Originally Unoriginal

I just need someone to tell me what to do. I need them to make the decision for me that I can't seem to make on my own. Every time I think I have made up my mind, I become doubtful yet again. I just need to sit down and have a good cry, and I'm sure by the time I post this blog, I will have had it. I'm just stressed. Completely, utterly, worn slap out. I teach plus grad school plus extra-curricular activities with school plus training for the class I am currently teaching. Through school, sleep, and Jesus in there and there isn't a free minute. And the world keeps spinning, and people don't stop having their lives because my life is busy. And I feel left out. Lately, I haven't been able to connect with anyone or anything. I feel so useless and worthless. I feel unlovable, as if no one will ever really be able to accept the real me. And whether these things are true or not...it's how I feel right now and it's all a bit overwhelming.

I just received extremely sad new; a former student of mine was killed instantly in a car crash earlier today. She was on my yearbook staff a couple of years ago and was one of the students that I was closest too, even after graduation. She texted me and kept in touch via Facebook . I saw her with her boyfriend at a softball game last week. She let me borrow her pony tail holder. I meant to get it back to her soon. This is the 3rd student/former student that has passed away since school started in August. It's hard for me as a teacher to see life end so tragically, so abruptly. They aren't suppose to die. They are teenagers. But here I am, creating memorials for these students to put in the upcoming yearbook. Here we are comforting students who have lost their brother, sister, and friends.