Avoiding

You should know by now that if I've avoided the blogosphere for too long, it means 1 or 2 things:
  1. My life is so busy that I don't have time to write.
  2. I am dealing with so many thoughts that I refuse to sit down and write because I don't want to deal with them.
This time, its a mixture of the two.

I'm taking a night class this semester to prepare for a 3 part test.  I have to take this test to be certified to teach a computer class next semester.  The kicker is, our district won't know if we'll even be able to offer the class until April, but I have to take all this training just in case it all works out.  Of course, when you ask for details, no one seems to know anything.  I've gotten so many different answers that it's left me a bit stressed.  I like to know what is expected of me, and everything is so up in the air that it's driving me crazy.

I've also applied to Graduate School.  I planned on starting this summer, but the fellowship I'm applying for won't start paying until Fall semester.  So I'm trying to get all my ducks in a row for the fellowship.  I was all gung-ho about going back to school, but starting this night class reminded me of how hard it's going to be to teach full time and then go to school.  I know that I'll eventually get back in the routine, but I'm going to have to learn how to say "no" to somethings.

I'm dealing with fears of the unknown.  I'm dreading things that are days, months, years down the road.  I'm being bombarded with the harsh reality of other's lives, and it's all been just a bit too much to bear.  I've become over sensitive lately, not necessarily to my own needs, but to the heartaches of others.  I know that it's probably a good thing that I'm concerned for others, but it's also emotionally draining.  

I want to fix them, and I can't.  I know the only thing I can do is be their friend, but it's requiring me to step out of my bubble and do for them.  I'm having to be a friend to people that I've never been a friend to before.  And don't get me wrong, I WANT to be their friend, but it just takes extra time, time that once was spent on other things.  

There is so much more that I want to say, but can't.  But I'll be ok; it's just another bumb in the road.

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