Originally Unoriginal

I'm sitting at the lunch table today, having the same conversation that I seem to have everyday with one of the coaches, when it came out.... "I'm deathly afraid of Rejection, ok?" I gasped! Did I just admit that? Outloud?? The coach began to clap. Thank you, I've been trying to get you to admit that since day 1! Then it just all came spilling out. I am. I fear rejection with every ounce of my being. That is why I don't like to do things that I know I won't be good at. That's why I'm afraid of making the first step. That's why I hide my true feelings sometimes. That's why I can't make small talk with new people. I try to avoid rejection at all costs! Now....admitting is one thing. But being able to get over it, well....that's a whole new ballgame.

My retainer got thrown away by accident Sunday night. I try not to think about the fact that it was in the trash can and now is in my mouth. I forgot to set my alarm this morning. I should have woken up at 6:30, instead I woke up at 7:05. Thank God I still live at home, and mom could help. Otherwise I don't think i would have made it on time. I was walking out the door around 7:23! Today, we were watching Channel 1 (a short news video feed that comes into our classrooms), and one student asked. "Ms. Rigney , does someone actually count all those votes for President?" "Yes. Most of them are done electronically, but yes, some of them are counted by people." I replied. " Hmm ...that would take a while. Wouldn't it be easier to say 'Make some noise for this candidate.'"

I know you are sovereign . I know that you have a plan for me. I know that you know what I need better than I know myself. But right now, I don't care. Right now, I'm angry. I'm hurt. I'm confused. I want an answer. I want clarity. I know I'll understand it better one day. But I want that day to be now!

Every work of God begins with an altar. My pastor said that this morning in his message. Now I'm left wondering how many altars have I built in my life. How many of those altars were for God or for my own personal ageneda? I've been wondering why I'm not getting what I want in life. Perhaps it's because I'm not sacrificing my desires to God like I should? I do know that God is the only source of my life. He is the only one that can give me what I need. So why do I worry? Perhaps it's time for me to rebuild some altars. I need to go back and clear off the past landmarks as a reminder of God's provisions.

They let us out of school early today because it was sleeting a little bit. Then they canceled the basketball game for tonight. And that makes me a little sad. This is pathetic, but I actually like the basketball games on Friday night. That way I have something to do. Now it's Friday night, and I don't have anything to do. I guess it's times like this that remind me of how lame I am.

I celebrated the dream today by working out at the YMCA this morning, and by catching another movie with Mom. So I have been working out on a regular basis for the past 2 weeks! Ya know I joined several months back, but I never actually went more than 2-3 times. So I'm going and doing 3 miles on the elliptical machine. I'm really not doing anything other than that because I don't really know what I"m doing, and I don't want people watching me on those weight machines. I'm not really looking to lose weight anyway, just tighten my butt and thighs up a bit, and overall just feel good. My friend saw me working out today for the first time. He later texted me and said he almost didn't recognize me. I asked him was it the pants or the hat I was wearing. He thought it was a mixture of the two. He did reassure me that I looked absolutely normal though. I also bought the new iPhone on Friday! There are a few features that I'm not so psyched about, but overall I...

I just saw the movie 27 Dresses , and it was really, really great! I guess the reason why I liked it so much, is that I could relate to it. Without giving the movie away completely, it's about this girl who is always doing things for everyone, especially for friend's weddings. She has a big problem with boundaries and when to tell people NO. She goes through life trying to please other people, waiting for the day when it will be her turn. She thinks she knows what she wants, and she sits back waiting for the right moment when it will all fall into place. Eventually the pressure builds, and she finds out what she thought she wanted all this time, was the wrong thing. How many times in life have we done that...clinging to what we just knew was right, what we've always dreamed of, and then found out it wasn't so hot after all. And in the meantime, between waiting and actually receiving what we want, we have to fill our lives with other people, gadgets, jobs, or hobbies jus...

I'm feeling a bit blah tonight. I'm not sure where this blog is headed...so bare with me. I've never been the type of person to put time limits on my life, and I never really pictured myself anywhere specific by a certain age. However, lately, I feel like I should be somewhere else, doing something else. I'm 24...which is not old, but sometimes circumstances make me feel so much older. I guess I'm just ready for my life to head in a new direction. It seems that I've been at the same thing for a while now. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of being treated differently because I'm single. I'm tired of everyone assuming that I can do whatever for them whenever because I don't have a family. It's not that I want to get married right now, or that I think that will solve my problems. I'd just be mixing someone's problems up with mine. But I do want...that bubbly feeling. I want to hold someone's hand, look into their eyes and feel...

**This post is not written to offend anyone. It is strictly my thoughts on a very sensitive subject in Pentecostal/Apostolic/Holiness Movements today. You may or may not know anything pertaining to "Dress Standards" in these churches, but if not, maybe it will help you understand why things are the way they are.** I have been raised to uphold certain standards in my dress and appearance. Women are to have long hair and to only wear skirts, not rising above the knee. We are not to wear make-up or jewelry, except for a wedding ring. All of this is to be done in order to be an example to the world and be pleasing in the sight of God. I have upheld these rules, for the most part, for the past 24 years of my life. I have questioned them often. I even did a study with my college and career group a few years back. The principles behind them made since, to a degree, and there were a few scriptures to back them up, so I accepted the status-quo. As certain events began to arise in my l...

First I have to say that the Cowboys choked and lost the playoff game again! I'll be cheering for the Packers next week, which is ok. Brett is a Mississippi Boy! I prayed and asked God to let them win. But I had a bad attitude this weekend, and despite my not-so-sincere apology, I think God was making me suffer. I do apologize to all the fans out there. But hey, we can always blame Jessica Simpson! In all seriousness though, I've been a bit haughty and high minded. I know I am on a regular basis, but most of the time I'm just joking. This time, well, maybe I overstepped my boundaries. I guess the reason why I'm sharing this is because a good friend told me that he basically didn't believe I struggled with sin. And honestly I don't struggle with the "big sins" as far as humans categorize sin. I don't ever have the urge to drink, smoke, or dip. I don't struggle with fornication because I don't usually get that close to guys. However I do stru...

I always knew God kept good records, and finally, I am seeing a huge pay off! The Cowboys play the Giants Sunday afternoon at 3:30 PM. This presents a huge problem seeing that normal Sunday night service begins at 6:00 PM, and since I praise sing, I would have to be there at 5:15-5:30. I would miss the end of the game. Then, this particular weekend was scheduled as a recording session for our Praise and Worship Team to put on the TV broadcast. That meant the game was bascially off for me because they wanted to start recording early.... But the Lord has heard my prayer and inclined His ear to my voice! We are going to record immediately after Sunday Morning service and cancel Sunday night service since we will be up there all afternoon. That means, we can TIVO the game, and watch it as soon as we finish recording and the game won't end until we start watching it, so no one can ruin the final score! Now if the Cowboys can pull off a win against the Giants....Well that will take a mir...

I'm miffed today. It's not a bad day, and I'm not miserable or angry...just miffed. Here's why.. My favorite purse is beginning to tear. Stupid Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo went on a little getaway. Playoffs are Sunday. Last time Stupid Jessica showed up at a game, Romo chocked! If he screws up the game, I'm going to be so mad! This cute but weird guy called me today. Why is that the guys that I'm not interested in are all about dating, and the guys that I could actually be interested in dating aren't feeling it. I want a dog, and I can't have one. I live at home and my parents have always been against pets in the house. I know that I'm a pretty busy person and having a dog would be a huge responsibility , and since I tend to go off for trips really often, it would fall on my parents to watch the dog if I couldn't take him with me. I just need some type of companionship. Buh ...I just feel...discontent...

I don't know if I want to be more than friends either, but I'm really sick of that being everyone's excuse lately...What about taking chances?? I don't know much about your life I don't know much about your world Don't want to be alone tonight on this planet they call earth. You don't know about my past And I don't have a future figured out And maybe this is going to fast Maybe it's not meant to last But what do you say to taking chances? What do you say to jumping off the edge? Never knowing if there's solid ground below Or hand to hold Or Hell to pay..... What do you say?

So I've recovered extremely well from the drama of last year. My pastor preached a sermon (unfortuantely, I missed it last week) about saying goodbye to the storm and I'm so ready to say ADIOS!! I am so glad that God makes us new creatures and that His mercies are new every morning! It is only through Him that I've come out sane this year! It's just amazing that something that seemed so huge a month ago seems to barely exist today, but I thank God for his leading hand. So as not to be beating around the bush, I am declaring that from this point on, we will no longer discuss past church issues or stupid boys from 2007 unless God needs me to testify of His grace! Agreed? Ok! We'll consider it our new year's pact!

Our Church is beginning it's own weekly TV show. Pastor asked me to do a tiny segment on issues facing teenagers. This is one of the shots taken today at Delta Grind!

Even though it's not in the same capacity as I originally planned, Unconquerable Boy has been conquered....once and for all!! While visiting my friend and my beautiful nieces this past weekend, I landed face to face with unconquerable boy and his new girlfriend. It was a bit awkward because I felt like everyone was waiting for the blow up. Now I'll admit seeing them cuddling and making goo-goo eyes at each other was not entertaining, but I can honestly say that it didn't phase me. I did introduce myself to her and shook her hand, and I did say "Hi, how are you?" in passing to him. Then I spent all New Year's day at his family's house watching bowl games. As soon as he left to take her to the airport for her return trip home, things seemed to go even smoother. The slight tension from everyone seemed to lift. Many people were surprised at my calm reaction. I guess they were maybe expecting fireworks or a reenactment of Carrie Underwood's "Before He...