Originally Unoriginal

No I haven't forgotten about you or fallen off the face of the earth. I'm actually in Hot Springs visiting my friend Sunshine and her new baby!! Hope all of you have a wonderful New Year and looked forward to our new adventures. Much love and God Bless....see ya next year!

For this week, I will posting at 90&9 's Month Blog. They pick 4 bloggers from the year to post for a week during December, and I get to share Christmas with everyone. I'll be back on Saturday, but until then come along and join me here !

This is my newest Niece! I was beginning to think she was never going to arrive. But after 60 hours of labor, she finally decided to grace us with her presence!!

Dear Anonymous Commenter : Please forgive me for obviously bringing up a sensitive subject for you. As if the death of my friend wasn't enough sadness, you must have bitterness towards my pastor and my church. I really am sorry you feel this way. It seems that my pastor, my church, and I have all moved on from past drama, but some must still dwell in it. I think if you took a step back from this, you would realize how horrible it is to use the tragic death of a man as ammunition against innocent people. No one pulled the trigger but TIM, and as much as I would like to say there was something else any of us could have done, the truth is there wasn't. Tim was a very troubled man, but he was troubled long before he got to us. We all did the best that we knew how. Most importantly we loved him. Tim knew the truth, was taught the gospel, but most importantly was shown the love of Christ rather than judgment. If that makes any of us wrong or liars or mis -leaders, then so be it. Agai

A good friend of mine from church took his life Saturday afternoon. He had just texted me Thursday evening and told me that he loved me and hoped that everyone at the church knew how much he cared about us. I had no idea that would be the last time I would talk to him. But I told him that I loved him and that the church loved him. I hope he remembered that in those final moments. I wished there was more I could have said or done. I trust that he is in the hands of a merciful God.

I Got Nothin ' Left from the new Celine Dion CD! Anybody ever tell you that you're not whole Hollow shell of a man without a soul Never ever felt your warmth cause you're always cold Only thing that makes sense is letting go Anybody ever tell you that you've got nerve Treated my love like just another word Tired of giving love to you that you don't deserve So this is my way of saying it's over Cause I got nothing left I got nothing left I got nothing left I gave you my best and you treated it worthless So I've got nothing Anybody ever tell you that you're gonna learn Trust and respect are two things you must earn When it came to loving me you just weren't concerned You never gave a damn so I guess it's my turn Cause I got nothing left

Well I survived the week, and I did WONDERFUL if I do say so myself! The students are getting rambunctious at school, but other than that, things are good. A friend and I are going to check out "I Am Legend" tonight, and then some of my girls and I are going shopping in Jackson Saturday. It should be a fun, uncomplicated weekend! Thank God!!!!

For any of you who may have read the previous post and thought I was going to go crawling back... He already has a picture of her and him on his EC page...and his dot is red....PUHLEASE! You know the Carrie Underwood in me wants to message her right....

I thought about wallowing. I felt like I deserved to wallow. And just maybe, wallowing will hit me later, but right now I don't feel like wallowing. I won't lie and say that I'm not hurt and disappointed. I do miss the anticipation I use to feel when he called or texted . I do miss the opportunity to text him and tell him a joke. I even missed not texting him a picture of my brace-less smile yesterday. He was my friend, above all the other stuff, and he lied. Maybe he didn't directly come out and lie, but he omitted and led me to believe things that weren't true. Oh and trust me I was angry at first. Then the anger became confusion and sadness which led to tears....tears that wouldn't stop for a few hours. I told him that I couldn't be his friend anymore, and he didn't agree that was fair. He claims that I'm one of his closest friends, and he apologized. I admitted that maybe I was rash in saying I could never be his friend again, but it would be a

I am not wallowing today. Maybe tomorrow. No today, I am celebrating! Look at the beautiful, $4000, brace-less smile! Today....We Celebrate!

....he dropped it hard....and now I'm sweeping up the unrecognizable pieces of what was... Guess my instincts were right...yet I still can't process it all.... No need to say I told you so...my brain has told what's left of my shattered heart that enough already...

There is nothing to say that hasn't already been said. There is nothing to do that hasn't already been done. There is nothing to pray that hasn't already been prayed. So why do I still feel at a loss? Why do I still feel as if something is missing? Why can't I put my hand on it? Why can't I understand it? What am I suppose to do now? Just wait??

The Gospel of John (20:7) tells us that the napkin, which was placed over the face of Jesus, was not just thrown aside like the grave clothes. The Bible takes an entire verse to tell us that the napkin was neatly folded, and was placed at the head of that stony coffin. Early Sunday morning while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene came to the tomb and found that the stone had been rolled away from the entrance. She ran and found Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one whom Jesus loved. She said, 'They have taken the Lord's body out of the tomb and I don't know where they have put him!' Peter and the other disciple ran to the tomb to see. The other disciple outran Peter and got there first. He stooped and looked in and saw the linen cloth lying there, but he didn't go in. Then Simon Peter arrived and went inside. He also noticed the linen wrappings lying there while the cloth that had covered Jesus' head was folded up and lying to the side. In order to unders

I've restarted this post 3 times! I have so much to say, so much emotion, but I don't know how to express it. But I do know that I have to express it, or I'll explode. I did ask him if he would mind if I blogged about him, and he encouraged it. I thought about finishing "Jenny's Story" , but it didn't feel right. When I first wrote Jenny's story, it was based on a comment my friend ( DS ) had made about me opening up and being the real Kim. I believed there was truth to his comment, but I didn't think it was such a big deal. Now, I realize how right he was and how I am Jenny. Now I feel like I have to admit my issues and not hide behind an analogy. So Here is Kim's Story... When I was a young teenager I did the whole dating thing. I had several boyfriends back to back and was trusting and loving. Then I met a boy, fell in love, and thought my life was set. He broke my heart at the age of 17, which is normal for most teenage boys to do. Unfortun

The infamous Date Weekend occurred. It ended up being less date, more just hanging out, due to circumstances, but it was worth the trip. You aren't getting details on here. Sorry, but I just don't feel comfortable throwing out all his business on here without his permission. All I'll tell you is we both have feelings for each other. He cares about me a lot, but he's not going to make any promises until he knows that he's everything he needs to be. It was the most honest, respectable answer I've ever received from a guy in my life. So I'm pretty pleased. I'll blog about my feelings later. But now inquiring minds know, and if anything else transpires, I'll fill you in!

Not that I'm a republican by any means...but this was a good response!

Jenny was a vibrant, young girl. She loved life. She freely trusted those she loved and held nothing back. She was free, happy, joyful. She was full of dreams of the future but was content with her present situations. She was caring and considerate, honest and playful. She was comfortable in herself, free to be who she was born to be. Then, one day, out of nowhere, Jenny's life was thrown off track. It was a tragedy that occurred too early in her formative, adolescent years. Jenny was left emotionally crippled. It didn't completely kill her hopes and dreams, but part of Jenny was destroyed after that fatal day. She still loved life but didn't quite enjoy it as much. Although she still clung to her loved ones, she was a bit jaded, cynical, and untrusting . Jenny tried to hide her disappointments, not wanting anyone to know the pains that were deep within. She did such a great job at disguising the pain that many people never knew it existed. Jenny herself even began to belie

The Lord directs the steps of the Godly. He delights in every detail of their life. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand. Psalms 34:23-24 Wishing Everyone a Happy Thanksgiving!

So I'm sitting in the floor of Barnes & Noble in Riverside, CA. We couldn't find a plug in at the Starbucks cafe, and the laptop was dead. So we are sitting in the middle of the "Religious" section. It was as if God was calling us to the outlet! Tomorrow I will be heading home, back to reality. I must admit that Hollywood...the whole LA area...is so surreal. I can't believe that people actually live everyday in this fairy tale land. I can definitely see how thousands of people get caught up in the dream of becoming famous. It's in the air...I think the smog is actually spirits luring people to stay...to dream...to believe that even I could have my name in lights. **Sigh** But I realize that life is more than having your face plastered on billboards or the big screen. Not that I would mind being famous, but after a while, I think the fantasy fades with everyone. There is still something missing. There is still a hole inside the heart that can't be fil

We happened upon the premiere of Enchanted on Hollywood Blvd. and got to watch all the stars enter into the after party. We saw Patrick Dempsey and several members of the cast of "Grey's Anatomy." We also saw Carrie Underwood, Terri Hatcher , and people from "Dancing With the Stars!" Also, I got a picture with Jonny Lang. I'm definitely star struck.... I'll post pictures when I get back...definitely!!

Rap music is dumb. Ok, not all rap music is dumb, but a very large majority of rap music is dumb. I realize that most of the music is about beat not lyrics. I'll even admit that there are several rap songs I like. But when I sit and listen to the lyrics I shake my head. Take for instance, Kanye West's "Stronger." Now Kanye considers himself the cream of the crop but that new song is dumb. The verses have nothing to do with the chorus. The main part of the song is "that that don't kill me can only make m stronger." Then the rest of the song talks about getting on some girl. You would think if the main part of the song is about overcoming and making yourself better, the rest of the song would follow. Nope. He turned what could be a positive message into something about sex. Yeah, I realize that sex sells, but shouldn't someone be demanding more. I realize that teenagers don't know better, but am I the only one just shaking my head over this?

My mom's side of the family has always been pretty close. We always spent all major holidays at Nanna's house, until she died and the family split apart for various reasons. I've dealt with it and moved on, but I realized this past weekend how much I missed my family. My cousin married on Saturday afternoon, and almost the entire family was there. Even though it seemed like a bit was strained and overdone, we all tried to be nice to one another. And for a brief moment, I remembered all the good times, and things were OK. I miss hanging out in the living room, watching football, and wrestling with everyone. I miss eating leftovers and reminiscing about the old days. I miss the love of my family. Also at the wedding, the idea of growing up and maturity got a hold of me. My cousin that was married this weekend is the first to get married in several years. My two oldest cousins have been married for a while, both having kids who have entered the double-digits. The rest of us h

Not wanting to risk a chance of jinxing anything, I'm going to keep this blog as vague as possible. There is a guy. There is a date planned. Unfortunately, because of our busy schedules and Thanksgiving just a few weeks away, this date will not take place until the weekend AFTER Thanksgiving. I realize that a lot can happen between now and then, and that is why I'm not forthcoming with details. Just know that today I'm a little giddy...a little bubbly. :) Maybe good things really do come to those who wait....

I have an internal stress clock that goes off around November 1st every year. It's chiming rather loudly right now. Seems everything falls upon the few short weekends between now and Christmas and everyone is demanding something from me. Here's a small snippet of my schedule: This Week: Monday-- Basketball Game Tuesday-- Band Practice Wednesday -- Church Thursday--Band Practice Friday -- Playoffs Football Game Saturday--Mom's Birthday, Wedding, Gig at a local restaurant, friends come to visit Sunday--Church Next few Weeks Leave to go to LA on that Friday come home on Wednesday before Thanksgiving December 1st--Friend's Baby shower (out of town) December 9 th -- Church Christmas Play (When am I going to have time to practice for that??) Add in several basketball games a week, plus working at the YMCA, (By the way, I haven't started that YET!) 9-weeks test, Semester finals, and all the other in between things I manage to throw in. So as you can see, the countdown to

Here's a video of me and my students learning about...culture??

Going on strike is not going to be easy. It's hard for me to sit back and do basically nothing. I'm thinking of all these things I want to say, but I can't because I'm on strike. I knew it wouldn't be the easiest thing in the world, but I'm managing. Of course, it's only the first day. I've got a feeling it's only going to get harder for a while. I'm unemployed. I'm watching everyone else go on with life as usual, and I'm here holding my sign, which no one is really even bothering to notice. However, I'm hoping that after a few days someone will notice that I'm not there. Someone will notice my silence and ask me what my sign is all about. Hopefully...

I yelled at God today. It wasn't an, "I told God off thing." No, I'm definitely not stupid enough to think I could let God have it. It was more of a "You're God and You have to fix this, or I'm going to go crazy." God didn't audible answer back; He never does. However, I felt like God was saying, "It's about time you got fed up with this ' cuz I was beginning to wonder about you. I mean, I knew you were a pretty tolerant person, but come on now, only I got that much patience." I've been crazy for a while. I've been going at something the same exact way expecting a different result. I can honestly say that I've prayed about it, but I always reverted back to the same old ways, thinking that because I prayed, it was going to be different. Well I just cannot take it anymore. It's eating away at me until it consumes my thoughts, and I'm not dealing so well with it. So I've decided that I'm walking away fr

Guys are the most confusing creatures on earth. I'm sure they don't mean to be, but they are. I'm working out at the YMCA with my brother! Tonight is my first night, and I'm really excited. I hope I'm excited a few months from now! I left my camera in Hot Springs while visiting my friends for the weekend. I'll have pictures to add whenever I get it back! I got a speeding ticket while traveling home yesterday from Hot Springs. I have a radar detector. It didn't start beeping until I was already pulled over. I wanted to chunk it out the window. The coaches have talked me into doing the score book at the basketball games this season. I get paid $25 a game, so I said yes. I'll use the money to pay for my speeding ticket and use the rest for my rising car insurance cost! We had awesome church last night. Despite a vindictive situation that could have taken place, God honored the right attitude and showered down His Spirit anyway! Did you know that LSD can sta

Here's proof that I was a roaring NRA supporter for a few minutes....

Our church is on a 3 day fast. Today is day 2. We break the fast tomorrow after church with a soup supper. I'm hungry physically, but I'm getting fed spiritually. I've never been a huge fan of fasting. I'm not a glutton, but I like food. But I've never really met anyone who says, "Man I love to fast. It's my favorite thing." However, I'm finding some things out about fasting, and I'm finding that my spiritual man (woman, I guess) is really enjoying it. Here are some reasons why fasting is beneficial for me: I don't consciously think about food too often. If I'm hungry I eat, and even when I'm not hungry I eat. It's more of a habit. Eating is almost like breathing. I do it all the time, I just don't consciously think about it. However, when I don't eat I am so conscious of food. I wake up thinking about eating, I go to bed thinking about food. As I drive and pass every single restaurant, I think of my favorite food and ho

I shot a real gun for the first time in my life yesterday afternoon. I didn't like it at all. I hate guns now just as much as I did before. I didn't get any cool rush of adrenaline. I got a shaky feeling inside from the kick and loud noise. I felt like a scared, little girl. DS , I do appreciate your concern for my safety, but really...guns aren't for me. I guess there IS a girl in my somewhere! Our Remix Youth Band had our first paying gig yesterday morning! A new local church that we have fellowshipped with several times invited us over to do the worship set for their youth service. We were definitely not looking for money, but it kinda made us feel like a real band. We just had a great time worshiping with them; it was a really good experience for us.

Tonight was Homecoming, and being the hip, cool teacher that I am, I chaperoned the dance. I do believe the parents and I had more fun than the students did. We danced like it was 1999. ( Ok , I'm becoming one of those lame teachers now aren't I?) I danced with several of the students and shook my tail feathers! I just couldn't help but think how much fun high school was and how much I missed out on when I was younger because I had the typical teenage attitude. At the moment, you think you are too cool for that stuff, and sometimes you miss out on great memories. Six years later, you think, "Man, I wish I was back in high school..." So I guess tonight I relived a bit of my old high school days. Being a teacher gives me the opportunity to do that every once in a while. The only thing was that I kept thinking how I wished I had a real dance partner to share those fun moments with. I guess I'll just keep saving that last dance for someone special...

(A paraphrased version) Dr. Shepherd : I want to marry you. I want to raise a family with you. I want to live to be 110 and die in your arms. I don't want 48 hours of uninterrupted time. I want a lifetime. And I see as I say that you fighting the urge to run in the opposite direction. But that's OK. I learned something today. You are still an intern, you're not ready. Dr. Grey : But can't things stay like they are and I'll get ready? Dr. Shepherd : That's fine. We can keep doing what we're doing and you can get ready. I'll wait for you. But what if while I'm waiting for you to get ready, I find someone who's ready to do all the things you aren't ready for with me?

I absolutely hate being a girl at times. (That line should be enough to warn every guy to proceed with caution...) Sometimes, when it's that time of the month, I can get extraordinarily moody. I know when it's coming on, but it's not as if it's something you can announce to the world. If you are sick, then you can simply say I don't feel well. Then when someone asks you, what's wrong, you can say, my stomach hurts, my head hurts. But it's hard to explain to someone in a polite manner that you want to rip everyones head off or bust out crying just because your brain is telling you too. It doesn't help that I had an emotional conversation or that my pastor wrote me a really sweet encouraging letter. So I just had a bit of a breakdown, but I'm feeling better now. I just overwhelm myself. I try to be everything to everyone because I want people to be comfortable even if it wears me out. I don't know why I try to please everyone; I'm not s

I had a theological conversation with a friend, Guitar Man, today, and we both raised some very interesting points that I wish to share. A mutual friend of ours had expressed his anger with the Baptist church because they had never taught him the book of Acts. Guitar Man replied to him that he was mad at the Pentecostal church because they never taught him anything else. Think about it. If you are UPC or another A/P organization, most likely "standards" were preached hard and heavy along with the 3-step plan of salvation. I was raised to think there was a formula to live by and get to heaven. Follow the formula and you will be rewarded, miss any step and you will be doomed forever. I can't speak for any other denomination, but to hear them talk, it seems as they are taught to repent and say a prayer and they make it to heaven. The rest of their life doesn't really matter. Don't get me wrong, I believe in Jesus Name Baptism and the infilling of the Holy Ghost, but

It's been an uneventful week, Thank God! Therefore, I've had nothing really to blog about. Last week was 9 weeks test (mid-term), this week we had to have grades in the computers, and Monday is report card day! Also, next week is homecoming week, so that may prove to be interesting. I do apologize for not feeding you with wonderful stories about my life. I love the fact that you all read my musings, but I do now recognize the fact that many people I know personally read. That presents a problem b/c now I have to be careful what I say. I may hurt someone's feelings. That bothers me a little because my blog is my release, my therapy. But I'll find some way around it. Last night and today, I attended the Extraordinary Women's conference in Jackson. It was such a great time, and I heard several great speakers. I got to hear Michelle McKinney Hammond speak, and even meet her in person! If you've never read her books about empowering women, you must check them out.

Today marks the 1st Birthday of REMIX, our Wednesday night youth services. Not only have the youth changed, but my life has changed dramatically since its inception. Today was a prime example. I got home and received a phone call from one of my girls. She was having a special dress up and needed a ride to the store to get a shirt. What seemed like a short trip to the store ended up being a 2 hour shopping spree. We went to just about every store in town. I had just gotten home, eaten supper, and settled down to watch Grey's Anatomy when I got a text on my phone. One of the other girls got in a fight with her mom and shoved her mom. The girl was really upset, so I spent an hour texting her to calm her down. There are nights like tonight where I feel exhausted. However, overall, I know that this is the ministry God has for me. I love these kids as if they were my own. I cry with them when they are in pain, and I glory with them in their achievements. I feel like a mom even though I

Today will make a great chapter in the book of my life. I'm going to write it when I'm old, so that the I won't care if my secrets are out... I'm not going to go into a lot of details here, but there are some things that I learned today that I wish to share... Blogs will be read by those you don't think will read them. No matter how "unknown" you think you are, being online makes you suddenly famous. Therefore be 200% sure you want people to know what you write. Sometimes things shouldn't be told. Even if you think they really should. Trust me, some things are better left unknown. There is a reason lying is a sin. It's bad. You shouldn't do it. Good friends will throw themselves under a bus for you. A better friend will allow YOU to throw them under the bus. I almost became "that" girl, and even though some may think I am "that" girl, I'm not. God is so good at His job, working things out for our good, that when we screw

In the past few weeks I have admitted my willingness to begin dating and even confessed interest in a guy . As all of this has come to light, the discussion of successful women being intimidating has come to play. To all of this, here is my reply. I've always been hard line when it came to guys and relationships. No one was good enough to stop me from achieving my goals. I'm very careful on who I let pass my walls; I don't do close relationships well, even with just friends. I despise clingy, needy people. I cannot tolerate girls who totally lose their identities when dating a guy. I'm not a girly , mushy girl. I know what I want. I have my own opinions, and I'm not timid about sharing them, although I'll never force them on anyone. That's me....take me or leave me. I'm the guys' girl. The girl that doesn't really hang out with the girls. I spend my Saturday afternoons watching football and actually enjoying it. I'm the bridesmaid who is the

I'm ready now, and it's not here, and I'm going to get impatient soon. I don't like to be impatient; I don't like to lose control. I have no choice but to wait, and I definitely have no control. I haven't dated anyone in almost 6 years, and it hasn't been a big deal at all. I've had a few minor crushes, but nothing that was too time consuming. It was ok . I've been too busy going to college, getting a job, and planing my life that a guy in the picture was the least of my thoughts. Now here I am 6 years later, out of college with a good job. I've just purchased a new car; I'll be getting my braces off in December (God willing). With that, everything going on in my life will come to a screeching halt. I'm loving my job and I'm working in my church. There's not much more I can do to make my life settled. And now that I'm settled...I'm ready. I'm ready to date. I'm ready for a guy to occupy my time. And now that I

but finally Grey's Anatomy is back. It's as if I was missing something this whole time, and now my best friend has returned! :) Did you know there are lots of websites all about Grey's Anatomy? There are websites with 100's of quotes from episodes. Try goggling it sometime. And you thought I was obsessed? Look, give me a break. I have to have something to occupy my time. I'm a school teacher and a youth leader, my life is all about helping young people find their way. Besides a few friends and my immediate family, there is nothing else going on for me. I have to live life vicariously through something. This past weekend, a friend of mine had a guy drive 8 hours to come visit her. They've never met in real life. It's kind of friends of friends, they connected on EC, and a year or so later he finally comes down here. He seems like a great guy and I hope things work out for them, but 8 hours for a girl he's never seen face to face?? I've been intereste

I'm feeling much better...thanks for asking! :-) The new Rascal Flatts CD came out today, and you all know I'm a HUGE fan. I haven't listened to the whole album yet, but I'm enjoying it immensely. There is just something about Gary, the lead singer's, voice that makes me melt. I could listen to him all day long.... This is a video of a worship song at my new church, Grace Apostolic Fellowship. It's very amateur, very basic, but you'll get an idea of our new set up! Enjoy!

I have my yearly sinus infection. It tried to be slick this time, coming on in a different fashion. This time I had a soar throat, which is very unlike me. I've done a lot of screaming at football games lately, so I thought maybe it was from that. However it kept getting worse, and last night I got about 3 hours of sleep. So I called my principal this morning. I told him I was sick all night and couldn't make it in. He hit me with "We already have all our subs in; you have to come in." That was NOT what I wanted to hear. So I roll out of bed and get to school looking as bad as I felt. My principal told me he was working on getting me a sub, and thankfully at 10:00 am, I was allowed to leave. I got a doctor's appointment this afternoon. I'll request my shots and should be doing much better tomorrow. Did I mention that on the way to school I burned my tongue on the hot tea I was drinking. Then while I was at school I gave myself a nice, big paper cut on my finge

In a matter of a 2 days I have gone from Cowboy boats to Yellow Stilettos. The teacher's proclaim I'm so young and vibrant. My students can't concentrate on their lesson because they want to know where I get all my shoes from. **sigh** The life of being a fashionable school teacher! HA! I think tomorrow I'm going preppy with my **cough** fake Sperry's !

"Christ arrives right on time to make this happen. He didn't, and doesn't, wait for us to get ready. He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were far too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready. And even if we hadn't been so weak, we wouldn't have known what to do anyway. We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while were of no use whatever to him." Romans 5:6-8 The Message Remix God sent His own son to DIE for us. He did it knowing we weren't worthy, knowing that some of us would never choose to love Him in return. Yet we still don't trust Him. We are still concerned that His will may not be the absolute best for our lives. As if the one who laid down His life for you, would not already have a perfect plan for you. Why then would

Sometimes you don't know the difference until it's too late. I'm not a insect expert. However I know there are huge similarities between a moth and a butterfly. Both of them make some type of cocoon, have wings with pretty designs, etc. Yet if you look close enough, there are obvious distinctions between the two bugs. But if you aren't really noticing, a moth can appear to be a beautiful butterfly. Although we may not can tell them apart by looking, we all know that a moth can do some damage to our wardrobe...eating small holes into our cute outfits. Oftentimes in life, we come across a moth that we think is a butterfly. We think there is a beautiful thing/person in our lives, only to find find out that person is destructive. Many times I've mistaken certain situations thinking that it was good for me, only to find out that it was bad. Even after careful examination , it's hard to tell if that beautiful thing is going to help or destroy. Somet

Last night at REMIX, our Wednesday night youth services, one of the other youth leaders was giving a devotion. He was refreshing us on the importance of quiet time with God. He really broke it down for everyone, including ways to become more disciplined and overcome time robbers. I really took what he said to heart, as I have slacked majorly on my quiet time. I know there is no good excuse, but with school starting, I just haven't made the time available to sit and commune with God like I should. Thankfully, God is patient and more understanding than myself. So as I was driving to school today, I was reviewing the aforementioned lesson in my head. I decided to turn on the radio and do a little praying on my way to work. I ended up having an awesome time of praise and worship while driving. Barlow Girls version of " Enough " was playing, and I just worshiped God and sang along. The lyrics to the song had great meaning this morning as I realized that God is enough for me. M

You told me today "I think you're a real, live angel." I smiled a real, deep smile. I wanted to tell you that I love you...that I sit on the edge of falling deeply in love with you. You make me want to be dependent and needy. You entice me to be that whole totally in love, mushy person. Yet I hold on to my surroundings for dear life because I fear, I almost know with certainty, that you don't love me back. You like me, and sometimes you even want me, but you don't crave me, need me, adore me. How I long to be completely wrong for once. I try my best to play it cool, to forget the tugging in my heart when I see you or talk to you, but I find it more impossible each time. I've almost decided to cut contact with you for fear of my heart shattering into a million pieces. Yet some unknown force always pulls me back. I pray that God moves you away, but you only seem to show right back up. I don't take it as a sign nor do I dismiss you as a devilish temptation. W

I'm the friend of the groom, and I got to be a bridesmaid! How cool is that? I was super excited. See sometimes guy friends get married and forget about their friends that are girls, but not this super cool friend. He had me in the wedding. It was so sweet. I cried! Here's a snapshot of me and my groomsman! I also got the cutest shirt over the weekend, so I had to get a quick pic to show you all. It ended up being a pretty decent weekend. I took off work Friday. I spent the night Thursday in Hot Springs, visited with friends on Friday, did the wedding Saturday night, and church on Sunday morning. Get this, I hung out with unconquerable boy and it was GREAT! We acted like normal, good friends, with no weird tension or expectations from one another. But more on all that later...

Could someone, anyone, please show me the life manual that states "Change is WRONG?" If someone could just point that out, then I'll end this diatribe. Until then, I'm fired up. It seems that I've run up against this in church, school, and just everyday life. People get angry with someone because they make a change in routine. The change wasn't illegal, but because someone didn't like it, they pitched a hissy fit as if the one making the change had committed one of the seven deadly sins. People don't like change, and I understand why. People like their rut. It's comfortable, and they know what to expect. When a change comes, these people are forced to act or get left behind. People are just lazy. People are lazy spiritually, emotionally, and physically. When a change comes, they search for an excuse to save them from taking action. Many people spend more time fighting the change than would have spent just getting with the program. Now I'm not

Failure is my friend, if I learn from my mistake...I wrote that really big on my notes I was taking during church Sunday night. Unbeknown to me, God was going to make sure I got the hint this week. I'm planning a trip to LA with my friend right before Thanksgiving. I found some tickets online and decided to go ahead and book them. I had to try 3 credit cards and the website still kept rejecting me. I called NWA helpline and they told me they were going to get me all squared away. So a week later, I check my credit card online, and I have no charges for the tickets. I call NWA and about 3 more credit cards and an hour later, I've finally purchased the tickets. 3 days later (today) I'm sitting in class talking to my yearbook staff. We are trying to plan an event, and some student ask when Thanksgiving break is. I called out the dates, she's looking at the calendar, and says "No, it's the week before that." WHAT!!?? Thanksgiving is always around the 27 th

"He that liveth by the sword getteth stucketh..." --Curtis Payne, House of Payne

Make up your mind take me or leave me I'll be doing fine with or without you I'm wasting my time letting you deceive me The truth is in your eyes but I deny what I see Time and time again I let you get back under my skin I let you break me down again I let you get close way too close But I see through it You gave me that smile and I gave in And you knew that I would Time and time again you pulled me in Just to give me up, gime me up again What is a dream if it doesn't come true I believe I'll find love but will it be with you I never would have thought such a pretty little face could offer me so much and take all that I had Well I want it back I let you get back under my skin I let you break me down again I let you get close way too close But I see through it You gave me that smile and I gave in And you knew that I would Time and time again you pulled me in Just to give me up, gime me up again Time and time again you pulled me in Just to give me up, give me up, give me

I could totally stick this dog in a cute LOUIS bag and take him shopping! Is this not the cutest puppy ever!?! It's a friend's toy poodle, and it's such an appropriate name. The dog doesn't look real. It will grow to weigh 2-3 lbs. and it's already 1 lb. I want one so bad, but unfortunately living with the 'rents does not allow doggies in the house. I've missed out all my life, I know! Anyway, these pics were taken at the softball field today. I went and and suffered the Southern heat to watch my brother and some of the kids from my school play. I looked all cute like the picture above when we started out. Many hours later, I look like Rudolph! After a long shower, mom and I went to see "The Nanny Diaries" which was a cute chick flick. "Harvard Hottie" was indeed too good to be true as in all romantic comedies. I ached a little bit for the fact that there is NO guy interested in dating me. (Unless he's under the age of 18 or over the

My new bundle of joy was delivered to my house today. Yes I got a new car! A Mercury Mariner. It looks identical to the Ford Escape on the inside but a little more feminine on the inside. It's a 2008, fully loaded, leather seats. I'm enjoying it TONS! Also, my fellow youth leader and his wife had a baby boy today! Matthew Lee Patrick! I went to see him at the hospital, and I even held him! I rocked him for awhile and told him how crazy his dad was. We had a good heart to heart. I empathized with him on being the younger sibling, and all that will entail. I let him know I've got his back!

In honor of my birthday today, 90&9 is giving away free downloads! Ok , it's not really in honor of my birthday, but they really are giving away free downloads. Go to the Notes Blog and check them out. There is only 1 catch; you must leave a comment on the blog about the music. Do you like it? What's wrong with it? What's good about it? The more comments, the more likely 90&9 is to keep giving us free things! Go NOW, offer ends Sunday! It's been an expensive week for me! I ordered a new camera . It's so awesome but unfortunately it's so high tech that I barely know how to operate it! I'll be able to use it for the Yearbook at school today, so I'm really excited to work with it. Also, I am breaking down and test driving new cars. I'm looking at a Ford Escape , and I think I'm pretty hooked. It's got almost all the features I want, and it's a very reasonable price. I'm going to Jackson tomorrow with my parents to do a bit mor

Is it absolutely necessary to have stupid people on earth?? They annoy the heck out of me. I'm in the middle of 4-5 situations, and they all deal with stupid people. My problem is that I try to be too nice to these people. I probably suffer from too few boundaries, but I hate to make people feel uncomfortable, and I try my hardest not to totally, out rightly offend. So I end up taking more stupidity off of people than I should. I mean, how many times does a girl need to turn a guy down before he gets the picture that she's not interested? How many times do you have to tell someone, I don't care about your life and the things you do with it, so please keep your stories to yourself? How many times do you have to hear stories of people doubting your personal salvation before that person actually comes and says, "Hey I'm concerned about you. Can I pray for you?" Not that I need their concern or their prayer for that matter...well at least not prayer for that part

It's the third day of school, and surprisingly, I haven't had a single problem! My days have run so smoothly, that I'm a bit scared of the bomb waiting to drop next week. For now, I'm praying that God let's it continue in the same vein! Tonight is our first REMIX service since we started our new church. We're not completely ready to start over; we don't even have our sound all set up yet, but we wanted to go ahead and get back in the groove of things. We're praying for an influx of youth, so this will be a good starting practice without too many kids there. For all of my fellow sports fans, Did anyone see Barry Bonds hit homerun #756? I had the game on but fell asleep. I woke up with Bonds was giving his speech, so I woke up my parents and watched the replay about 10 times. I'm a bit sad this week. Youth Congress starts today, but I can't go because it's the first week of school. It's such a bad time for me, and there was no way I could

If you hear the faint sound of a school bell ringing, it's mine. That's right, school starts back for teachers and students tomorrow! I'm so not ready for school to be back in session. Although I did get to enjoy several trips, with all the drama going on around here, it didn't seem like too much of a summer. Unfortunately, time waits for no man, and so I must return back to work. I'm pledging to be meaner this year. Last year I think I was a bit to nice, which ended up leaving me a bit more exhausted at the end of the day than I should have been. But it's live and learn, especially with students. Hopefully I'll have plenty of funny stories to share with you this year and less tragic ones! For now, I'm off to prepare for the morning and get some sleep. I've got to be raring to go because Lord knows the students will be!

I attended a Tye Tribbett concert last night, and it was phenomenal. There were some problems with the sound, so while they were trying to fix it, Tye took it upon himself to preach. And boy did he preach! Here's some of his thoughts... The bible tells us that God is great and greatly to be praised. God can take care of the first part, but we must take care of the second part of that statement. We have to praise a great God, and to effectively do so, we must understand just how GREAT He is! If we realized how great God is, we would see how corny the devil is. If we are made in God's image, and God is great, then we should realize how great we are! Why would someone bind up a weak man who couldn't escape? Why would someone bother to control someone who was not causing a problem? The devil doesn't try to stop a weak Christian. No, we are attacked by the devil because of how great we are, because of the greatness inside of us! So the harder we are attached, the greater God

My pastor decided to resign this morning. Instead of forcing anyone to vote yes or no against the ministry, he resigned. Those of us in support of his ministry left the Greenville United Pentecostal Church and are starting a new work, Grace Apostolic Fellowship. Our first service this morning was held at a local funeral home. After all the jokes about raising the dead, etc, we ended up having a great service with 97 people in attendance. We are believing God for a permanent home in the next 30 days. I am sad to leave UPC. That church was a haven to me during a hard time in my life. I wouldn't be the person I am today without many of the people there. Numerous people invested in me, and I am grateful. I will never forget the love, friendships, and lessons I learned while a member there. I will not belittle my past with bitterness and act as if it means nothing to me. There will always be fond memories. My leadership began at that church, and I do not take it for granted. There are

Dear Jesus Christ, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for making you do this. For years you have shown us the wicked ways these people. You have shown us their vanity. You have shown us their jealousy, You have shown us their contempt for for anyone they view as a threat. You have shown us their lies. You have shown us their hate. You have shown us the the length they will go to to destroy lives, families, reputations, credibility, trust, love for your brother and sister, and most of all faith. You have shown us we needed to leave for years. It took you revealing all that is in their heart for us to to see clearly that we must go and work for you somewhere else. I'm sorry Jesus for forcing you to do what you have had to do. Please forgive me. No more will we sit under leadership that put themselves before You. No longer will we abide in the house that is consumed my backbiting and iniquity. Who knows if any of what they say about the man of God is true. The vast majority of all they say

I am so sick of receiving stupid letters in the mail from people in my church. Today, I even received one from someone who doesn't even attend my church. It is so disheartening to see people stoop this low to remove someone as pastor. I can understand if these people had a problem about the way he ran the church or his standpoint against organizational issues, etc. However there is no need to bring out information about things my pastor did 20+ years ago. No one needs to know how his personal business was handled before he became pastor. Here's my question: If he has always been so bad, why did everyone vote him in as pastor to begin with? Didn't people that knew of his horrible character deceive us by withholding that information for years? If he was so terrible, why was he allowed to be our Asst. Pastor for 20 years? I think this makes about 10 letters that I received in the past 2 weeks. And every time I receive one I become more angry at the senselessness of it all. I&

I have blogged for 2.5 years. Through those years I have shared just about all of my emotions, my concerns, my joys, and my triumphs. This has been all about me. It's my blog where I can write about whatever is affecting me. It's not a place of slander or gossip. Yes, I write to encourage others, but mainly I do it to encourage myself. I can look back on previous posts and see how far I've come. It's a testament of my journey through life. With all that said, I do apologize if anyone has read my blog and thought of it as anything other than what I just described. I realize that several people have only in the past few weeks begun reading my blog, but in order to get a feel of who I am, you can't look at just the latest blogs, but all of them. This blog was not started to cause trouble, but for me and those readers who may be interested enough in my life. I've looked back over my posts to see if I've said anything hurtful or rude about the current situation a

The following are a few scriptures that the Lord gave me for our Youth prayer tonight. They really spoke to my heart and to our present situation... We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken. What they did to Jesus, they do to us -- trial and torture, mockery and murder; what Jesus did among them, he does in us -- he lives! Our lives are at constant risk for Jesus' sake, which makes Jesus' life all the more evident in us. While we're going through the worst, you're getting in on the best! 2 Corinthians 4: 8-12 (The Message: REMIX) God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil t

The cool guy, KC , told me about this poem. He said it always helped to keep him focused. If by Rudyard Kipling If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you; If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or being hated, don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise: If you can dream -- and not make dreams your master; If you can think -- and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two imposters just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools; If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginn

I know God has a plan, but it doesn't mean that people won't get hurt in the process. Tonight was not good at church. The crap hit the fan in the middle of the service. Several people got up and walked out as a result. I really wanted to join them, but running away is not an option for me. I am watching families torn apart. I am seeing friends doubt one another and relationships waiver. I am trying to keep a right spirit, but it's hard. If my pastor was wrong, (not that I think he is), how do I continue with those that are against him? They have handled this situation in a poor manner. People have spread rumors about me and any of you can take a look at some of the comments left on my blog lately. Why do I want to turn to people that are against me? But they say they love me? I can't comprehend that kind of love. Yes, I wish them the best, and I pray no harm comes their way. I've left a church before and am still able to speak to those people in public, so I'll