Here it is...

There is so much going on in my life right now, that I haven't been able to blog about it. I always rant and rave on here, and it helps me release all my emotions. Yet, for some reason all of this is just so overwhelming, I didn't even know where to begin. So I'll just start....

There are some certain people in my life that are forcing me to look at some issues. You've already read about the coach that in a round about way got to me admit my fear of rejection. Then there was this whole other conversation with someone else that just met me, that threw me for a loop. How could you tell so much about me in the matter of a week? How do you see the things that I thought I kept hidden so well?

But now I'm left to deal with these flaws by myself. Like I said, admitting that they are there is the easy part. But how do I change what I've been for 24 years??

Then there is this new sense of freedom that I have spiritually. I am learning so many new things about God that I never even thought was possible. But it's scary because I thought my belief system was pretty stable. Now I'm realizing that I need to reanalyze it all. Not that everything was wrong, but it needs tweaking.

Now I have this new freedom to discover God and myself, and I don't even know where to begin. For so long, I didn't really have to think or learn, everything had been laid out for me. There was security in knowing exactly where the boundaries lied. And in this new place, there are no boundaries. I get to set them myself, along with God's help.

So now I'm stuck because I want to just run at full speed and enjoy the freedom for a little while. But part of me wants to stay huddle in the safety of the past.

I don't know what step to take next, and right now, God is being pretty quiet concerning the situations....

Comments

Anonymous said…
Transparency is rare. Some live there whole lives unable to reflect, re-assess, and re-invent.

As teachers we hope our students can get to the point where they can self-assess and utilize metacognition ... or to think about their thinking.

I'm sure our school Master wants us do this too w/ the power of His Spirit and the mirror of His Word.

Continue in your journey to seek His face ... he will show you that you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

The apple of His eye ... Uniquely Original.
6:20 PM
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