Miracle, Revelation, and Freedom!
THE MIRACLE
I'm in Hot Springs visiting Sunshine and other friends. This morning I got up to find Sunshine fighting with her internet. (She's a medical transcriptionist, and needs her DSL). She got on the phone with her internet provider, ordered a new 2-wire modem. While on the phone she was happy to find out that her monthly bill would be lowered $10 a month for the next year.
Our only option was to head to her in-laws, which meant packing up her computer, her baby, and everything that goes with all of that and going across town. Sunshine decided to try her internet one more time. As she reconnected all of the wiring she laid hands on the modem and began to pray.
"Jesus, You know I have a lot of work to do today. It would be such a hassle to take everything to my in-laws, and I really wanted to spend time with Kim while she is here. Lord, I'm asking you to make this internet work. If for some reason you decided not to, I know you have a reason for it. But I'm asking you to fix this machine until my new modem comes in."
Green lights began to blink and moments later she was connected to the World Wide Web. After a bit of shouting in the her home office, she was back to work.
THE REVELATION
I'm reading the book "So You Don't Want To Go To Church Anymore." I'm recommending everyone that's every struggled with going to church to read this book. There are parts that I'm unsure about, so I'm not saying take this book and do exactly what it says. I am saying, read this book, let it speak to your heart, search the truth for yourself, and apply what seems best to your life.
The main focus of the book is that going to church is NOT your walk with God. Your walk with God is solely between you and God. There is nothing that you can do to merit God's love. He just loves you, not for what you do or don't do. He just loves. We have to learn to walk with Him first, and everything else will fit into place.
With my distress from my cold, dark road and my new revelation, this book has helped me to piece everything together. I realize now that everything I've gone through in the last year has been to reveal the flaws in me. I've learned not to ask God to "create in me a clean heart and renew in me a right spirit" if you're not willing to go through some stuff.
At a time that I felt that God was so far away, I see that He was actually holding me tighter than ever.
THE FREEDOM
Sunshine and I were discussing things last night. She told me that ever since she's known me, I've had a wall up protecting my heart. She said that I always seemed to be unwilling to be open and honest about my feelings for some people because I was afraid of getting hurt. I had to agree that she is right.
We talked about how liberating it is to be able to freely love. How when you feel comfortable enough with someone to be completely honest about your feelings and have them be honest about theirs back. When you get past the fear of being hurt or rejected, there is a freedom courses through you, not only affecting that one relationship but all the others.
I'm trying hard to be free and push aside the fear. When it comes to matters of the heart though, it is tough for me to throw caution to the wind. It's the fact that when I become attached to a guy, they usually don't have that same attachment for me. So it's a scary fight, but I'm trusting in God to bring the right one that I can fall freely into!
I'm in Hot Springs visiting Sunshine and other friends. This morning I got up to find Sunshine fighting with her internet. (She's a medical transcriptionist, and needs her DSL). She got on the phone with her internet provider, ordered a new 2-wire modem. While on the phone she was happy to find out that her monthly bill would be lowered $10 a month for the next year.
Our only option was to head to her in-laws, which meant packing up her computer, her baby, and everything that goes with all of that and going across town. Sunshine decided to try her internet one more time. As she reconnected all of the wiring she laid hands on the modem and began to pray.
"Jesus, You know I have a lot of work to do today. It would be such a hassle to take everything to my in-laws, and I really wanted to spend time with Kim while she is here. Lord, I'm asking you to make this internet work. If for some reason you decided not to, I know you have a reason for it. But I'm asking you to fix this machine until my new modem comes in."
Green lights began to blink and moments later she was connected to the World Wide Web. After a bit of shouting in the her home office, she was back to work.
THE REVELATION
I'm reading the book "So You Don't Want To Go To Church Anymore." I'm recommending everyone that's every struggled with going to church to read this book. There are parts that I'm unsure about, so I'm not saying take this book and do exactly what it says. I am saying, read this book, let it speak to your heart, search the truth for yourself, and apply what seems best to your life.
The main focus of the book is that going to church is NOT your walk with God. Your walk with God is solely between you and God. There is nothing that you can do to merit God's love. He just loves you, not for what you do or don't do. He just loves. We have to learn to walk with Him first, and everything else will fit into place.
With my distress from my cold, dark road and my new revelation, this book has helped me to piece everything together. I realize now that everything I've gone through in the last year has been to reveal the flaws in me. I've learned not to ask God to "create in me a clean heart and renew in me a right spirit" if you're not willing to go through some stuff.
At a time that I felt that God was so far away, I see that He was actually holding me tighter than ever.
THE FREEDOM
Sunshine and I were discussing things last night. She told me that ever since she's known me, I've had a wall up protecting my heart. She said that I always seemed to be unwilling to be open and honest about my feelings for some people because I was afraid of getting hurt. I had to agree that she is right.
We talked about how liberating it is to be able to freely love. How when you feel comfortable enough with someone to be completely honest about your feelings and have them be honest about theirs back. When you get past the fear of being hurt or rejected, there is a freedom courses through you, not only affecting that one relationship but all the others.
I'm trying hard to be free and push aside the fear. When it comes to matters of the heart though, it is tough for me to throw caution to the wind. It's the fact that when I become attached to a guy, they usually don't have that same attachment for me. So it's a scary fight, but I'm trusting in God to bring the right one that I can fall freely into!
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