Originally Unoriginal

...the rest of my life to go! I'm patting myself and God on the back for a job well done. I've made it a week on my diet, and I've endured some hard decisions but made it out alive thanks to the good Lord's guidance. I had a very important conversation with "The Ex" that should keep things going well. He admitted that due to circumstances he isn't interested in a relationship, and I'm glad to hear that he's realized that. We both agreed that we wanted to stay connected and friends and that if in the future, if things changed, we would be upfront. Neither of us are looking to play around with each other's emotions; we are both to old for that. I was so relieved to hear him say that. I was on my guard because I knew with so much history it would be easy to fall back into something just because of emotions. However, I knew that wasn't what I really wanted. If I am ever to be with him, I want it to be because of who we are as people now...

I've never been on a diet. (Thank you mom, dad, and God for my high metabolism.) But I would assume that when on a diet, like an AA member, it would be good to confess the "slips" you almost have. It seems healthy to get it out there. So here's the real truth about the ex boyfriend. The Ex, as he will now be affectionately referred to, was the only guy I ever loved. Despite enough drama to make us the lead characters in a CW hit teenage show, I honestly thought I would spend the rest of my life with him. When it all ended, I spent the next 8 years convincing myself I was better off and becoming a total independent woman. Then one morning I woke up to a generic friend request email from Facebook . The Ex has added me as a friend! WHAT? I haven't spoken to him in 7 years? How did he find me? Why? We exchanged a few pleasantries and that was all. Even though at the onset I freaked, I was able to go back to life as normal. He didn't want anything b...

So Sunday my favorite visiting preacher was in town. I think Pastor let him take a look at my blog before he preached, but I'm glad he did. He told me exactly what I needed to hear; it was a great reminder that God is in control. He talked about when the disciples were on the boat in the middle of the storm. They freaked out and ran downstairs to wake Jesus up. Jesus got a little snippy with them after He calmed the storm and said, "Don't you guys have any faith? Why would you think this ship would sink if I was in it?" Just a few stories later, Jesus is with His disciples, and they have a picnic, feeding 5000 people with a little boy's lunch. Had the disciples not gone through the storm, had their faith not been tested, they may not have had enough faith to enjoy the picnic. I suppose it really hit home when the preacher said, "If Jesus is living in your heart, you can't drown. You'll never go under." Hmm ...sounds exactly like my fear from my ...

....better build an Ark!  It's been raining here literally and figuratively for the past, say, 3 weeks.  Today was the first Saturday of sun since I can remember.  Maybe this means that the downpour of all the thoughts in my head will have a little break too.   Why is that everything can be going fine, and then all of a sudden, it all falls on top of you?  It's like everyone waits to drop their emotional trash all at the same time.  It's like I don't know which way is up sometimes.  The thing is no matter how much I analyze and run things over in my mind, I'm not going to be able to change anything.  What is suppose to happen will happen, right?   I don't even know where to begin with it all.  I don't want to process any of it.  I want it all to go away, but I'm afraid if it all goes away, I'll be left with nothing.  So perhaps it's all my fault for not just saying "I can't take the drama."  But to tell everyone to leave me alone, w...

"Why are you talking about me to other people?" "How do you know it was about you?" "If it wasn't about me, then why would that person have told me?" " Ok , so if you think it is about you, then maybe I told them because you aren't talking to me." "I'm not not talking to you. I'm talking to you. I'm just maybe not talking to you as in depth as usual. I've been busy." "Busy or avoiding?" "Maybe both." "Why is that?" " Cuz last time I talked to you, you didn't have anything to say back. So I decided I was just gonna go about my business until you decided to talk." "Well I'm talking now, or at least you seem to think I'm talking now." "I just wish you could tell me these things. Why do I always have to hear it from someone else? Makes me look dumb." "Just makes it look like you aren't listening to me." " Buh ! Fine! You win. ...

It's been an absolutely crazy couple of weeks, and I do apologize for not keeping you all updated. I'm sure you have just been at wit's end not being able to hear my rants and raves. I'm not sure how you have all managed without me! :) So I've had several hour long conversations with my ex-boyfriend, the only guy I ever loved. Mr. Amazing has been very attentive via text, and even said he missed me the other day. Go figure. On top of that, I've had some extremely stressful situations at school. Not just discipline issues but real frustrating, no answer available situations. Then I had to decorate for Prom last week and chaperon, but that was actually kinda fun, just time consuming! So my brain has been fried along with my emotions, and therefore I just didn't find time to blog. Plus I'm learning that too many people read my blog and so I have to be careful what I write. I don't want anyone to get their feelings hurt and I don't want one ...