I'm drowning....

I am in complete and utter confusion.  I am frustrated, tired, and stressed.  Every aspect of my life seems messed up, and I have question upon question with no answers.

And I am the first one to admit that things could be WAY worse.  However, my pain is still real, my predicaments are still confusing, and I still feel at a complete loss as to what direction to take.

And the biggest problem is that almost every situation is beyond my control.  I don't have a say in anything.  I can't make someone love me that doesn't.  I can't make sick people better.  I can't make test scores jump to miraculous heights.  I can't make things make sense.

And I'm angry.  I'm not cursing-God-angry; I'm confused-angry.  I'm I-can't-take-one-more-step-until-you-answer-me-angry. 

And so I wait, but I feel as though the longer I wait, the more complicated it gets.  I'm just ready for an answer, a sign, a confirmation that I'm still on the right track, that I'm not losing my mind. 

I know there's a plan....I just wonder how much pain is left in it.

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