Originally Unoriginal

I'm so angry that I can't even clearly communicate or think or do anything. I know that if I say things right now, I'll probably regret them. Yet at the same time, I feel like if I don't say something I'll explode. I mean, where did that come from? Why did you say that? That's not right. It can't be right. If it is right, then I quit. I mean, crap, what do you want from me? This makes no sense. Where am I ? The same place you left me. Where in the world are you ! If you don't know, then how should I? I'm all by myself here, and silly me for thinking you were the only one that cared enough to stick around. If anyone is suppose to know how I feel it should be you. And then you throw this in my face as if I haven't been trying. I've been trying. I spend everyday trying. My whole freaking life has been nothing but trying. Why am I not good enough? Why can't I do anything remotely close to pleasing you? Seriously, is this wha

So apparently, a guy that I've met once is a bit miffed at me and my friend. Here's the story.... Over a month ago, I met a friend's son while we were all out one night. We were introduced, I shook his hand and said "nice to meet you", and that was it! Well he asked some of my friends about me, but it was nothing I was interested in. I have not seen the guy since then. Tonight he has tickets to a concert. He can't go because he's working at the concert, but he gives them to my friend and says, invite Kim to go and tell her I said hello. Well, we already had tickets, but it was a nice gesture. So my friends and I show up to the concert. The guy is there working, but I don't really know him so I don't go talk to him. He assumes I'm there with one of my guy friends. He texts my friend he gave the tickets to and says "I see she's with someone else. Tell her I said hello since I'm sure I won't be able to talk to her. Thanks." M

I'm house sitting (we'll call it that) for friends this week. I really enjoy being alone. Now I have to contemplate if I like it more than shopping on a regular basis.... Easter was amazing! I've made a few contacts with some people from church, and they were really touched. God is doing really great things at Grace Fellowship and in my town. More info on that later. Guys are dumb, but so am I. I realize I'm a big scaredy cat that has a gigantic fear of rejection that paralyzes me. I've come to grips with that. Why can't everyone else? Also, I possibly have a huge sense of pride standing in my way. And yes, I realize that pride goes before the fall and all that other scriptural stuff that will end up biting me on the tail. :) But if it was meant to be, wouldn't it just work out? Again, all I can say is... BUH !

I'm going to do what you want me to do, and I'm not gonna argue, but I would just like to state my feelings..... Do I have to do this again? Really? Do I really have to go down this road with him being him. I thought we had moved past this. I thought we had moved on, perhaps not to anything in particular, but we had still moved on. I mean, I adore him. I adore the conversation. I adore the laughter and the banter. But all the adoration leaves me wanting more, and he's just not ready to give more. Is he? You tell me....You created him. You seem to be bringing me back to this place every time. And I realize you have a plan, and I'm with you on it, but could you throw me a tiny bone here? OK, I'm finished questioning....for tonight! :)

I adore them! There is nothing like a great sunny, warm Saturday afternoon to take all your cares away. You know what else is great? Random people commenting on your tan! Today, I walked into the Coffee Shop, and my favorite Barista said, "You look like you've been in some sun." And this time it wasn't b/c my face was blood read from sunburn! You know that made me feel GREAT! I was also told today that I looked really cute! And considering the source, I took it as a big compliment. Even if it is superficial and fleeting, Sunny Saturdays and the encouragement they bring is so satisfying!

I got a letter from the IRS the other day. According to them, I owe FICA and Medicare taxes on $83,000. I would gladly pay you those taxes if I had ever made $83,000. Seriously, in the 2.5 years I've been working, I haven't made $83,000 collectively let alone last year. Where do you think a 24 year old school teacher is getting $83,000?? Excuse me, but if you are working for the IRS, you shouldn't be making mistakes....$80,000 mistakes! When I wanted to move out, the Federal Prison for tax evasion was not my first option!

There are a some days that I'm not happy being me. There are days where I'm happy being me, but I'd like to be a better version of me. Then there are those great days where I feel great just being me. Today is that day! I'm feeling good. I've been improving on me a bit. I'm working on my tan and I've been visiting the Y for a workout regularly! I'm changing my look a bit. I'm liking my outward appearance . Several people mentioned to me that I was looking darker! It felt good!! I'm also working on the inside part of me too. I've come to grips with my isolation problem. I know that I push people away and that I have a tendency to hide from love. I'm slowly changing that. I think I'm getting much better at putting things in God's hands and embracing my weaknesses. It's a daily battle, but it's do-able. So today...I'm just happy being Kimberly!

Over Spring Break, I read the book Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell . Although I know some of my readers despise the book, I really, really enjoyed it. His whole premise for the book is to show us that Christianity is a living breathing organism, growing everyday. We have to take everything in life and be able to strech and move and bend. No, that doesn't mean compromise. Obviously there are things going on now that wasn't included in the Bible. We have to able to take the word of God and apply it to our lives in today's society. We have to find an interpretation that after prayer and consideration feels right for us. I've been finding lately some ideas I always believed were solid, are not so solid anymore. As Bell explains, My religion was a brick wall. Everything fit neatly together and it wouldn't bend or adjust for anyone or anything. As a result of life and situations, bricks were broken and pushed out of the wall, and my wall got really shakey and was almost

I went away for a few days with my parents. We stayed in a house on the White River in Northern Arkansas and went shopping in Branson , MO and such. We left Wednesday and got back this afternoon. We didn't do anything too exhausting. We shopped a LOT. I didn't think I had bought that much, but when we started bringing in all the packages....well I think my credit card groaned! :) It was actually a relaxing trip, although I missed my bed! Lots of interesting things transpired or are transpiring so hopefully I'll get to fill you in on some things pretty soon. Plus, I got a great book review coming this week! But for now, I'm going to bed!

I can't fight this feeling anymore. I've forgotten what I started fighting for.... I just don't see the use in fighting anymore. Why should I even be fighting about this. This is definitely not suppose to be an issue. This should be over. It really never should have begun. Confused yet? So am I! There is a situation that is annoying the crap out of me. So I'm praying diligently that God will get me out of it! I just don't know if the situation can ever be rectified, and fighting isn't helping.

I want to let you know how much I appreciate you. You have been some of the greatest parents, and I know that sometimes my actions and words don't show it. You have always provided for me and gone out of your way to make sure that I had what I needed and even a lot of things I just wanted. I am so glad for the way you raised me. I'm glad that you brought me up in moderation. You had strict guidelines, but were always aware of when things needed to be a bit more lenient . Because of that, you have kept me from a lot of potentially bad situations. You pushed me to succeed , and did what you had to in order for me to have the best education possible. Now, as a teacher, I'm so glad that I had those opportunities because I realize how important they are. I'm glad for my Christian upbringing and teaching me that God should be the most important aspect of my life. I hope that you realize that God is everything to me. You've always given me your honest opinion and a

Cuz I am. The past week has been a good week. I was frustrated with some situations, and rightfully so. It's ok to be angry and sin not. It's ok to complain, whine, cry, or scream. As long as you don't stay that way permanently. Trust me, it was all temporary. And now, I'm back to my good mood. So one reason why things are better? Well, I ran into an old high school classmate. We weren't friends in school, as he graduated a year ahead of me, but it was a relatively small school, so we did know each other. Anyway, we've seemed to run into each other a few times, and so we exchanged numbers and hopefully will be hanging out soon. Now, I am definitely not making any assumptions about the "hanging out". I am just happy that a normal guy, my age, with no huge visible issues is actually even noticing me. (Did I mention he's very attractive?) I was beginning to think with all the old, bi-sexual, plumbers I keep running into that I was perm

...here it is a few hours later. I know for you northerners, this is nothing big. But this is HUGE down here in Mississippi!

The last time it snowed where you could actually see it, was when I was a Junior in High School (8 years ago!). Anyway, I like the snow, but I wish it would have come at a different time. It's Spring Break...I want SUN!

I took it as a sign from God to watch the movie Tombstone today . Sunday afternoon I had a conversation with a good friend about how this was the best movie ever. Then another friend, who I knew was a huge fan of the movie, decided to start randomly quoting lines from the movie today. Well I watched the movie tonight, and I must say it was REALLY good. If you haven't seen it, you definitely should. It's an all-star cast with great one-liners. I'll be quoting lines for the next few days.

I am no different than I have been. I have not stepped down some evil path heading for damnation. I have not made any bad decisions. I haven't made any decisions because there are no decisions to make at the moment! Just because I'm in a bad mood or a bit negative at the present time is no reflection of my character. I will get through this. This too shall pass. I'm 24, female, and single. That in and of itself should be enough information to let you know that I will have down days, weeks, seasons. It's LIFE people. This in no way means that I've turned my back on God or am not as close to Him as I once was. This does not mean that I don't believe God has a plan or that I am questioning His plan. I know as well as any good Christian that God has something special for me. And I realize that His ways are so much better than any idea I may ever have. However, His plan can hurt sometimes. His plan can be complicated and confusing and just plain hard to d

...for not posting as often as usual. I've been in a pretty foul mood lately, and I don't want to fill the blogosphere with negativity. I'm normally a happy person, and even when I'm in a bad mood, like the present, I can still laugh and have a good time. Unfortunately, when I sit down to write, I don't have anything good to say. ............................