I'm Sorry??

So I did something I shouldn't have done the other day. While I was doing it, I thought to myself, "I shouldn't do this." But by that time, I was already in the process, and I just kept on going. I should have stopped, but I didn't.

I realize that I messed up. I even asked for forgiveness. But I have a problem. Most of the time when I mess up, make a bad decision, etc., I have a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, a feeling of shame, guilt, conviction. I usually fall on my face and cry and snot to God pleading for His forgiveness. My mind usually dwells on it for days until I'm able to forget it. This time I didn't feel anything. I knew that I did something wrong, but moments later, I totally forgot about it. When I prayed and asked God to forgive me, I didn't cry. I didn't feel terrible. I just said, "God, I messed up, and I'm sorry." There was no great remorse or conviction. It was all so matter of fact. I messed up, I'm sorry, and I'll try harder not to do it again. The End.

Now I'm wondering if subconsciously, I'm not really sorry because I'm not reacting as I normally would. Or is it the fact that I'm comfortable enough to know that God is just to forgive me and that I don't have to beat myself up everytime I do something wrong. Or is the fact that I'm going down this "dark road" and God and I don't have the same relationship that we once did as a result?

I don't know what makes me the bad person: Doing what I did, or not feeling as sorry as I should for doing what I did??

Comments

Anonymous said…
Be careful. That is how it started with me. Things that used to matter no longer bothered me anymore. You don't want to end up like me . . . do you? RP
9:49 AM
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