Wrong Again....

It's not like I thought he was Superman or that I was holding out for him to be the love of my life. Yet, I did think he was different. I held him in a bit higher regard than other normal men. I honestly thought he had morals and standards. I had hope that maybe, just maybe there was a few good men left in this world. But then again, it's not the first time I've been wrong.

I thought he was more spiritual than most. I knew he didn't drink, didn't cuss, and seemed to have his head on straight. (Please don't take this judgementally, but for a "non-Pentecostal guy" and trust me I realize pentecostals are just as bad as everyone else.) For some reason I was naive to think he knew how to treat women. Then when I heard what he thought about that girl and how he treated her in public verses private, well it all went out the window.

It's not that I judge him. I'm not saying, What a horrible Christian. I just feel let down. I had put faith in him, and it turns out that he isn't really all that different from normal guys. Or maybe, I'm just too different from normal people with my standards too high.

Sometimes I think, am I the only sane one left? Didn't God say to refrain from certain things. Does anyone feel guilty about sinning anymore? Was there a memo sent out about things changing that I missed? I just expect better from Christians.

**Sigh** In the past few months, I've had several people get mad at me for saying that I wasn't comfortable "hooking up" with them. I know that it's popular to kiss people for fun, but that's never been my thing. I'm tired of apologizing for people getting mad at me for having self-respect and morals. When did being friends require so much more than just a friendship?

I'm praying for a man who wants to be my friend because he likes my personality. I want a man who is sexually attracted to me, yet man enough to never even force himself on me until our wedding day. I want a man who understands the word no and respects my boundaries. Most of the time I think he doesn't exist. I'm waiting for God to tell me..."Wrong Again!"

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Hurt and The Healer...Collide!

So the other day I simply prayed "God, if you aren't going to restore this relationship, help me move on.  I'm ready to be through with this."  A few hours later I had an email from him saying "I'm moving on.  If you want to discuss this, we can, but after that I can't speak to you anymore.  I need to make some decisions with a clear conscious."  And that was it.  Couldn't get more final than that!  Maybe if the email had come a few days or a week later.  But no, there was no mistaking this answer from God.  "You asked for it...poof!"  And there it was...the answer to what I had been praying for since September.  I'm not sure what made me pray that prayer that way on that day.  I'm not sure what made God answer the prayer with an email that quickly.  But whatever the reason, there was no denying that it was God. And of course, it wasn't the answer I wanted.  It was infuriating.  Why now God?  Why answer this prayer now? 
Read more

The Next Chapter

My pastor decided to resign this morning. Instead of forcing anyone to vote yes or no against the ministry, he resigned. Those of us in support of his ministry left the Greenville United Pentecostal Church and are starting a new work, Grace Apostolic Fellowship. Our first service this morning was held at a local funeral home. After all the jokes about raising the dead, etc, we ended up having a great service with 97 people in attendance. We are believing God for a permanent home in the next 30 days. I am sad to leave UPC. That church was a haven to me during a hard time in my life. I wouldn't be the person I am today without many of the people there. Numerous people invested in me, and I am grateful. I will never forget the love, friendships, and lessons I learned while a member there. I will not belittle my past with bitterness and act as if it means nothing to me. There will always be fond memories. My leadership began at that church, and I do not take it for granted. There are
Read more

No Greater Love

There is a biological clock that ticks.  Sometimes it's so faint, I don't even hear it.  Other times, its tick-tock is more like a sonic boom in my ears, reminding me that my "best years" are quickly slipping by. There have been times where I thought the clock's ticking was meaningless because my life was headed in the right direction.  The good guy in my life would lead to a proposal, house, family...to taking my rightful place in society.  Or, I was applying for jobs in big cities where I could live the single life seen in the movies...just fun and friends! With the guys never seeming to pan out, I figured it was time to spread my wings and fly.  To become Miss Independent, far away from the small country life I have lived for so long.  And many, many people encouraged it.  There is no future here in Greenville, no real single friends my age, no possibilities for someone like me.  Then there were those that questioned, what are you going to do about "so
Read more