Saddness

I know God has a plan, but it doesn't mean that people won't get hurt in the process.

Tonight was not good at church. The crap hit the fan in the middle of the service. Several people got up and walked out as a result. I really wanted to join them, but running away is not an option for me. I am watching families torn apart. I am seeing friends doubt one another and relationships waiver. I am trying to keep a right spirit, but it's hard.

If my pastor was wrong, (not that I think he is), how do I continue with those that are against him? They have handled this situation in a poor manner. People have spread rumors about me and any of you can take a look at some of the comments left on my blog lately. Why do I want to turn to people that are against me? But they say they love me? I can't comprehend that kind of love. Yes, I wish them the best, and I pray no harm comes their way. I've left a church before and am still able to speak to those people in public, so I'll have no problem doing the same.

What hurts the most is that my father, who doesn't even belong to my church, has been told more than I have. He's been given details that many have not been privy to. It's a stab in the back, and it hurts.

When I was 18, I left the church I was raised in because of the turmoil inside. I felt like I was not getting spiritually fed, and I hated to hear the things that were said behind my back along with other members of my family. I love my father; he is a good man, but sometimes he's too good. Instead of looking at the fact that his son was not in church and his wife and daughter were wavering, he thought about his loyalty to the people in his church. When he wouldn't help me, I had to help myself. My mother soon followed, although it still hurts her to be separated from her husband.

Have we not suffered enough? Has our family not been divided long enough. Now people wish to share the ugly details with him? I fear for his salvation, and I fear for those who fill him with information he shouldn't know. It's not all his fault. He doesn't know better. He wasn't raised in church, and the only church he has gone to never showed him how to step up and be the spiritual leader he needs to be.

And for all of that, my heart is sad....

Comments

Anonymous said…
OUCH! I'm gald she was easy on me.The fact is that no matter what I would say or write it will not change the present condition.I would love to be able to say I have all the right answers and am never wrong and even maded all the right choices,but I haven't.The most important thing in my life (next to God) is my family ,however I know they don't always believe that.Actions speak louder then words and at times I"m sure my actions don't speak very loud to them. My bad.I am who I am and that probably want change much. However I am sad;sad that things didn't go better at my church years ago,but I've seen my wife and daugther grow stronger for God because of it.Trials make you either better or bitter, they have became better for God.Maybe a better word would be passionate.Some would use opinionated and hardheaded.But aren't we suppoed to be opinionated about our God.So hardheaded that we are like a rock that will not move.I think passionate incorporates them.Sure I'm loyal,maybe too loyal, but loyalty will not supersede my commitment to God.Every morning that I get up I have to live with myself and the decisions I make, and I do pray that thay are right. I miss not attending church with my family but I know that God has a plan, though I don't see it all yet.When Joseph was sold by his brothers he saw no godly plan in the making.This could not be God.How could God even have a hand in this? Yet this was all God's plan.Joseph didn't see it but it existed.He has a plan for my family ,my church and the UPC church,if we don't falter.We must stay strong to our faith in Jesus and hold onto his word,He will never leave us nor forsake us.It will work out,will you hold on onto till it does? I think so! Luv u!
Anonymous said…
Very good comment Bro. R! Funny thing is that a lot of the lighthouse people brought revival to our church because they needed something different and when they showed up they brought a passon with them. You are right. There is a plan. I refuse to believe that God has brought us this far in revival in the last year just to let it all be destroyed. God knows things that we don't and he will work in spit of our mistakes.

Randall

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