Mustering Up a Fight

One day I'm going to log into blogger and write this great post on how everything is going my way and how I've found the love of my life. One day, things are going to work in my favor and there will be no drama or trauma. Unfortunately, today isn't that day.

One of my old students accidentally shot and killed his best friend, another former student of mine. They were going into the 10th grade. I can't even fathom what that poor boy and the family of the deceased child is going through. I can't imagine how terrified and sad and angry and confused they must be. And all I can muster is, thank God I'm not having to deal with that kind of sadness.

Good, ole boy is totally out of the picture. Why is not an issue I'm going to discuss here in the blogosphere, but it didn't work out. I know that I was extremely confused about how he made me feel, but part of that was fear to get too attached because I was afraid, just like every other guy, he would walk away. I'm not heartbroken over the situation. Obviously I never allowed myself to get too attached, and it didn't really last that long. I am frustrated because I'm tired of getting caught up with the wrong one. I'm tired of being disappointed and again fearing I'll be alone forever. And all I can muster is, thank God I found out before I fell in love, and thank God I'm not in a bad relationship and miserable.

My family got bad news at the doctor's office this week. It's not terminal, completely curable. We aren't 100% sure of treatment until the next doctor appointment, but there's a possibility that treatment could suck. It's scary and frustrating and confusing. And all I can muster up is, thank God we are all still alive.

Sometimes faith and hope are hard to come by. Sometimes it looks really ugly and deformed, but sometimes that's all we have to offer. Sometimes the only thing holding us up is threatening to fall down with us in tow. But in those times you gotta decide whether to fight or lay down and die. Dying isn't an option for me, so fighting is the only choice....no matter how weak I may be or how ugly it may look.

Comments

chantell said…
Omg, Kim. In Jesus' name you will pull through this. He is our Healer. Praying for you.
12:39 AM
dad said…
It's always the darkest before the dawn. Just and old saying ,wish i had come up with it. That little statement Jesus Made " I'll never leave you nor forsake you". So true. God is there,let him figure it out. We are dancing with God,let him lead.Remember that speical line from The Waterboy "You Can Do It!". YOU CAN.
6:57 AM
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