The Confusion that is Me!
Is it a real revelation if a year or two later you're doubting it once again?? Is there something that I'm missing when it comes to living for God? These are some of the questions rolling through my mind lately. Care to catch a glimpse??
A little over a year ago I did a study on "standards" as most UPCI churches adhere to. I wasn't sure if all the no hair cutting, and long skirt wearing was necessary. After discussing it with a wise man, I came to find that I do agree with most of the things I do, yet I'm not going to pressure it or force it on to anyone else. Is it essential to salvation? I use to think not, but now I'm not so sure.
If it is indeed essential to salvation, at least for me, then I'm doing what is right and others will burn in hell. However, if it is not something that is essential to salvation, but something I do extra out of love and respect to God, then I'm making myself feel burdened down for nothing. If it's not necessary, then I can simple do it or not do it according to my feelings. There are some things I could do and some things I couldn't do according to how I personally felt. I could do this and not feel guilty? Right?
So what am I babbling about?? I've been thinking about my hair a lot. I really love it being long, but the ends of it are fried. I've been straightening my hair a lot recently because the perm that I got 2 years ago is fading fast, and it doesn't look so hot wearing it down. When I straighten it you can tell the ends of it are not in great shape. I have unchurched friends who keep begging me just to trim it so that it looks nice and healthy. Would God really require me to have tacky looking hair in the sight of others? My hair is to my butt. Even if I trimmed it, it would still be long, especially compared to others. Obviously I realize that the world's standards are not the same as God's standards. But is the basis of the scripture really pertaining to my hair or is it just a metaphor, an example, used to illustrate a point.
If we are saved by Grace and not works, then the length of my hair should be irrelevant. I know that there are people with short hair that are going to make it to heaven. There are plenty of people with short hair that probably have a much deeper relationship with God. I just feel that sometimes we are making this walk with God so much more difficult than it needs to be. It seems though we try not to be legalistic, we end up doing just that. I feel guilty if I miss a church service. However, I attend church 3 times a week. I life with God in my heart. Yet, if I want to take a Sunday off to watch the Super Bowl not only am I looked down by others, but I feel guilty for enjoying myself. Does God care if we miss church to do something we enjoy as long as we are still living a holy life? Is it really as hard as I make it out to be??
I guess it comes down to this. Why do I require so much more out of myself than others. Why do I feel like nothing I do is good enough. Why do I push myself harder and harder. I push people out of my life because I don't want to hurt them by my pushiness. Makes no sense sometimes.
A little over a year ago I did a study on "standards" as most UPCI churches adhere to. I wasn't sure if all the no hair cutting, and long skirt wearing was necessary. After discussing it with a wise man, I came to find that I do agree with most of the things I do, yet I'm not going to pressure it or force it on to anyone else. Is it essential to salvation? I use to think not, but now I'm not so sure.
If it is indeed essential to salvation, at least for me, then I'm doing what is right and others will burn in hell. However, if it is not something that is essential to salvation, but something I do extra out of love and respect to God, then I'm making myself feel burdened down for nothing. If it's not necessary, then I can simple do it or not do it according to my feelings. There are some things I could do and some things I couldn't do according to how I personally felt. I could do this and not feel guilty? Right?
So what am I babbling about?? I've been thinking about my hair a lot. I really love it being long, but the ends of it are fried. I've been straightening my hair a lot recently because the perm that I got 2 years ago is fading fast, and it doesn't look so hot wearing it down. When I straighten it you can tell the ends of it are not in great shape. I have unchurched friends who keep begging me just to trim it so that it looks nice and healthy. Would God really require me to have tacky looking hair in the sight of others? My hair is to my butt. Even if I trimmed it, it would still be long, especially compared to others. Obviously I realize that the world's standards are not the same as God's standards. But is the basis of the scripture really pertaining to my hair or is it just a metaphor, an example, used to illustrate a point.
If we are saved by Grace and not works, then the length of my hair should be irrelevant. I know that there are people with short hair that are going to make it to heaven. There are plenty of people with short hair that probably have a much deeper relationship with God. I just feel that sometimes we are making this walk with God so much more difficult than it needs to be. It seems though we try not to be legalistic, we end up doing just that. I feel guilty if I miss a church service. However, I attend church 3 times a week. I life with God in my heart. Yet, if I want to take a Sunday off to watch the Super Bowl not only am I looked down by others, but I feel guilty for enjoying myself. Does God care if we miss church to do something we enjoy as long as we are still living a holy life? Is it really as hard as I make it out to be??
I guess it comes down to this. Why do I require so much more out of myself than others. Why do I feel like nothing I do is good enough. Why do I push myself harder and harder. I push people out of my life because I don't want to hurt them by my pushiness. Makes no sense sometimes.
Comments
RP
Well, I know what you're going through. I went through a period of evaluating the beliefs I was always taught growing up, to find out find out if I was just doing something because someone told me to, or if they really had Biblical foundations.
My advice would be to evaluate the scripture really well, checking out all points of view. Don't worry too much about being led astray or deceived; I know from experience that the spirit within you will testify to what's true, as long as you love the truth. If you're interested, I recommend a very thorough, honest and realistic evaluation of 1 Corinthians 11 at www.thenarrowpath.com (Click on the Topical Articles link.) And then make a decision that doesn't violate your conscience.
And keep blogging! You are an excellent writer!