Originally Unoriginal

I really have been trying hard! Honestly! I've actually been wanting it to work. But the skepticism inside of me just keeps rearing its ugly, little head. I think he's been a bit shady lately. And I know that I can be totally taking this way overboard, but it's just not all adding up. Seeing as that my track record hasn't been the greatest when it comes to guys, I have to be extra careful. I don't want to get to attached and then it all come crumbling down, like normal. And I know some precious person out there in the blogosphere is saying, "You shouldn't be so negative, etc." But, yes I should! When every guy I've ever liked has been shady or non- committal or just a plain jerk, well, being too cautious is probably my best bet! So maybe, I won't have to find anything wrong with him. Perhaps I won't have to decide if I really like him. Maybe he'll decide he doesn't like me first....maybe he already has?

One of my good friends passed away Wednesday night. He was 27 years old. He had a 3 year old son. I was making plans to go visit him and his wife next month in Texas. Now he's gone...just like that. It makes me think about the importance of life, and how at any moment, those we love can be taken away from us without any warning. It makes you remember that life is more than work, school, and responsibilities. It's about making memories and spending time with those we love. Unfortunately , we don't always remember to do that until it's too late. I'm gonna miss the fact he isn't there to offer encouragment or ask me about my latest hairstyle. But I know he's with the Father...and there is no better place to be!

I don't like him today. Today I wanted to pick a fight. He gave me a couple of chances. I know he didn't mean to, he had no idea he was doing it, but I wanted to argue and tell him how dumb he was. I wanted to tell him that he doesn't know me at all so quit pretending that he does and quit assuming things about me. But it was all via text and he's out of town and well it's just not worth it. I'm wishing guys would drop off the face of the planet right about now!

He's growing on me. That's all I can really say about any developments with Good, Ole Boy. He is a fabulously great guy with his only flaws as of now being his " countryness " and that he works a lot. But then again, I suppose the fact that he's work driven is not necessarily a bad thing. I have had a couple of very good conversations with him that greatly impacted my impression of him for the better. But let's not go around slinging titles around; there is no commitment yet! In other news, I am going camping again next weekend. This will be our 2 nd annual summer camping trip with my good buddies from church. We are all super pumped about our adventure. We had such a blast last time, creating memories tha t, thanks to our fearless Camping Guide, are written down in not only pen and paper, but typed via Myspace and Facebook ! So even if we wanted to forget, we can't. And now millions of others are able to read it and laugh at us as well!! Besi

...often go awry! Now, spiritually I would say to that...."Yes, our plans often go awry, but God's plan is always perfect." And I know in my heart that is completely, correct. However my flesh says, "sometimes my plan seems really good, and it would be great if God would go with it. Or at least give a girl a head's up!" Here's the deal. MY plans were to apply for this teacher fellowship that would pay for my grad school tuition. I would take a class each semester and then load up in the summer. I would be done in 3 years and also be done with the sign-on commitment to teach in MS for 3 years. I would be free to do and go wherever with my educational counseling masters after that! Of course everyone assured me I would be a shoe-in! Well it seems that the deadline is here to announce the fellows for the upcoming school year, and I haven't heard jack. Now, this could possibly be that my nice state congressmen have yet to approve the budget fo

That's the question I've been asking myself the past 2 days. My conclusion...pretty jacked up! So last week I met a guy at my cousin's wedding. I know his family, was introduced to him, and had a great time chatting it up and dancing the night away. We're talking about a good looking guy that's really got his act together. He owns his own business plus has another job, building his own house, never been married, no kids. A stand up guy here. He doesn't drink, goes to church every Sunday, and educated. He sounds like everything I've been looking for. Did I mention that he lives here so it wouldn't be a long distance thing? I could go on and on...opens the door for me, orders for me, gets me a drink just because I look thirsty, throws away my trash. So my question is, why in the world am I looking for something to be wrong ?? I am nit-picking everything to death. Most of the things that I am not a fan of are such small things like...he's got

I must say I just had the most relaxing 4 days of my life. Mom and I left Monday morning to spend a few days at a friend's beach house. Tuesday morning, I woke up, shaved, brushed my teeth, put on my swimming suit, grabbed a towel, bottled water, sunscreen and a book and headed outside to the beach. I literally laid in the sun from 8 am - 4 pm. I read, I prayed, I mediated, I watched other people. I cleared my mind completely. It was a total brain detox. I didn't worry about anyone or anything from home. I didn't have to deal with any leftover drama. I didn't worry about any guys texting or calling. It may have been the only time in my life I was completely mellowed out. Counting mom and I, there were 6 ladies in the house. None of us had a schedule. We all laid around. We all agreed on places to eat, places to shop, and for the rest of the time we read, laughed, sang Motown hits, and danced in the kitchen. This mini-vacation was just what I needed!

So the beginning of last week was pretty rough. I had a whole melt down concerning Mr. Amazing. Out of the blue, early one morning, when I should have been sleeping, I got this sick, nervous feeling about him. I began praying about the situation and just felt an overwhelming feeling to forget all about him and leave the whole situation alone. Well of course that frustrated me because that wasn't what I wanted to do. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too. I wanted God's will to be my will, and in this case, that wasn't happening. But by the end of the week, I felt confident that I could do it. I've made no contact, and when he did finally text me, I was nice but short. As my friend said, "must be pretty difficult breaking up with someone you aren't dating?" And I think he's right. It would be a little weird for me to text and say out of the blue, "I don't want to be your friend with benefits anymore." But I'm thinking he&#