My King Came!
I've really felt spiritually lacking lately. Ever since my walk down the cold, dark road, my prayer life has been non-existent. Even after my epiphany, I was still not where I needed to be when it came to prayer. I was very aware of God's presence and His blessings at times, but I still felt unable to really get a hold of him. So for a while I've been back and forth with blaming myself and blaming God.
Well last night the spirit of God was really moving in the praise and worship service at church. I was sitting on the platform on the computer running the projection system. Things were picking up and several people had gotten out of their pews and were really worshipping. Mentally a huge argument was going on for me. At first I thought..."Man, I remember the good old days where I would be right out there. Worship service would last for hours. Now it just seems that once things may start to get going, it gets cut off." Then the other voice in my head said..."Well, why don't you just get out there and start worshipping too. You may not change everyone, but you can change yourself. It's been a while since you've worshiped like that because you haven't made the effort."
Before I knew it I was standing up and walking off the platform to the alter. It was as if every emotion in my body hit me and I was completely gone. Over an entire year of frustration, disappointment, guilt, shame, and heartache begin to surface. I had to let go of it all.
To keep in the vein of the Spirit, my pastor spoke just briefly. He's message was simply, "Your King is coming." It was exactly what I needed to hear. I've been waiting for my Knight in shining Armor to come for a while. I've needed a huge rescue, but it felt like no one was there. Sunday night He came riding in.
I prayed like I haven't prayed in a long time. You know the kind of gut prayer that it hurts. I was just tired of going to church and nothing changing. I was tired of not feeling anything, going in and coming out the same. I was tired of bearing the same load everyday. My life is too hectic and too stressed to deal with it all.
As I prayed I saw every one of my students' faces. I cried for them. I cried for the youth group that I'm helping to lead. I cried for me because I feel so inadequate to serve them. After service was dismissed, I continued to sit with my face in my hands and cry. There was still so much for me to get out.
I felt much better today, and I have to admit my students were even better. Kids that normally give me so many problems were complete angels today. I may still have struggles with my independence, but I am definitely acknowledging the fact that I can't make it without God and His help!
Well last night the spirit of God was really moving in the praise and worship service at church. I was sitting on the platform on the computer running the projection system. Things were picking up and several people had gotten out of their pews and were really worshipping. Mentally a huge argument was going on for me. At first I thought..."Man, I remember the good old days where I would be right out there. Worship service would last for hours. Now it just seems that once things may start to get going, it gets cut off." Then the other voice in my head said..."Well, why don't you just get out there and start worshipping too. You may not change everyone, but you can change yourself. It's been a while since you've worshiped like that because you haven't made the effort."
Before I knew it I was standing up and walking off the platform to the alter. It was as if every emotion in my body hit me and I was completely gone. Over an entire year of frustration, disappointment, guilt, shame, and heartache begin to surface. I had to let go of it all.
To keep in the vein of the Spirit, my pastor spoke just briefly. He's message was simply, "Your King is coming." It was exactly what I needed to hear. I've been waiting for my Knight in shining Armor to come for a while. I've needed a huge rescue, but it felt like no one was there. Sunday night He came riding in.
I prayed like I haven't prayed in a long time. You know the kind of gut prayer that it hurts. I was just tired of going to church and nothing changing. I was tired of not feeling anything, going in and coming out the same. I was tired of bearing the same load everyday. My life is too hectic and too stressed to deal with it all.
As I prayed I saw every one of my students' faces. I cried for them. I cried for the youth group that I'm helping to lead. I cried for me because I feel so inadequate to serve them. After service was dismissed, I continued to sit with my face in my hands and cry. There was still so much for me to get out.
I felt much better today, and I have to admit my students were even better. Kids that normally give me so many problems were complete angels today. I may still have struggles with my independence, but I am definitely acknowledging the fact that I can't make it without God and His help!
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