Originally Unoriginal

If you've read my series on love, you know that I'm in the middle of a deep study on holiness and standards as it pertains to the Apostolic walk of life. With the help of my Sunday School teacher and classmates, I'm writing a book on all our findings and discussions. So far I've gotten the rough draft down, dealing with the foundations of holiness. When I think about it, it all seems extremely overwhelming. I just keep reminding myself that this process can take as long as possible. I don't have any deadline. So I write when I'm in the mood, and for right now, I'm about caught up. If anyone has any research, ideas, or thoughts they would like to share, please do so! I do enjoy writing, but I never really thought about doing something so serious and professional. I'm really taking it a bit overboard I guess, but I just feel really honored. I suppose because this topic is something that is so sensitive to me that I really want everyone to grasp what I have...

Hardly do I ever just long for a guy in my life. As a girl, we all have our moments. Although it may not hurt too bad to have one, there are few times that I ever just cry out for one in desperation. However, there are 2 major times in my life when the urge completely takes over and I give into temptation. One of those times actually occurred last night. When church was over last night, I had to go get my car, in the cold, cold rain and step every so carefully in a huge puddle, just to reach my car. I sat in the car and said, "I really need a man right now!" There is one more time that really gets me, and unfortunately, that time may be later on today. I down right despise pumping gas. I despise it even more when I have to pump it in the cold, rain! Well, I'm almost on "e", and it's cold and rainy outside. I feel the urge to need a man coming on! Oh, well. Spring is coming soon, and maybe I can get victory over the situation!

The story tells of a mountain climber who wanted to climb the highest mountain. He begun his adventure after many years of preparation, but since he wanted the glory just for himself, he decided to climb the mountain alone. The night felt heavy in the heights of the mountain, and the man could not see anything. All was black, zero visibility, and the moon and the stars were covered by the clouds. As he was climbing, only a few feet away from the top of the mountain, he slipped and fell into the air, falling at a great speed. The climber could only see black spots as he went down, and the terrible sensation of being sucked by gravity. He kept falling…and in those moments of great fear, it came to his mind all the good and bad episodes of his life. He was thinking now about how close death was getting, when all of a sudden he felt the rope tied to his waist pull him very hard. His body was hanging in the air. Only the rope was holding him, and in that moment of stillness he had no other ...

I'm an American Idol fan. The first season it was on, I had no clue what it was. Right before the final show, I kept seeing things about "The American Idol" on the internet and such, and I was totally lost. I watched a few episodes of the 2nd season. By the third season, I was hooked. I even had the American Idol hotline number programmed into my cell phone! I wanted Fantasia and Carrie Underwood both to win!! As most of you probably have heard, season 5 of American Idol premiered Tuesday night. Well last night, they were still airing auditions, and I was so touched by this one guy. He lives on a farm/ranch in Colorado and sings to his turkey everyday. He goes to Denver to try out for American Idol. He's so nervous when he gets in front of the judges that he can't remember the name of the song he is going to sing. Paula encourages him to just go ahead and start singing. He does and I was shocked by his voice. It was really full and had tons of potential. Even Simo...

Life hasn't been too eventful lately, but I figured I'd just keep you updated since I have nothing else to blog about. Two weekends ago I went with a friend's College and Career church group to Shepherds of the Ozarks . We stayed in a huge log cabin, went horseback riding, and hiking up a mountain. It was one of the best times I've had in a while. If you live in the Ozarks/Arkansas area, it may be a place for you to look into going, especially with your youth group. Work is doing better. I'm not too excited about my job. I would rather be in a classroom teaching than sitting here in the career center. However, I'm beginning to learn some students' names and find my little niche. I do miss O'Bannon though. I think I bleed green and white! Hope Riverside students don't read this blog! ;-) I'm keeping the drama team at church busy. We are composing an original drama to the song Stained Glass Masquerade by Casting Crowns. I'm very excited about ...

"Here it is. Your choice. It's simple. Her or me, and I'm sure she's really great. But Derrick, I love you -- in a really, really big - pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me . Choose me . Love me ." Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy I love this show, and I heard this line and it hit me. It's the words that you want to say but don't because you don't want to seem like the desperate chick, even though you are desperate. UGH. I'm glad I'm not at that place right now. I can honestly say that I'd rather be alone than in some love triangle again that's for sure! I was sitting at work today thinking how lame I am. It's no new thing for me to get hit on by the high schooler's I teach, yet I can't get one guy my age to look my way. What's the deal?? There has to be something wrong th...

The greatest commandment of all times is to Love God with all your heart, body, mind, and spirit. Now just watch and see how all of this is connected... When you really love someone, you go out of your way to please them. You do little things that may not necessarily be required, just to show how much you care. You do more than just say you love someone, you show them. Well the same applies with our love from God. When we develop a deep, loving relationship with our Creator, we'll begin to do more and sacrifice more just to please him. One big issue with me is "Standards of Holiness". I began my College and Career Sunday School Class down this trail. I mentioned earlier a guy that was questioning me about my beliefs . Well in a quest to give him the right answers, I began to question myself. Didn't God say that by LOVE people would know we were different. God also said he looked on the heart of a man, not on his outward appearance. So maybe my whole denomination was ...

To recap: We know that God has unconditional love , and that you need to show that love to others. Also, you need to put actions behind your words . God said there are 2 great commandments: 1.) Love God with all your heart, mind, body, and spirit. 2.) Love your neighbor as yourself. Right now let's concentrate on the 2nd commandment. We have to love everyone we come in contact with just as much as we love ourselves. Now, if any of you are like me, I'm pretty darn fond of myself. Therefore, I should be pretty darn fond of everyone else too. I should be one of the biggest "people persons" out there. God goes as far to say that all the law and the prophets hang on those 2 commandments. That means, if you don't grab a hold of this love thing and run with it, you might as well pack up your bags and go home. That's how imporant it is to love other people. Now back to my original theory. It's one thing to say that I love my neighbor, it's another thing to go ...

Anyone who may have anything to add to this next few entries or any questions, please feel free to leave comments or email me. If they add to the posts, I'll add them on. ************************************************************************ I caught sight of God's true love and began to practice it. Then I met another guy who was of a different denomination than me. He began asking me numerous questions about what I believe and how it was different from what he believed. I prayed that God would help me convey my convictions to him in the right way, not in a judgemental spirit. So I began to study God's word. How exactly would this guy and others know that I'm different. The guy acknowledged that people could see my outward apperarnce (skirts and long hair) and visibly notice that I was different. Although that is true and very important, there had to be something deeper. God quickened a verse to my mind. "By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ...

I would say for the past 6 months the theory of love has been bouncing around my brain. It seemed as if I was hearing the word "love" and seeing people's version of it displayed every where I turned. Of course, "love" is a common word, so common that I believe many people take it for granted or misuse it. But for whatever reason, my heart/spirit/mind became very sensitive to the slightest mention or action of love. So in the word's of Tina Turner, "What's Love Got To Do With It?" The only explanation for my obession with love is that the Lord is trying to teach me something, and I think I may actually be grasping it. Let's begin with a "friendship" I had with a guy. It started off at friends, then went to flirting, and then became, for lack of a better term, friends with benefits. I was pretty attached, but the guy had some issues and a fliratious lifestyle and so no comittment was ever made. I got very angry when I wasn't tre...

The Theory of Love blog comes tomorrow. Until then, read this, which can be easily connected to love... Attitude By: Charles Swindoll The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company...a church...a home. The remarkable things is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that certain people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.

I've been really toying around with this theory of Love. I've got tons to say about it, but it will take me a while to get all of my thoughts together. So I'll probably be blogging periodically about it. This is what I have for tonight.... How many times have you heard "Actions speak louder than words?" I can't think of a truer statement. It's easy to say things, but it' s much harder to do what you say. I was watching My Fair Lady tonight, and the song "Show Me" put my thoughts into words. "Don't talk of stars burning above; If you're in love, Show me! Tell me no dreams filled with desire. If you're on fire, Show me! Here we are together in the middle of the night! Don't talk of spring! Just hold me tight! Never do I ever want to hear another word. There isn't one I haven't heard. " Another song that fits is Frankie J's "More Than Words" "...

Whew! I can say I'm glad to see 2005 come and GO! This year has been showered with so many accomplishments and so many devastating heartbreaks that I'm just glad it's all over. The year began decently. I was busy with school work and church work, but I had a good grip on things. Then by March, things began to fall apart. We lost several major couples from our church, including one of my best friends, mentors, and working partner. On top of that I was emotionally in and out with certain guys. Also I was dealing with my Nanna's sickness and on and off trips to the hospital. Things floated along, and I ended up in Hot Springs for the Summer. That was an overall good experience. Then in June my Nanna passed away unexpectedly, although expectedly. Besides the inconsolable hurt of that, I continued on and had a good summer, with trips to Colorado and National Youth Congress. Coming home from the summer was another adjustment. There is the awkwardness of fitting back in and fi...

I'm so absolutely bored. I've been in my house since Friday night and haven't gotten out except to run to wal-mart this morning. It was a decent Christmas, but now I'm just plumb bored. Usually we spend Christmas at my Nanna's house with all of my relatives coming in and out. Well of course, since my Nanna is no longer with us, Christmas was a bit different this year. We stayed here at the house and had a big breakfast. Then me, mom, dad, and my brother opened presents. One of my uncles and my aunt came over to visit for about an hour. Then 3 of my cousins came and had Christmas Supper with us. It just wasn't the same. We all got good Christmas presents though. I'm sitting in the living room on my laptop with my new wireless internet. It's great. I get to watch football and blog all at the same time. I got a few new CD's, a book, clothes, and a laptop briefcase. I've watched a ton of movies, checked out every website known to man, and now I'm...

I really just cannot seem to get a break! It's absolutely ridiculous. Tonight at church we were doing a repeat of our Sunday Christmas Program. What a complete joke. Everything went wrong. The singing was off, the music was off. It just wasn't good at all. Well I'm in charge of the "drama." (Both literally and figuratively). We had performed 2 songs Sunday. Well in the middle of the first song tonight, I realize that I'm missing a boy for the 2nd song. It was far to late to replace him, so I send a guy down to our pastor to let him know that we were only doing one song. Well for some reason the message doesn't get across. So after the end of the first song, I hightail it down from the balcony where I had been running the spotlight to tell the kids that we aren't doing the 2nd song. I have to then run across the stage and turn all the lights back on. My pastor still doesn't get what's going on, and I'm on the platform in front of the entire ...

I don't need any encouraging comments to this blog. I don't even want anyone to feel sorry for me. After a good night's sleep, my misery won't be so large. But for right this moment, I just want to wallow just a bit in all of my sad, negative feelings. I am so sick of being the 3rd, 6th, or 9th wheel!! Everyone I hang out with is married or dating, and it's about to drive me to gagging. You know, I'm all glad they have someone, and that they feel all warm and cheery inside, but could you please wait to the privacy of your own backseat, or where ever it is that you are alone and do all that nasty cuddling and "I can't keep my hands off of you" crap! No 22, newly college graduate girl wants to see it especially near the holidays. I'm a very independent, self-confident person; however, I'm not dumb to the obvious. I can realize that I'm the only single person sitting at the table and that my parents are picking up the tab for me. It's ...

I have a new favorite Christmas CD. It's one by Reliant K! For those of you not familiar with Reliant K, they are a punk rock Christian/crossover band. They take some old Christmas Carols and give them a new flair. There's nothing like "Deck The Halls" with electric guitars. My favorite song is their rendition of "The 12 Days of Christmas." They add in a little riff that says "What's a partridge, and what's a pear tree? I don't know, so please don't ask me. But I can beat they are terrible gifts to get!' For a "small, sleepy town", there is always some type of drama going on. It just never ends, but it's something I've learned to accept. The drama here usually includes others, and I somehow get dragged into it. (I promise to the dear Lord, I am ALWAYS an innocent bystander.) Anywaz, last night at church we had Drama Team practice, getting ready for our Christmas program. I was leaving a friend's house and I said...

Only a week has passed, but oh so much has happened. Let me recap.... Thursday was my last day at O'Bannon. I didn't cry contrary to popular belief. We had all our students playing "The Game" which was a jeopardy type trivia game for their 9-weeks test, so everyone was too caught up in the hoopla of the game to really think about missing me. After school, I went with my CT on his bus route, and he made me drive the bus on the way back to the school. Don't worry, all the kids were already safely delivered to their homes. I must say that it was pretty fun to drive the bus, and I did a good job! Thursday night, my CT and his wife came over for dinner and an exchange of presents. All the kids had made me cards telling me goodbye and how much they would miss me. Then I got a Jr. High Football game jersey with my name on the back, a practice t-shirt, a football helmet, and a football signed by my CT. I must say I got a bit teary-eyed reading the cards. Friday was gradua...

The trip to Montgomery, AL was a blast. The people that were hosting us, the Children's defense fund, didn't have a clue about what they were doing, but O'Bannon High School had a great time regardless. We were on a charter bus with 3 other schools, but O'Bannon kept the bus CRUNK (as my students would say.) We brought movies to watch and even broke into a rendition of "The Jefferson's" theme song, among other songs. Then we stayed up til 2:30 playing UNO and Spades with the kids in the hotel room. Monday we went to the Rosa Parks museum and the Civil Rights museum. Both of those were pretty cool. We were suppose to go to a re-enactment of the Mass Meeting where Al Sharpton was preaching, but our kids voted to stay at the hotel and play cards. That night one of the students braided my hair. I had corn-rows. It was GREAT! My CT thought I was one of the other students when he first saw me. Anywaz, it was a great time, and I really got to connect with the stu...

....and I decided not to go back to Delta State. The most asked question has been, "Do you feel good about your decision?" My answer: Yes I do. In my heart, I knew I didn't want to go back to school (at least not as a student). However, I also knew that my offer was amazing, and therefore extremely hard to walk away from. Yet in the end, I had to take advice from the movie Braveheart as I was reminded by my CT. "Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it." Among other encouraging words from others (Thanks to all of you) I was able to make the best choice that would make me the happiest. Let's face it, yes I have the rest of my life to teach, but I also have the rest of my life to go back to school. For now, I'm ready to teach, to change lives, to make an impact. I don't feel like I can do that adequately sitting in a classroom at DSU writing papers. Don't get me wrong, I do want to go back and get my master's and maybe even move up in...