Originally Unoriginal

I cooked my first meal in my apartment. Yes, I've been there a month and it was the first time I turned the stove on! It was a Green Giant Chicken Teriyaki meal , but it was good! Today, I'm making stew in a crock-pot b/c I want be home until much later. I've turned into a culinary genius! :) Other than that, my time off has been busy so far. My friend has a monogramming business, so I've been working for her the past few days. I'll finish this order up this afternoon, then I'll be running errands, going to work out, and watching my brother play softball. My parents are on vacation in Asheville , NC. We got my mom tickets to the Biltmore Plantation and so they finally got a chance to go this week. Mom called to tell me all about it. I'm a bit jealous, but I'm glad they got to go. She's always wanted to see it. I'm going Saturday to help my friend look for bridesmaid's dresses. She's getting married September 27 th . I'm ...

School is out for the summer! However, I've still got a ton of work to do, just of a different kind. There are somethings that I've got to work on this summer. I'm still working on improving me. I want to start cooking. I want to work out even more. I want to work on keeping my apartment clean. I also want to work on my Bible Studies. I want to get to know God even more. I want to draw even closer to Him than I am now. But right now, I want to stop making this guy such a priority in my life when obviously I'm just an option for him. I want to stop hanging on to his good intentions. I want to wipe away all the "could be's" and deal with reality. It doesn't matter how much he loves God and how much good he wants to do. He can think I'm the greatest person in the world, but if he doesn't want me, then none of that matters. It's time to suck it all up and put it all on the line. We can be friends, but we can't go out on date...

I'm still working on some things....like lowering my expectations of others. You said you wanted to hang out and see where it progressed. I was cool with that. I didn't even mind being the one to initiate the hanging out. I thought things were improving, drastically. You were the one that "missed me." You were the one that "was trying." I realize that you are a great person, but you suck at relationships. And I realize that this isn't a steady relationship but whatever it is...it sucks. I'm trying to be patient because love is patient, and I know that you have issues. But "Made of Honor" is a movie! I'm not waiting around for you for 10 years to get your act together. So why did I expect any more from you? Why did I get my hopes up?

...in the world, in your school, in your workplace. You fill in the blank That's my new motto! I'm ready to see some positive things happen, and that's only going to happen one person at a tie What better person to start with than myself? I've decided to put myself out there, and do whatever I need to do to make things happen. I can sit by idly and wish things were better or I can make a conscious effort to change them. So if I don't succeed, at least I tried. And I don't plan to go out without a fight. My new motto was strengthened today at school when I heard of a recent student getting saved. She was a known lesbian, but in math class, she proceeded to preach to the rest of the class about how she's been changed. As the bell was ringing, she asked the kids to hold tight while she said a prayer. She ended it "God let something I said today touch someone." WOW! I was floored. Her boldness to get in front of the entire class and put all...

A friend of mine commented how much I've changed over the past year. He said besides the emotional peace I seem to have lately, there has been an outward change. He stated that I was taking time out for me, and it seemed to show. He's right. I have been having a ton of "me" time lately. Some of it has been fun: new clothes, new hair, new tan, even the new work-outs. But all the inward, emotional stuff has been down right difficult at times. It's not so easy to look at yourself and say, "You've got to change." It hurts to dig deep and expose light to the dark places of your soul. My recently discovered issue is that I don't trust myself, therefore, I don't trust others. As a result I keep my guard up with people as not to be disappointed when they don't live up to my expectations. My expectations of others are high because I expect too much out of myself. I'm hard on myself because I don't trust myself to just relax. I do...

I chaperoned prom Friday night. I couldn't help but smile when I looked at all the kids laughing and dancing. Although it was just a few years that I was at my high school prom, still the day seems so far away. I remember being just like those students thinking that I had reached the pinnacle of my life for the moment. And now looking back, it's nothing more than a vague memory. I left the prom and headed to a friend's house. Her children attend the school where I teach, so I helped her and other parents prepare breakfast for all the kids. About 3:00 AM, 50 plus students arrived. Some were drunk, some were fighting with their boyfriends, one was even sobbing, but overall they seemed to have fun. And they all made it home safely! I got to bed about 5:30 Saturday morning. I still have yet to recover from the lack of sleep. I saw a guy I graduated high school with Saturday afternoon. We briefly caught up with the latest on who's gotten married and who moved whe...

If this is the real world, I'll take a fake! I got a speeding ticket today. It was in a school zone. They say the price will double as a result. I don't have the money to pay for a speeding ticket. I had to pay rent and utility bills and car insurance. So this is what being broke feels like? I don't want to get use to it. Besides being broke, I like living on my own. I know it's going to get better. It has to get better. It was a step I had to take sooner or later. I can't live with my parents forever, and I can't wait around thinking that Mr. Right is just around the corner. Maybe he is, but then again, maybe he's not. The thing with trusting God is that things don't work on your time, they work on His. That's kinda hard to get use to, but I'm trying. And knowing that He loves me more than anything helps out a lot!

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I'm sitting in my bed, in my apartment, stealing my neighbors internet ! Things are good! Being on my own for the first time has been pretty good. I'm not going to say I haven't missed home, I have, but not so much that I want to go back. Not that home was bad, I'm just ready for this new stage of my life. I've fought with the cable company and gone grocery shopping today. I am officially a big kid now! :) As for the rest of my life, I had a minor break down last week. With everything going on, I got a bit overwhelmed. I had a few doubts about some things that I was trying to turn over to God. But after a bit of prayer, tears, and sleep, I was able to reanalyze everything. God continues to amaze me everyday. It's as if I re-discover God's love and grace every morning. I'm so glad and honored to be His child!

I am in my own apartment!! Yeah!! >

I'm still slowly traveling down my new spiritual path. I can't say it's been easy, but it's been very peaceful. I know that many of you have probably experienced or are experiencing now what I'm going through, so I hope that you gain encouragement while reading about my progress. Most of my posts in the new few weeks and possibly months will be sharing this experience with all of you. The first week was pretty euphoric. I felt a wonderful peace of God after admitting my faults and misconceptions to God. Forgiving and asking for forgiveness and leaning on God's love has been very refreshing. However, What I've found in ridding myself of performance-base religion is that you no longer have things to hide behind. When my relationship was built on my abilities , it was easy to keep myself busy performing certain tasks. It didn't require me to open up and share my insecurities. I didn't have to face the things I didn't like about myself. B...

So I haven't been nervous about moving out at all. Until today. I seriously could have thrown up, I got so freaked. I'm not a irrational person. I usually think things out well in advance. This time I kind jumped into this without thinking about anything, really. Now I'm doing all the thinking, but it's too late. There's no turning back, and I'm pretty overwhelmed right now. There is still a lot to be done this week. There are still a ton of adjustments to make. You won't be hearing much from me until this is all settled.

So I finally texted messaged the guy to thank him for the flowers . I had "forgotten" his note at school yesterday in which he had left me his number, so I couldn't contact him until today. Seeing as that I don't know this guy's last name (sounds like a country song, huh?) and I've only talked to him 2 times in my life and wouldn't be able to even accurately call him out of a line-up, I figured texting was a safe bet. I mean, I wanted to be nice, but I didn't want to give him the wrong impression. My text was simple "Hey this is Kim. Just wanted to say thanks for the flowers, that was really nice." 3 hours later he replies. "A Text? Well, Anyway, You're welcome." WHAT!?? Did you just act as if I owed you more than a text?? I didn't ask for the flowers! Heck, I don't even know you! You should be glad I even bothered to send your half-gay self a text! But actually, it kinda worked out nicely because his rudene...

I got flowers today. They just came from the wrong guy. They came from the guy we thought was gay . So maybe he's bi-sexual. Either way, I've got some letting down to do I think. :(

So maybe avoiding you for a few weeks made you realize that you miss me. I expected that. What I didn't expect you to say "I ain't playing no more. I'm trying to be serious now. You know how I am, but I'm trying." I don't know how to take that. I mean, I'm glad. I've wanted you to say that for a while now, but what does that mean exactly? Does that mean you want to take it slow, does that mean you want us to be together? Or is that something you just said and will forget about next week. And if I knew at the end of the night you were going to say that, then I would have been more honest instead of aloof. I couldn't open up thinking this is going to be the same as last time: me saying a bunch of stuff and you acting as if I never said anything. And now this other guy is wanting my number, and I'm not really interested in him, but I figure I could give him a chance if there is no chance for us. Because I can't sit around and wai...

It's Saturday, and I woke up at 6:00 AM. I threw on some sweats and headed out the door. I was hoping to hit a few garage sales and pick up some cheap furniture for my new apartment (Yeah, I'm moving out! I'll give you the details on everything later in the post.) However, being as it's not the first of the month, there were only a few sales, and they didn't offer anything I needed. So by 7:00 I was back at the house. I thought about going back to bed, but I honestly wasn't sleepy. So, I headed to the computer and wrote some emails. My pastor sent a very cool Youtube video that he wants me to try and do, so I listened to it and copied down all the words. Then I sat on my bed and went through a short bible study about Love and read a chapter in a book my pastor gave me. I also burned a letter. (I said, I'll explain it all later.) After that, I headed to the Y and went 3.75 miles on the elliptical machine and did 100 crunches on the ab machine. An...

I always read "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." (Matthew 6:33) and interpreted it as: Do good things for God, and He'll give you good things. One of my favorite verses is Psalms 37:4. "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." I took that as do good things with a smile on your face, and God will give you good things. Because I equate doing good things with pleasing God, I always, subconsciously , thought seeking the Kingdom and delighting in God meant doing good things and ultimately getting good things in return. Obviously, that's not right. So my newest quest is to find out what exactly makes up the Kingdom of God, what is His righteousness, and how do I delight in Him? I'm making this the start of my journey.

I never liked the story of the Prodigal Son . It never made much sense to me. It went against everything I had ever been taught. It just wasn't fair. The prodigal son gets cocky, decides to move out, and lives his life in sin. He does everything he knows he's not suppose to do. However, when the Prodigal comes back home, the dad throws a big party and celebrates the return of the son. Now all the while this fuss is being made over the bad boy coming home, the good son gets left out. There is no big celebration for the good one. He gets no recognition for doing what he is suppose to do. Basically, he's good, but yet gets the shaft. That story isn't fair. If we do bad things, we are to be punished. If we do good things, we should be rewarded right? But in this story, the bad guy gets the party while the good guy has to help clean up afterwards. It never made sense to me. I'm the Prodigal's brother, or well, sister. I'm the good girl that has alwa...

It's been a very emotional week for me to say the least. Some things you just don't let out on to the blogosphere . This would be one of those times. Sorry. But you know that I have to at least beat around the bush to get it out of my system. I'm dealing with some issues, that I suppose I've kept suppressed for so long, I didn't even know they were issues until this week. But I'm a firm believer that you can deal with things now, or you can deal with them later. Regardless, you will have to deal with them. I'm choosing now. I've also realized that there are some things that just aren't going to happen. It doesn't matter how bad you want them to happen, and it doesn't matter how right you think it is. When you are operating on God's plan, your thoughts and opinions don't always amount to much. I threw in the towel this week, and even though I want to go pick it up so badly, I know it's not worth it. So, I'm starting o...

Drillbit Taylor is hilarious. I was really surprised at how funny it was. I'm usually leery of comedies b/c either they are vulgar or stupid, but this was actually neither. It was just funny! Go see it. American Idol . This season is really good. There are some really talented people, and I love the fact they allow them to play their own instruments. My favorites are Brooke White and David Archuleta . However, lately, David Cook is slowly becoming my new guy. And I think Jason Castro is precious! Friends. Not the TV show, but actual friends. No matter how long you know them, once you have a friend, you have a friend. And it's really great when they help you out, and don't judge you. Oh yeah, and the fact that they'll tell you the truth because they know you deserve to hear it. Tanning Beds. I know they can give you cancer or nasty skin, but I think if used in moderation, I'll be ok . I like being tan. I have naturally olive skin, but only if I get...