No Greater Love
There is a biological clock that ticks. Sometimes it's so faint, I don't even hear it. Other times, its tick-tock is more like a sonic boom in my ears, reminding me that my "best years" are quickly slipping by.
There have been times where I thought the clock's ticking was meaningless because my life was headed in the right direction. The good guy in my life would lead to a proposal, house, family...to taking my rightful place in society. Or, I was applying for jobs in big cities where I could live the single life seen in the movies...just fun and friends!
With the guys never seeming to pan out, I figured it was time to spread my wings and fly. To become Miss Independent, far away from the small country life I have lived for so long. And many, many people encouraged it. There is no future here in Greenville, no real single friends my age, no possibilities for someone like me. Then there were those that questioned, what are you going to do about "so-and-so", can you walk away from this responsibility, can you really leave? Everytime I agreed that it would be hard and that my decision wasn't easy. But could I honestly keep putting my life on hold for everyone else? For anyone or anything else?
I can honestly say I've been torn. I mean, my loyalty and familiarity wanted me to stay. But that clock, that confounded clock, kept reminding me that I couldn't just sit back and watch my opportunities pass me by. But then something got louder than the clock. Something began to reverberate inside my brain. It was like everywhere I turned, the same scripture was spoken, read, or seen.
"There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends."
And soon I knew, I didn't have a choice. I couldn't leave. It may not be the life I wanted; it may be harder to silence the ticking clock, but I knew that I had to lay it all down. I had to forfeit the life I thought I wanted, the life I thought I needed for the life that God wanted and needed for me.
And there is a peace now, that I've never quite experienced. I wish that I could say I don't still long for the big city life or the marriage and family. I do. And sometimes, it's still a bit overwhelming. Sometimes the clock still booms. But there is a still small voice that reassures me, that this is where I'm suppose to be. This is what I'm suppose to be doing.
And just maybe, the life I thought I wanted can merge with the life that I know I need.
There have been times where I thought the clock's ticking was meaningless because my life was headed in the right direction. The good guy in my life would lead to a proposal, house, family...to taking my rightful place in society. Or, I was applying for jobs in big cities where I could live the single life seen in the movies...just fun and friends!
With the guys never seeming to pan out, I figured it was time to spread my wings and fly. To become Miss Independent, far away from the small country life I have lived for so long. And many, many people encouraged it. There is no future here in Greenville, no real single friends my age, no possibilities for someone like me. Then there were those that questioned, what are you going to do about "so-and-so", can you walk away from this responsibility, can you really leave? Everytime I agreed that it would be hard and that my decision wasn't easy. But could I honestly keep putting my life on hold for everyone else? For anyone or anything else?
I can honestly say I've been torn. I mean, my loyalty and familiarity wanted me to stay. But that clock, that confounded clock, kept reminding me that I couldn't just sit back and watch my opportunities pass me by. But then something got louder than the clock. Something began to reverberate inside my brain. It was like everywhere I turned, the same scripture was spoken, read, or seen.
"There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends."
And soon I knew, I didn't have a choice. I couldn't leave. It may not be the life I wanted; it may be harder to silence the ticking clock, but I knew that I had to lay it all down. I had to forfeit the life I thought I wanted, the life I thought I needed for the life that God wanted and needed for me.
And there is a peace now, that I've never quite experienced. I wish that I could say I don't still long for the big city life or the marriage and family. I do. And sometimes, it's still a bit overwhelming. Sometimes the clock still booms. But there is a still small voice that reassures me, that this is where I'm suppose to be. This is what I'm suppose to be doing.
And just maybe, the life I thought I wanted can merge with the life that I know I need.
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