Um, Next Door Please??
I just can't get around to blogging on a regular basis anymore. I'm so busy all the time now. I get stressed and frustrated, and one way I deal with that is blogging. However, because I'm so busy and don't have time to blog, I have to find other ways to vent. Oh, well!
Homecoming was this past weekend at school. I was on the homecoming committee so I had to get the field all ready for the half-time presentation. Then I stayed and chaperoned the dance! On top of all of that our church is having a Healing and Deliverance Crusade this weekend. The drama team had to perform Friday night, so even though I wasn't at church I had to get that all ready. Then tonight the Youth (or more like the Youth leaders) sold BBQ Chicken plates for a fundraiser. So as you can see, my blog has had to take a back seat to all the other things.
I don't mind being busy. I've always enjoyed getting things done and staying on top of the game. But lately, I've been so moody. One day, like earlier this week, I was on cloud nine. I was feeling great. Now at the end of the week, I'm ready to throw up my hands, throw in the towel, and say forget it. I'm tired of being stretched beyond measure and watching everyone else just float on by. One minute I'm happy, the next minute I'm aggravated. It's annoying living in my body, so I know other people must be feeling the same way.
I just keep waiting for something to happen so I feel complete. I thought having a "real job" would help me feel that way. It didn't. I thought for sure with all this new leadership at church I would feel complete. Both have only made me feel even more confused. I know that completeness only comes through God, but I just can't seem to get there. Even after the really good service I had Sunday, I still feel so disconnected. It's not the cold, dark road feeling anymore. It's definitely not that bad. I do feel needed and wanted. I just feel within myself that it's not all right yet. Somewhere there's just got to be more to life.
Now I'm sure that right about now some of you are thinking, "you just need a man." Well maybe that's true. Maybe I do need a man, but I don't have one. And contrary to popular belief there isn't one out there right now. My choices are 16 year old students or 2 - forty something year old men. No one else is showing any interest. The talks about Kountry Boy were me just analyzing myself not him. Meaning, he's not interested in me. And if by chance he is, he's going to have to do a lot more than he's doing to prove it. Which means, even if I did decide I could deal with all the negatives about him, I can't get pass the part that he's got to want it to.
I have an extremely hectic life. In order to have a relationship, I'm going to have to sacrifice a lot. And I'm willing to do that for someone who's willing to do that for me. I'm not driving my butt all over the country to spend time with a guy who wouldn't drive all over the country for me. It's not about me making all the sacrifices. I'm the one that's suppose to be chased, not the other way around. If you can't make an effort for me, then you aren't the one for me, sorry!
So there are not any commitment issues or defense mechanisms popping up. There is no one to commit to. Bottom line. So don't tell me what I need to feel fulfilled or experience life when it's not an option for me right now. And sitting around waiting for him to come along while I pine away is not an option either. There's got to be another door to choose from....
Homecoming was this past weekend at school. I was on the homecoming committee so I had to get the field all ready for the half-time presentation. Then I stayed and chaperoned the dance! On top of all of that our church is having a Healing and Deliverance Crusade this weekend. The drama team had to perform Friday night, so even though I wasn't at church I had to get that all ready. Then tonight the Youth (or more like the Youth leaders) sold BBQ Chicken plates for a fundraiser. So as you can see, my blog has had to take a back seat to all the other things.
I don't mind being busy. I've always enjoyed getting things done and staying on top of the game. But lately, I've been so moody. One day, like earlier this week, I was on cloud nine. I was feeling great. Now at the end of the week, I'm ready to throw up my hands, throw in the towel, and say forget it. I'm tired of being stretched beyond measure and watching everyone else just float on by. One minute I'm happy, the next minute I'm aggravated. It's annoying living in my body, so I know other people must be feeling the same way.
I just keep waiting for something to happen so I feel complete. I thought having a "real job" would help me feel that way. It didn't. I thought for sure with all this new leadership at church I would feel complete. Both have only made me feel even more confused. I know that completeness only comes through God, but I just can't seem to get there. Even after the really good service I had Sunday, I still feel so disconnected. It's not the cold, dark road feeling anymore. It's definitely not that bad. I do feel needed and wanted. I just feel within myself that it's not all right yet. Somewhere there's just got to be more to life.
Now I'm sure that right about now some of you are thinking, "you just need a man." Well maybe that's true. Maybe I do need a man, but I don't have one. And contrary to popular belief there isn't one out there right now. My choices are 16 year old students or 2 - forty something year old men. No one else is showing any interest. The talks about Kountry Boy were me just analyzing myself not him. Meaning, he's not interested in me. And if by chance he is, he's going to have to do a lot more than he's doing to prove it. Which means, even if I did decide I could deal with all the negatives about him, I can't get pass the part that he's got to want it to.
I have an extremely hectic life. In order to have a relationship, I'm going to have to sacrifice a lot. And I'm willing to do that for someone who's willing to do that for me. I'm not driving my butt all over the country to spend time with a guy who wouldn't drive all over the country for me. It's not about me making all the sacrifices. I'm the one that's suppose to be chased, not the other way around. If you can't make an effort for me, then you aren't the one for me, sorry!
So there are not any commitment issues or defense mechanisms popping up. There is no one to commit to. Bottom line. So don't tell me what I need to feel fulfilled or experience life when it's not an option for me right now. And sitting around waiting for him to come along while I pine away is not an option either. There's got to be another door to choose from....
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