Originally Unoriginal

Well consider Mr. Amazing deleted from my phone and my life.  In the words of Taylor Swift, "He's just another picture to burn!" So I texted to tell him Happy Thanksgiving and that I understood that things didn't work out, although I wish he could have just said so.  I did say regardless of the situation, I was here if he ever needed anything and that I was thankful he was part of my life that year, if even for a short time. Perhaps I shouldn't have said anything.  Perhaps I should have just said "Happy Thanksgiving" and left it at that.  But I wanted closure, needed closure.  I didn't want to pine away at home, thinking that maybe, just maybe, he might remember I existed.  And I wanted to be nice.  I have no real reason to be rude, and I wanted to treat him the way I wanted to be treated. But just because you treat someone the way you want to be treated, doesn't mean they will actually come through with it.  Matter of fact, Mr. Amazing didn...

It may not last too long, so I'm gonna celebrate it while I can.  Today was a great day.  If only for this weekend, things were fun and light and nice.  I'm not letting what could have been and should have been bother me.  Nope, I'm enjoying the present and be thankful for what I have.  It may not be what I imagined, but it's been fun nonetheless.

To me, “FEARLESS” is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. FEARLESS is falling madly in love again, even though you’ ve been hurt before. FEARLESS is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. FEARLESS is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again…even though every time you’ ve tried before, you’ ve lost.  It’s FEARLESS to have faith that someday things will change. FEARLESS is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. I think it’s FEARLESS to fall for your best friend, even though he’s in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, I think it’s FEARLESS to stop believing them. It’s FEARLESS to say “you’re NOT sorry”, and walk away.  I think lovin...

I don't understand it.  And I know that I'm not meant to understand everything.  I know that I am incapable of seeing the big picture.  I'm desperately trying to trust you completely.  I want to believe, but please help my unbelief. I know that I don't deserve anything.  Everything I have, everything I am, is only because you are a gracious father who wishes to bestow good upon me.   Forgive me for being selfish and bratty.  I know that things could be worse and that there are many, many others who's plight is 100 times more devastating than anything I could imagine. It doesn't stop my heart from aching but it lessens the pain.   You ultimately are the only one I need, the only one that can make me better.  I stand in awe of Your grace and love.  I'm amazed by You. The only thing I have to offer You today are my tears and my life.  It's not much, especially compared to Your greatness, but I give it anyway.  But the most amazing thing is that You find my...

For the past 5-6 years I've slept on 2 mattresses. I wanted my bed to be soft and cushy so that I just sunk into it. That was all good, but now, my back hurts. Guess my age is catching up with me. Anyways, I asked for a box springs mattress for Christmas. For unimportant reasons, I got the box springs today. I laid on the bed, and it was hard and well, felt like a regular bed. Guess that's how I've been living my life for a while. I wanted everything to be soft and cushy and fun and youthful. But life is catching up with me, and grown up life is plain and hard at times. I'm realizing that it doesn't matter that I still feel like I'm 16; I'm not. I'm an adult, and I have to play by adult rules. I don't get a free pass from bills or dumb bosses or stupid guys because I don't look my age. This isn't a fuss or a pity party. I'm not crying about the situation. I'm just waking up to reality and pulling up my big girl pantie...

My body waved the white flag this weekend.  It's been a stressful, emotional, and tiring past few months.  So Saturday, it was quitting time.  I went to bed feeling pretty miserable Saturday, and Sunday morning I was in the throws of a full blown sinus infection.   I would like to proudly state that it has been a year and 2 months since my last visit to the doctor for a sinus infection.  But today when my doctor took a look at my throat, she stepped back and said " Ew , that is pretty bad!"  I got a shot and some antibiotics, so I'll be right as rain in a few days. As for taking a break, well, I can sleep when I'm dead, right? The stress part is not all my fault.  Things at school have been pretty crazy.  Professionally, I shouldn't discuss it with the blogosphere .  I'll just say we've been dealing with break-ins, vandalism, fights, sheriffs , expulsions, and new security cameras.  I'm not concerned for my safety or the safety of my students reall...