Originally Unoriginal

I was invited to the "A Month in My Life" blog for 90&9. I feel so honored! So if you want to keep up with me, please do so here. http://www.ninetyandnine.com/month/

In Tonight's episode of Grey's Anatomy , Derrick Shepherd's tells his girlfriend Meredith Grey that he is having doubts about their relationship. She recently fell in the ocean (bay or something) and almost drown. So the conversation goes something like this. "When you came up out of that water, I spent the scariest hour of my life trying to breathe for you. You can swim, but you didn't....I want you. I love you. But I just don't know if I want to spend the rest of my life trying to breathing for you." This show has such a way of saying what I'm thinking. Sometimes you just get tired of putting all the effort into the relationship, coaching that person to communicate, open up, be there for you. No matter how much you love them or want them, it's hard to make it last if you are the only one doing all breathing...

I promise I won't (ok I won't unless it's really important) skip school ever again! Doesn't that sound like the promise of a student and not a teacher?? Sometimes the more things change, the more they stay the same, huh? Anywaz, here's what happened... I skipped school yesterday to go out of town with a friend. When I left school on Monday afternoon, I had no idea that I was going to be skipping. So I left a mailing envelope with some checks and about $60 cash on my desk. I was suppose to mail it to our school photographer. I figured I would take care of it Tuesday morning. Now fast forward to Wednesday. The envelope is no where to be found! I talked to the sub and she distinctly remembered it being there at the end of 5th period. No one stole it I'm sure. They would have had to know money was in it, plus the sub is good. However, the envelope was sitting on the edge of the desk where the garbage can is. I'm almost 100% sure the envelope fell into the garbag...

So to make a long story short, I found out some information on my ex-boyfriend. This unfortunately, isn't any ex, he was the ex! He's the guy who has totally ruined me towards guys. We dated when I was a senior in high school. He gave me a promise ring (which I still have to this day), I had ever intention of marrying him right after graduation, he broke my heart, and I never quite got over him. The information is this -- He got married about 3-4 years ago and got divorced. He has in the past year remarried and is expecting his first child. He is an assistant youth pastor at some charismatic church in Georgia. He's 23 years old and already working on his second marriage. I'm 23 and haven't even started on my second boyfriend since him! I can't imagine being at that place in my life. Even though he was my first love and I'll always have a connection to him, I feel really relieved. I would have been his ex-wife if we had stayed together. After all the nights I...

After being interviewed by the school administration, the teaching prospect asked, "Let me see if I've got this right: You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning. You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride. You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play; how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and apply for a job. You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the state exams. You want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents by letter, telephone, email, newsletter, and report card. You want me to d...

"You're right...I have never been the friend to you that you have been to me. But I want to change that..." That's all I've ever needed to hear for 3 years!

Excuse me. I am not your girlfriend or your wife. What I wear and how I look is of no concern of yours. When I wake up in the morning and get dressed, your opinion is not on my mind. I dress to please myself. Also, don't analyze my actions as if you know me. I am not one of those other skanky girls. You don't know my situations or my problems. You only know what I allow you to know and that is not enough to judge me by. You may think you know, but you have no idea. And do not get an attitude with me for snapping. It doesn't make me a stupid woman with PMS or a bad Christian. It makes you a jerk! I am a person, not a piece of meat. There is much more to me than my physical appearance whether it suits you today or not. I refuse to be be treated as if I'm inferior and your little punching bag. So next time you want to comment on how my appearance is not up to your standards, keep your comment to yourself!

Another good guy friend texted today. Guess what? He's getting married too! He's 18!

I'm ready to dive head first into that giddy feeling. I'm ready to be so excited over something stupid that I can't seem to wipe that silly grin off my face. I'm ready to be infatuated. I'm ready to lay in my bed knowing I should get off the phone yet not wanting to miss a single word. I'm ready to hear a song on the radio and have an instant memory of his hand holding mine. I'm ready for the first kiss, and the second, and the third. I'm ready for his hand to softly caress my face and push away that stray hair that always wants to fall in my eye. I'm not ready for the rejection I may have to face. I'm not ready for the awkwardness of the first date. I'm not ready for the uncertainty. I'm not ready to get in a fight and stay up all night wondering if I've made a mistake. I'm not ready for the possibility that he may not be the one. I'm not ready to have my heart broken. I'm not ready to face the fact he may not exist. I...

I'm not sure when it happened. I guess I would have to say about 2 years or so, give or take. One minute it was me excitedly screaming "Congratulations!" and then next minute it's a friend patting me on the back saying "You're day will come." Friends getting married! It sucks! Not that I'm not excited for them and celebrating in their joy, but after all the over-dramatic happy dance, I can't help but feel disheartened. It's a huge mixture of emotions that make me seek instant consolation from someone. There's another good guy gone. Not that I was technically interested in that person. Which leads me to: Why wasn't I interested in that good, level-headed guy!? What's wrong with me? Why can't I seem to attract someone ready for commitment. I'm not even demanding marriage, but a date now or then would be nice. Why does everyone have to get married now! I'm running out of single friends to hang out with. I do love my marri...

I absolutely cannot stand double standards. Nothing can get me fired up more than people seeing guys and girls differently when it comes to sex. I realize that the world sees the girl as the whore and the guy as the hero , but as a Christian, it shouldn't be that way. If one is wrong, the other is wrong. I had this conversation tonight with a friend, and it made me so angry. He sat at the table and said that he wanted to marry a virgin; however, he openly admits that he's been with plenty of women. Now, I on the other hand, do not condone adultery, however previous sexual history does not weigh heavy on my list of criteria for a guy. Don't get me wrong. I would much rather marry a virgin for the fact that I wouldn't be compared to anyone else and that is the type of lifestyle that I agree with spiritually. However, I realize that we all make mistakes, and the fact that some people don't come to have a relationship with Jesus until much later in life. Also, I realize...

Finally the Italy Article is up! Ninetyandnine has been having some technical difficulties, so you have to visit the old site in order to view the article. Do that here ! Last week was a blur for me! Not only was I preparing for Easter, I was also preparing for Prom. Because of Easter holidays, we had Prom on Thursday night instead of Friday. That meant we had to one less day to decorate the gym, but it came out just perfect. I had a blast watching the kids dance and enjoy themselves. I even got in a couple of dances too, some with the students, one with a coach (which I can say was actually kinda nice :-) ) Friday I took the girls from my Sunday school class to Jackson for some shopping. Our pastor's wife felt a burden to take the girls shopping and buy them a complete Easter outfit. Many of them have low self esteems, and we wanted them to feel extra pretty this year. So we went last weekend to Little Rock and did most of the shopping. I finished it up with them on Friday. We had...

My previous post was just a joke. However, today it seems to ring true. (not the part about God using magic!) God really doesn't play by any rules, or at least not our rules. He's got his own game plan going. I find that walking with God is like playing a board game with a six year old. The little kid changes the rules to suit him. When you think it's your turn to roll the dice, the child decides all of sudden that he gets two extra rolls for no apparent reason. Then you get use to that rule change to realize that it doesn't apply anymore. So you're left feeling as if you have no control; you're just living play by play. I'm not saying that this is bad. Obviously as a Christian I know that God's ways are always going to be better than my ways. Of course He created the world and has the authority to do whatever He please, whenever He pleases. I just feel impatient sometimes. I know that I'm doing a good thing where I am at and that I'm needed and ...