'm going and doing 3 miles on the elliptical machine. I'm really not doing anything other than that because I don't really know what I"m doing, and I don't want people watching me on those weight machines. I'm not really looking to lose weight anyway, just tighten my butt and thighs up a bit, and overall just feel good. My friend saw me working out today for the first time. He later texted me and said he almost didn't recognize me. I asked him was it the pants or the hat I was wearing. He thought it was a mixture of the two. He did reassure me that I looked absolutely normal though. I also bought the new iPhone on Friday! There are a few features that I'm not so psyched about, but overall I...

I just saw the movie 27 Dresses , and it was really, really great! I guess the reason why I liked it so much, is that I could relate to it. Without giving the movie away completely, it's about this girl who is always doing things for everyone, especially for friend's weddings. She has a big problem with boundaries and when to tell people NO. She goes through life trying to please other people, waiting for the day when it will be her turn. She thinks she knows what she wants, and she sits back waiting for the right moment when it will all fall into place. Eventually the pressure builds, and she finds out what she thought she wanted all this time, was the wrong thing. How many times in life have we done that...clinging to what we just knew was right, what we've always dreamed of, and then found out it wasn't so hot after all. And in the meantime, between waiting and actually receiving what we want, we have to fill our lives with other people, gadgets, jobs, or hobbies jus...

I'm feeling a bit blah tonight. I'm not sure where this blog is headed...so bare with me. I've never been the type of person to put time limits on my life, and I never really pictured myself anywhere specific by a certain age. However, lately, I feel like I should be somewhere else, doing something else. I'm 24...which is not old, but sometimes circumstances make me feel so much older. I guess I'm just ready for my life to head in a new direction. It seems that I've been at the same thing for a while now. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of being treated differently because I'm single. I'm tired of everyone assuming that I can do whatever for them whenever because I don't have a family. It's not that I want to get married right now, or that I think that will solve my problems. I'd just be mixing someone's problems up with mine. But I do want...that bubbly feeling. I want to hold someone's hand, look into their eyes and feel...

**This post is not written to offend anyone. It is strictly my thoughts on a very sensitive subject in Pentecostal/Apostolic/Holiness Movements today. You may or may not know anything pertaining to "Dress Standards" in these churches, but if not, maybe it will help you understand why things are the way they are.** I have been raised to uphold certain standards in my dress and appearance. Women are to have long hair and to only wear skirts, not rising above the knee. We are not to wear make-up or jewelry, except for a wedding ring. All of this is to be done in order to be an example to the world and be pleasing in the sight of God. I have upheld these rules, for the most part, for the past 24 years of my life. I have questioned them often. I even did a study with my college and career group a few years back. The principles behind them made since, to a degree, and there were a few scriptures to back them up, so I accepted the status-quo. As certain events began to arise in my l...

First I have to say that the Cowboys choked and lost the playoff game again! I'll be cheering for the Packers next week, which is ok. Brett is a Mississippi Boy! I prayed and asked God to let them win. But I had a bad attitude this weekend, and despite my not-so-sincere apology, I think God was making me suffer. I do apologize to all the fans out there. But hey, we can always blame Jessica Simpson! In all seriousness though, I've been a bit haughty and high minded. I know I am on a regular basis, but most of the time I'm just joking. This time, well, maybe I overstepped my boundaries. I guess the reason why I'm sharing this is because a good friend told me that he basically didn't believe I struggled with sin. And honestly I don't struggle with the "big sins" as far as humans categorize sin. I don't ever have the urge to drink, smoke, or dip. I don't struggle with fornication because I don't usually get that close to guys. However I do stru...