Originally Unoriginal

Still no answer. Yeah, I know, I'm suppose to tell my professor today, but I don't have anything to tell him. So I'm going to wait until tonight and see if God gives me some sign at church. If not, then I guess I'll cry at my computer screen tonight give my professor an answer and then agonize for a while about making the wrong decision. My CT's tried to give me advice today. They pretty much summed it up as do what you want to do and trust God to take care of the rest. Well I could see myself doing both things. I'd much rather teach, but what if God has something else planned for me. What if I do follow my heart and don't take the offer at DSU. And then I don't get a job this semester or in August. Then I'm just sitting around waiting on nothing when I could have been working on something else. I could technically teach somewhere else, but I don't want to teach anywhere else but O'Bannon or Western Line. At least for right now. But if I do t...

No answer yet. I think God is waiting to the last minute. Yet I'm trying really hard to believe that He's going to give me an answer. I have to email my professor tomorrow and let him know for sure what I'm doing. As of right now, it's still a mystery to me. So it's not too late to say a little prayer for me....or just tell me what to do! Nothing new and exciting is really going on. I'm trying to improve myself, emotionally and spiritually. Lately I've been very impatient and easily aggravated. I'm trying to put all the junk behind me and move on. I don't have to like what people do, but I don't have to dwell on it and let it bother me. I'm a fixer, so I try to analyze and fix everyone's mistakes...many times ignoring my own problems. That's the reason why I'm down to my last day without an answer about school. I procrastinated while trying to deal with everyone else's problems. However today, I was able to step back admit def...

I think I've come to the conclusion that I'd rather not have options than have options. Of course, I only say that because I have options. If the situation was reversed, I'm sure I would rather have options. What am I babbling about?? What to do next semester. I've written of the offer to go back to school next semester. Sounds great and wonderful. But let's not be fooled. It's going to be very hard work. Graduate school is much more time consuming than Undergraduate school, much tougher, more reading/writing, more thinking. Plus Side of going back to Delta State-- I'll be going to graduate school with endless opportunities to meet new people, further my education, make major connections that could help later in life. Everything will be paid for. I don't have any other option for next semester as of yet except to go to Delta State. I'll get paid more money in the long run for having a master degree. I may decide that I like community development far ...

I've got a few serious things going on in my head right now. However, to sit down and write about them would cause me to actually give thought to them. I'm avoiding thought on them at the moment, so therefore, I can't write about them. So please forgive me as I avoid the serious and blog about something fun.... We got a new coffee shop in town! This is huge news considering that the only coffee shop we had in G'ville before this past weekend was the coffee maker at the local Conoco gas station! Woo Hoo!! The Delta Grind, the new coffee hangout, is the best thing that's happened to me recently! I went tonight with some friends and had a good time just chillin' drinking my "Heath Bar Heaven" drink and eating a piece of caramel cheesecake and Tuxedo Brownie. This place only has the potential to get better! I'm very excited! And if it doesn't work out as a coffee shop, with it's name, it could also become a sex shop!?! I went to Hot Springs for...

It's funny how technology changes things... When I was younger, Sears use to send out a thick, Christmas catalog. My brother and I would spend hours going through the toy section making out our own wish list for the holidays. These lists would include every new toy that sparked our interest. We would even help out the 'rents by including prices and page numbers. Sometimes my list was 2 pages long. As the years have gone by, our lists have gotten shorter, and they don't include items from the toy section of the Sears' Christmas Catalog. Mine usually consists of some new fangled electronic gadget and clothes. This year, in the spirit of things, I decided to provide my family a Christmas wish list for me. Howerver, instead of handwriting a list with page numbers, I've typed out a list, including hyperlinks and pictures for easy access to my potential presents. I saved the document on our computer's desktop, so that at any time, my family may access these items. **S...

I wrote a little while back that Delta State had offered me a GA position working in the college of Education next semester. Well, I go Wednesday to talk over details with the lady that asked me about the job. Sounds great right? Today I received an email from an old professor (also the head of the Social Science Dept.). He is offering me a fellowship that will pay $10,000 a semester. The fellowship will include payment for tuition, books, insurance, and a $900 a month stipend. All I have to do is work 20 hours a week with another faculty member on some research about community development. Sounds even better right?? Here in lies the problem. I already told the first people, that I would work for them. However, I don't know yet how good the first offer is going to be. Somehow I'm doubting that it will be for as much as the Fellowship is for. So, I'm going to talk with the College of Education and see if there is anyway that I can work both places. Instead of College of Ed. ...

I have been well introduced to the everyday antics of O'Bannon High School as a student teacher this semester. Today was another eventful day... First period began as any normal day. However, about half way through the period, one of my student's, CareBear, came up to and said she felt funny. She said that she was dizzy and was having problems seeing. CareBear has complained of feeling dizzy before, but she always refuses to see the nurse because most of the time she is just pretending. Well again today I asked her if she wanted to go see the nurse. She refused, so I told her to just go sit back down in her seat. A few minutes later she began to act as if she were high, began slurring her speech, and stumbling around her desk. Coach CT sent another student to see if the nurse was in and began to call CareBear's grandmother. About this time, CareBear had stumbled back up to my desk, and I had her sit down in a chair beside the desk. Coach CT got in touch with her grandmother...

Remember that stupid guy I blogged about recently. Well, he's still stupid, but he may have a legitimate reason for it now, and I almost feel bad. First off, he didn't tell me this. So it's not like it's some bogus excuse for his actions. I've actually pieced all of this together from very reliable sources... 13 years ago, stupid guy's brother died. Stupid guy was only about 17 and took it extremely hard as he was very close to his brother. After the brother died, stupid guy became a loner of sorts. He was in a relationship with a girl at one time, and he slowly stopped wanting to go out. He just wanted to stay at home and only do things occasionally. (I don't know if that's the only reason why the relationship ended, but it's the only information pertinentto my story.) Anywaz, stupid guy just recently said (like a day or so ago) that he's finally beginning to let his brother's death go. So obviously stupid guy has real issues with becoming c...

Have you ever watched someone make a mistake, and despite all your yelling, you couldn't stop them from doing so?? I'm in that situation right now. It's actually been going on for about a year now, but it's just getting worse. I know this person, and when I say know them, I mean I know just about every single thing there is to know. This person is making the biggest mistake of his/her life and knows it but is just to caught up to make the right choice. What's sad is there are several people in the background yelling the right answer, and he/she just want make the right choice. Now, to make matters worse is that I have to sit by, not say anything, and watch it all happen. Of course, I could be messy, get some other people involved, and watch the poo hit the fan. But in the end, the poo could just some how get slung all over me. Then I would look like the bad person and have this friend hate me forever. If I leave it alone, the friend may get hurt, but in the ...

Do I still think guys are dumb, liars? Yes. But instead of finding it aggravating, I find it funny. It's the same song; it's just a different genre now. No more Avril Lavigne punk rock. Now it's more of a country Brad Paisley song. Instead of screaming over the agonies of figuring out a guy, I'm singing about it in a very satirical manner. As many of you know, the guys in my life are always messed up in some way. Usually they just sell me some story, and then go on their ways. Well this time, I've got a guy who I don't think has lied to me yet, but he just can't seem to get his act together. Here's the run down of how it went.... Him: "Hey, are you going to the b-ball game tonight?" Me: "I thought about it. Are you?" Him: "Yeah." **Long pause, me waiting for the reason why he asked me if I was going to the game. No reply** Me: "You don't coach b-ball do you? Are you just going for the kids?" Him: "No, I do...

I work at a public school, so things get a little rowdy sometimes. This afternoon a few kids got into a fight, there was yelling going on down the hallway, and such. I looked over at one of the students who lives down the street from me, and said "Diva, let's just go home to our quiet street." And I did just that. Then I had plans to go out with a friend and her sister tonight. Before I left, I shook my head at my mother who was laying on the couch as my dad proceeded to watch some dumb Jet Li movie. I turned to her and asked, "Is this what I have to look forward to?? Sitting on the couch on a Friday night watching some movie I have no interest in??" Mom just replied, "Maybe when you're 50...." I wished them a nice night and headed out. So my friend is driving me home, and we turn down my nice, quiet street. Only, my nice, quiet street now has 3-4 police cars and 2 firetrucks parked right near my house. All I can think is, "Is that MY house??...

I stole this quote from someone else's blog . Seemed kinda fitting for my present situations... "Restlessness is discontent and discontent is the first necessity of progress." ~ Thomas A. Edison Just wondering how long it takes the discontentment to move into progress?? Hopefully real soon!!

I'm the type of person, when I'm upset, everyone knows it. I hate that about myself, but I can't help it. Not all my emotions are worn on my sleeve, but anger is. Most especially it shows when I'm at church. Sorry, call me wrong, but I can't act like I'm all spiritual when I'm fuming. It's just not going to happen. So what's the big deal about it?? Well, you're like me, everyone knows you're upset, and they start asking you questions. Then they think you are mad at them because you don't respond to their questioning or whatever. It's not that you are mad at them, they just happened to be in your path when the snap hit. God tells us to be angry and sin not. Very, very hard to do. At least it is for me. What's worse is when that anger is mixed with sadness, guilt, frustration, and confusion. Then you've got one messy, messy situation. Well that's where I was Sunday night and pretty much still am today, and everyone knows it....

First, if you don't like my blog, don't read it! I got the dumbest comment from an anonymous reader on my "Am I that Transparent" post. Some people are rather ridiculous! Anywaz, here's some details of my uneventful life... I got a call today from someone at Delta State, and they would like me to come work at Delta State in the College of Education as a Graduate Assistant . That means that I would be in Graduate School . That means DSU may be paying my tuition to get my MASTERS! I'm very excited about that! Secondly, I had to write a teaching philosophy. I got really into it, so I thought I would share it with you all. I must admit I had some help, but once I got my "theme" I jumped in!! Here goes.. The United Stats is at war. It is a war based upon culture, race, and socio-economics. Caught somewhere in the middle of this war are precious children, and if adults are not careful, the children will become the casualties of war. Teachers are the soldie...

Well it's been about 2 days since my resolve to really let God be in control. I think I've done a great job so far. Nothing has had me too worked up or worried. I even had a situation that I could have over-analyzed, and I didn't. I just carried on with my life and didn't think twice about it. I think I deserve a cookie!! Other than that, I'm helping my junior high football team! Get that...I'm not only Ms. Rigney but Coach Rigney! The guys only have 2 games left, but I'm going to be on the sidelines and "assist" for both of those games. I went out to practice today from 9-12. I know the kids enjoyed the extra attention. Also, I have a hideous sinus infection. I take sinus/allergy medicine everyday, but a few times a year I get a nice infection. Thank God it hasn't been too painful. One night I did wake up thinking my head was going to explode, but 5 pills later, I wasn't feeling too bad. It's just that nasty taste in your mouth that y...

I have a "promise box" that I draw scriptures out of occasionally, when I need some encouragement from the Lord. Today I drew a great promise; they are: "I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not." Isaiah 41:13 "For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened." Matthew 7:8 Both scriptures were very uplifting and right on time. Everyone knows I have trust issues, even when it comes to God Himself. I'm independent and want to work it out all by myself. That I'm an over-analyzer is an understatement. I've been a complete jerk lately, acting like I can make it on my own, although I know that I'm so incapable. Today, I had to spend some time apologizing to God for acting the way I have. It all boils down to some previous posts. I'm afraid of failure. Therefore I try to find every angel of every situation and protect myself against that failure. Deep...

He didn't walk me to the door last night after the date. It's just bad etiquette. Yeah, he took me to a nice restaurant. Yes, we had good conversation. So what!! Manners are manners...right?? Another insight to myself... I look for faults in guys. I look for something, anything to be wrong. I nit-pick until I find a shred of imperfection and then I magnify it to outlandish degrees. Why do I do that? I think in most cases, I do it to spare my heart. I've had enough bad experiences to assume that a guy is going to screw up and break my heart. So if he's wrong right from the start, I won't get my hopes up. It's often been said to keep low expectations, that way when things fail, you won't be hurt. That is how I handle relationships with guys. I'm going to try and give this guy another chance, if he asks for one that is. Maybe he'll prove me wrong, but then again...

Lately, people have been noticing things about me. Things that I wasn't really even aware of myself. Once they point it out though, I see that it is so obvious. Today I was talking to my CT about a guy. I made the comment, "He seems really sincere." My CT quickly picked up on the word "seems." Coach CT asked, "Have you had a lot of bad experiences with guys?" I chuckled and said, "What girl hasn't?? But, yeah, I've been around some liars in my time." Coach CT replied, "I could tell because you said that this guy 'seems' sincere. You must have trust issues when it comes to guys." He basically told me to keep my heart guarded but not to push everyone away. Now I know that I can be a big guy basher, but I always felt that I trusted someone until they proved they couldn't be trusted. I guess when it comes to potential boyfriends (or whatever), it's a different story. Maybe I am untrusting of guys, looking for the...

...Where you felt the need to tell people exactly how you feel even if it was with little or NO tact?? I've been in one of those moods lately, so fair warning...Stay far away from me. Unless, of course, you want to know how I really feel about you. I guess this is where I always get confused with "Christianity." We aren't suppose to lie, yet we cover up how we really feel about situations, smile, and act fake towards someone, thinking that we did the "Christian" thing by keeping our mouths shut. But isn't that lying?? Isn't being fake a sin?? Well if it isn't, it should be. I've always heard, "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all." Then 99% of the time, I should just keep my mouth shut. **sigh** Things have just been not so hot around here, and I'm tired of trying to pretend that the situations don't exist. If someone is acting like a hypocrite, then I'm going to call them out on...

So things have been a little down for me lately. Problem after problem, disappointment after disappointment has hit me lately, one right after the other. I was extremely dishearted and frustrated with it all. Several times I flat out asked, "God, when is it MY turn to have something absolutely great happen??" Well, I haven't gotten a complete definite "great thing", but it's possible that it may just be on the way. I promise that I'll give details as soon as I have some to give, but things may start to look up. I'm just trying my best to trust God....cuz He's working all things for my good!