Taking the Loss

 2 Corinthians 6:10 -- ...as having nothing yet possessing everything...

I've been suffering silently for the past few years.  I don't discuss it because I can't. I also don't discuss it because I don't know what good it would do.  And I don't discuss it because I don't want anyone's pity.

Some days are great; some days not so great.  But honestly, I feel like I've pressed along quit commendably. For the most part, I've remained positive and not let myself fall into bitterness.  But there are times where the frustration gets me.  There have been times when I wallowed in my self-pity.

A few years ago, I ran across a Facebook post -- Don't ask why is this happening to me, but what is this teaching me?  And after seeing last week it pop up in my memories, I simply asked God again, "what are you trying to teach me?"

Today, as I sat in church, my pastor spoke God's answer.  Although it was my Pastor's voice I audibly heard, I knew God was the one speaking directly to my heart.

Audibly -- "You are rich enough to take the loss."   

Inwardly -- "Do you want to know what I'm teaching you with infertility?  I'm teaching you that although you have lost, you are rich enough in me to survive it."

The loss of babies that I never got to hold were not losses that would bankrupt me...

I have an amazing step-daughter that has allowed me to be a mother to her.  I have dogs that love me as if I were the only human on earth.  I have numerous former students who continue to share their lives with me and give me hugs whenever I see them.  

Love may not come in the avenue you think it should, but love will find you...if you let it.  So through this time, I've been able to walk away from negativity on the job and in friend groups because I couldn't let the sad get to me.  And I've been able to wish congratulations to many as they have given birth to healthy babies.  And I've been able to worship God in my loneliness because I am rich in God's love.

On the days I have felt I had nothing, I have possessed everything I needed to survive.

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