More of My Journey
A friend of mine commented how much I've changed over the past year. He said besides the emotional peace I seem to have lately, there has been an outward change. He stated that I was taking time out for me, and it seemed to show.
He's right. I have been having a ton of "me" time lately. Some of it has been fun: new clothes, new hair, new tan, even the new work-outs. But all the inward, emotional stuff has been down right difficult at times. It's not so easy to look at yourself and say, "You've got to change." It hurts to dig deep and expose light to the dark places of your soul.
My recently discovered issue is that I don't trust myself, therefore, I don't trust others. As a result I keep my guard up with people as not to be disappointed when they don't live up to my expectations. My expectations of others are high because I expect too much out of myself. I'm hard on myself because I don't trust myself to just relax.
I don't do compliments well either. Because I expect the best out of myself, I feel uncomfortable when people tell me I did a good job, etc. It's hard for me to just say, "thanks." Instead I say, it's no problem or anytime. I feel like a good job should be expected not complimented. As a result of not taking compliments, I don't give them all that much either.
All this stems back from my need to perform. So my newest goal is not to be so hard on myself and to work on complimenting others. I can only be myself, but I want to be the best version of me that I can possibly be. I want to be the person God wants me to be, and I'm working on embracing the love He has for me.
He's right. I have been having a ton of "me" time lately. Some of it has been fun: new clothes, new hair, new tan, even the new work-outs. But all the inward, emotional stuff has been down right difficult at times. It's not so easy to look at yourself and say, "You've got to change." It hurts to dig deep and expose light to the dark places of your soul.
My recently discovered issue is that I don't trust myself, therefore, I don't trust others. As a result I keep my guard up with people as not to be disappointed when they don't live up to my expectations. My expectations of others are high because I expect too much out of myself. I'm hard on myself because I don't trust myself to just relax.
I don't do compliments well either. Because I expect the best out of myself, I feel uncomfortable when people tell me I did a good job, etc. It's hard for me to just say, "thanks." Instead I say, it's no problem or anytime. I feel like a good job should be expected not complimented. As a result of not taking compliments, I don't give them all that much either.
All this stems back from my need to perform. So my newest goal is not to be so hard on myself and to work on complimenting others. I can only be myself, but I want to be the best version of me that I can possibly be. I want to be the person God wants me to be, and I'm working on embracing the love He has for me.
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