Can I move past this already???

So I didn't meet the one. If I did, it was unannounced to me. I've never been sappy about it before, but the whole trip I kept thinking, Man I wish I had a boyfriend. Which then only made me feel worse for dwelling on something that I don't have much control over .

I hate not having control, and so adds to one of the many reasons I try not to dwell on the "guy situation." I don't believe the girl should be the one doing all the chasing, and so therefore, the guy in my life is going to have to approach me and do all the asking. Which leaves me with no control. Now, once we establish a relationship, I will definitely do my part and give my 50%, even more at times. However, I'm not going to be the one initiating the whole thing. Sorry, I just don't think God designed it that way.

But other than the lack of a man, the conference went well. The speakers were not "shout 'em up" preachers. They were more, sit back, listen to this, take it in, and go out and actually do something besides make a commitment you won't keep. They were speakers of action. They didn't allow the youth time to sob and cry in the alter. Instead of just a fruitless prayer time, they set aside time to meet with their fellow youth members and plan a course of action. If my youth group didn't get motivated, their youth leader did. I told them to hold me personally responsible for getting out of our 4 walls and reaching the "least of these."

Tonight a group from our church went to watch "Facing the Giants" (again for me). The baseball team from a local college was there....about 25 good looking guys. They were seated in front of me. One of those nice, well meaning members of my church even hollered out at one point, "Hey that girl down there, Kimberly, is single!" Embarrassed? Yes! So everyone is coupled off and here I sit by a friend and 25 good looking guys and I'm thinking, "Why am I still single?"

I'm not liking this stage of my life at all.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Why does it hurt you so much, just to be single??
2:18 AM
Kim said…
I don't know. It never has before. I mean there were moments where I didn't like being the third wheel, but overall I was ok with it. I'm still ok with it, but those bothersome moments are popping up more and more often. I'm trying to be more sensitive and open myself up to people, and now I'm all mushy. It's not me.
4:34 PM
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