Still going
I'm still slowly traveling down my new spiritual path. I can't say it's been easy, but it's been very peaceful. I know that many of you have probably experienced or are experiencing now what I'm going through, so I hope that you gain encouragement while reading about my progress. Most of my posts in the new few weeks and possibly months will be sharing this experience with all of you.
The first week was pretty euphoric. I felt a wonderful peace of God after admitting my faults and misconceptions to God. Forgiving and asking for forgiveness and leaning on God's love has been very refreshing.
However, What I've found in ridding myself of performance-base religion is that you no longer have things to hide behind. When my relationship was built on my abilities, it was easy to keep myself busy performing certain tasks. It didn't require me to open up and share my insecurities. I didn't have to face the things I didn't like about myself. But when building a relationship on things other than duties, talking and sharing is required. Lately God has been asking me to open up about a lot of issues that I was afraid to discuss.
I have a huge fear of rejection. I've mentioned it before, but I felt that it was something I just had to live with. I thought it was who I was. That fear of rejection hasn't just kept me out of romantic relationships, but it's kept me from trying new things, meeting new people, and striking out on my own at times without numerous hours of analyzing and over analyzing.
God didn't take much time in testing me with this either. It seems as if he's thrown me right into the middle of the ring. My moving out into an apartment has been the fastest big decision I've ever made. Normally I would have budgeted for days, and thought about it until I couldn't sleep. I would have eventually talked myself out of it. This time, after a simply prayer, I took the plunge. I've been doing well and completely trusting God that I made the right decision.
However, my fear of rejection has reered its ugly head up several times in the past few days. There have been moments of overwhelming fear and nervousness where I could have thrown up. It's not that I feel I'm out of God's will. No, this fear is strictly about me failing. What if I get scared. What if I don't do this perfectly. What if things don't go as planned.
I've had to call on the peace of God to overtake this fear. Then today, my friend sent me this beautiful Bible Verse. "These things I've spoke unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world, ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I've overcome the world." John 16:33 God reassured me that he heard my prayer, and my fear has slowly resided as the day has passed on.
The first week was pretty euphoric. I felt a wonderful peace of God after admitting my faults and misconceptions to God. Forgiving and asking for forgiveness and leaning on God's love has been very refreshing.
However, What I've found in ridding myself of performance-base religion is that you no longer have things to hide behind. When my relationship was built on my abilities, it was easy to keep myself busy performing certain tasks. It didn't require me to open up and share my insecurities. I didn't have to face the things I didn't like about myself. But when building a relationship on things other than duties, talking and sharing is required. Lately God has been asking me to open up about a lot of issues that I was afraid to discuss.
I have a huge fear of rejection. I've mentioned it before, but I felt that it was something I just had to live with. I thought it was who I was. That fear of rejection hasn't just kept me out of romantic relationships, but it's kept me from trying new things, meeting new people, and striking out on my own at times without numerous hours of analyzing and over analyzing.
God didn't take much time in testing me with this either. It seems as if he's thrown me right into the middle of the ring. My moving out into an apartment has been the fastest big decision I've ever made. Normally I would have budgeted for days, and thought about it until I couldn't sleep. I would have eventually talked myself out of it. This time, after a simply prayer, I took the plunge. I've been doing well and completely trusting God that I made the right decision.
However, my fear of rejection has reered its ugly head up several times in the past few days. There have been moments of overwhelming fear and nervousness where I could have thrown up. It's not that I feel I'm out of God's will. No, this fear is strictly about me failing. What if I get scared. What if I don't do this perfectly. What if things don't go as planned.
I've had to call on the peace of God to overtake this fear. Then today, my friend sent me this beautiful Bible Verse. "These things I've spoke unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world, ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I've overcome the world." John 16:33 God reassured me that he heard my prayer, and my fear has slowly resided as the day has passed on.
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